Over weight: the food bit

Disclaimer: This post contains themes of like skipping meals, and the unhealthy desire to be skinny. I am not saying that being skinny is wrong, I am say the way I went about it IS. 

Hey boos,

How are you?

So I know this post is very late but listen, but here it is! If you’re a bit confused, the first part is here.

In the last episode, I talked about my story and gave a general overview of where it all began. Today, I’m going to speak about my relationship with food.

I don’t think, until now, I’ve ever had a good relationship with food, I used to see it as something that made me gain weight so on the days I went without it or ate little of it, I felt happy. I used to feel a certain novelty in being able to say I skipped breakfast or I hadn’t eaten lunch. I’m skipping ahead though, let’s start from the very beginning.

When I was very little, my parents told me that it used to be a struggle to feed me because I was very picky with what I ate (I don’t remember this) however that changed and I loved food, but not regular food, unhealthy food. I started eating a lot, and then I started eating, not because I was hungry, but because I was bored and I would eat big portions so obviously I was going to gain weight and I did (I remember this).

I wasn’t obese or anything but I was chubby and visibly bigger than all of my friends, well not friends, I didn’t have many friends in primary school (lol). Most of my female peers were slimmer than I was so that obviously didn’t really help my self-esteem. It also didn’t help that the popular girls in movies and TV were usually skinny and pretty with long hair and I wanted to be popular, so you can imagine I wasn’t exactly pleased with my chubby nature. I wanted to be skinny but I don’t remember ever actually doing anything to actively get me there.

The skipping meals didn’t start until boarding school, at the time I didn’t skip them because I wanted to lose weight, I just skipped it because I didn’t like the food they served so I lost a lot of weight, I lost so much weight. I wish I had a picture but I only have one picture from back then and I don’t even know where that picture is but I was so skinny then (I looked sick, it doesn’t look like me at all) and what is funny now that I think about it, I didn’t know I was skinny, I still thought I was chubby.

I don’t remember when I actively started skipping meals to lose weight, I think somewhere between The Netherlands and Scotland. I would skip meals and try to eat smaller portions and then binge on unhealthy food and feel guilty, it was just that never ending cycle. I didn’t see food as something that nourished my body or helped me grow, I never really saw it as a positive thing. I thought “healthy” meant “few” so the less calories I ate, the better.

This bring us to the beginning of last year when I started hanging out more with my friends, the thing about living with people is you get to see their life habits, habits like what they eat and in my case how much they eat. It made me extremely self conscious when my friends would eat half their meal and say they were full when there was me who was still hungry after eating the whole thing. This, interestingly enough, had never been a problem for me so I had no idea how to deal with it. What did I do? I tried to cut down on my eating which as you can imagine just left me hungry and wanting to snack on just about anything and everything, so now not only was I not eating enough nutrients for me, I was also filling the gap with a lot of snacks. I eventually realised that everyone has different needs and everyone has different food habits, that does not necessarily mean that mine are bad. What is good for the goose does not always have to be good for the gander.

My relationship with food is a lot better than it used to be, I try to eat when I am hungry and I try to eat enough to fill me. I try my best to watch what I eat and make healthy alternatives instead of just cutting it out of my diet completely. I try not to beat myself up when I binge on unhealthy food because I know now that this is a process and Rome wasn’t built in a day.

I’m doing these series just in case there might be anyone who could be going through their own health process right now and I would like for them to know that they are not alone and that this is a journey, everyday will not go exactly as you plan it and you need to learn to forgive yourself and let go.

I hope you enjoyed this and I’ll see you next week.

Have a blessed day,

Lots of love,

Gedo xx

August recap: Break, University, Self-reinvention

Hey boos,

It’s ya girl next door, how are you? (My flatmates are currently getting ready to go out and I can hear them discussing outfits, s/o to you sisters)

So it’s been very quiet on my end lately, both social media, youtube and blogging wise that’s because I have in fact moved back into University for my second year and I am currently juggling 2 jobs, education, social life and good life habits and let me tell you something it is not easy. I like it though I feel like now I have less time for idleness.

