I hope everything is well with you! Mondays can be hard but you’ve got this!
Let’s just jump straight into what we are discussing today, relationships! (juicy..).
So I’ve been completely single, by completely single I mean, no flings, no physical (u know what I mean) contact, not even romantically talking, I’ve just been single. I’ve only had 1 “serious” relationship in my life which ended completely in 2016. From then on, nothing really