Anyway, my August recap, I feel like August was a really good month for me, I drew closer to God and was able to stick to the tasks I wanted to stick to. It’s hard to believe that summer is over though, a bit mad isn’t it?

I have decided that I am going to re-invent myself to become a better woman and to be have and portray myself in the way that God wants me to be and it’s a lot easier said than done especially at University when there is so much going on all at one time, you’re working and you’re making sure you’re eating right and seeing your friends and deadlines but I am really going to try my best to be the best I can be.

I think I might start doing something like a goal of the month where I set one goal for different categories in my life and blog about it to let you know how it goes.

How would you guys feel about that?

I’ve also been thinking about my purpose, and I think I might know what it is finally. Funnily enough, it was written in one of my old agendas and I read it and remembering thinking wow, 12 year old me had such a strong sense of purpose, because I wrote it down so well and beautifully that I feel like it couldn’t have been me that thought of it.

I will write about it when God has given me 100% confirmation but I feel as though that is what it is.

I am going to sign out now because I need to write out a grocery list for this weekend as well as meal prep ideas, then I need to read and write out some notes, respond to some emails AND come up with a schedule so that my days are as productive but spaced out as possible. The whole point is so to be productive, not burnt out.

Thank you for reading and let me know what your goals are for the month of September.

Have a blessed day,

Lots of love,

Gedo xx

 

GGTG: Gettin’ right with God

 

Hey boos,

How are you all doing? Hope your weekend has been all you’ve wanted it to be!

So if you’ve been following my blog consistently, you’ll remember that I posted a blog post Gospel Girltalk…or Guy: An honest Conversation. where I talked about how I didn’t love God as I should and how I only saw him as a military figure (either you do this or you’re out) and I think I can say that I am no longer on that route anymore.

This post is for Christians who are at the same point as me but have no idea how to get out of it, not all the things that worked for me are going to work for you and that’s perfectly fine, don’t beat yourself up about it, every person’s relationship with God is personal and there is no strict/distinct route that everyone must follow!

Here are the few things that I did that helped me.

  1. I constantly asked myself the question “Does this concern/affect my personal relationship with God?” and if the answer was no then I just left it alone.

If you spend a lot of time contemplating about the nitty gritty, thinking about what everybody is saying, taking everyone’s opinion to heart then it’s going to affect your relationship with God because then you’re not looking at him from your eyes, you’re looking at him from the eyes of everyone else.

2. Watch Transformation Church’s grace like a flood series (Grace).

It has helped me so much when it comes to rewiring what I once thought about who God was, it’s helped me see him in a different light. I 100% recommend, over and over again!

3. Listen to gospel music.

I actually enjoy listening to gospel music, I like Hillsong, I like Rend collective, Jesus Culture and some people might find it difficult finding gospel music that they enjoy so a list of gospel music could be something that I can look into.

4. Speak to God like how you’d speak to your friend or your mom.

God is like your closest friend, your dad so feel free to speak to him like your dad that he is. There is no one in this world that loves you and want to be your best friend more than he does so go for it.

5. Don’t put the pressure on yourself.

Don’t fear yourself into pushing him away by thinking you’re not a “good Christian”, God loves you and the moment you remove the pressure from yourself to be “the perfect Christian”, to believe in him, to appreciate all the things he has done for you. Make loving him your goal, not reading the bible everyday or praying twice a day.

From watching the Grace series there’s one thing I learnt that changed everything and that was, people don’t go to hell because of sin, they go to hell because they don’t believe. Human beings will slip and slide but God has already arranged for that, it’s your love he’s out for and once you realise that, it’s easy.

I was talking to one of my christian friends and I asked him how does he love God, how is he so close to him and he told me, I’m not really good at praying or reading the bible everyday and that left me stumped because I was praying and reading my bible everyday but I didn’t feel any connection with God because I didn’t love him. It was only after I retraced my steps, found out how I liked worshipping him (gospel music), learnt about his grace and how he will always love me that I finally began to understand.

Our relationship is not perfect, he is but I’m not and that’s fine because he loves me like that and I will regress sometimes but that’s also fine because he understands, all I need to do is cling onto his hand even when I can’t see his face because at the end of the day even though I may not be able to see him, he’s still carrying me along.

I really hope this helps and if you’re at the same place I was, please reach out because I completely, completely get it.

Have a blessed day,

Lots of love,

Gedo xx

(P.S. I have a fundraiser, https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/ojoagedo-yamusa, please donate if you can!)

 

 

 

The raw side of blogging

Hi.

So you know how in the middle of almost every YouTuber’s career, they decide that they aren’t really doing what they love or what they want and they feel trapped and not really enjoying youtube etc etc, I don’t really know why I felt the need to start with that, anyway..

Ever since I started blogging on wordpress, the first thing on my mind was eventually gaining popularity from it, I instantly started making blog posts that every famous blogger makes, fashion related blogs, how to’s, I created a seperate instagram, I began using “hey boos” as kind of a brand thing, I really really wanted to fold myself into a mould that I felt would help me with my success (basically the clean cream modern blogger look) but I soon realised I really wasn’t good at it, it just wasn’t coming to me.

I’m not really into writing about what’s in my purse or beauty products, I also tried to schedule everything and making everything align and having categories and menus and themes and it never really worked out because it’s not really my thing you know? I mean I don’t really know much about stuff like that because if you know me I’m the most minimal effort person when it comes to things like beauty and makeup (literally my night routine is washing my face and brushing my teeth…if I can even get myself to do that)

What I’m good at and what I care about is genuinely talking (..about me) about things, about personal experiences, about ideas, goals, basically about myself ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ and a couple days ago I decided I would do just that, so I changed my blog outlook completely into something that suits what I want to do so yeah expect a lot of posts about my take and opinion on things (if you care lol)

I’ve just been doing a lot of thinking these days because that’s what you do when exams are over, and I have a lot of things to say just nowhere to say them and I have a lot of things to share just not a lot of places to share them, so just expect a lot of writing, a lot of thoughts and a lot of things that I actually care about.

I’m kind of excited because I feel like I’m finally starting to see what my place is on the blogging scene, basically the raw side of blogging which people don’t really get much of nowadays (idk.)

Anyway enough of that, guys can we talk about The Royal Wedding real quick because I NEED a moment! I’m sure you are sick and tired of it on your feed at this point but I feel like I NEED to talk about it because I honestly loved it so much.

Let’s start off with the guests, I thought it was great that they had a nice range of guests and it was really fun trying to see how many of them I could recognize, not to mention I loved the clothing and seeing everyone dressed up in a way that wasn’t really typical of them. I also loved the flowers (so so pretty) and just the little touches which I will definitely be taking inspiration from for my own wedding.

Meghan’s wedding dress did disappoint me a little at first when she first came out because I thought it was plain but the more I looked at it and her in it, the more she really worked it and looked outstanding so she rocked it (although I have to add in that I loved her evening reception dress so much more.)

Meghan and Harry together were just the best thing, they honestly looked so in love and genuinely happy, you could see it in the way they looked at each other and held each other, it was so endearing.

I love love LOVED how they incorporated both Meghan’s culture and church into the ceremony, I have been listening to the Kingdom’s choir performance of “Stand By Me” over and over again, it was so beautiful. I also really appreciated the diversity; the violinist, the preacher at the wedding, the choir and can we talk about Meghan’s mom attire real quick? she AB-SO-LUTELY MURDERED IT, I loved the color on her, the hat, her hair, she looked graceful, she looked divine, she looked elegant, EVERYTHING!

I really enjoyed the wedding and it feels so weird now that it’s over because I feel like we’ve been talking about it FOREVER!

Hands up if you searched up young princes/princesses because same.

Thank you for reading this and if you’ve been supporting me by reading my blog posts, by commenting, by liking, I thank and appreciate you so much. Blogs have been coming on pretty slow for the past month or so just because I’ve been pretty busy, I’ve had exams, I’ve been applying for things over the summer, enjoying times in the sun with pals before everyone goes off for summer break but I’m home now which means a lot more time to blog and vlog and do things I want to do.

I’m going to love and leave you now because my head kinda hurts.

Thank you for reading! Get access to my social media by scrolling all the way down to the bottom (DO IT NOW!) Come back again next week for more gr8 content.

Have a blessed week,

Lots of love,

Gedo xx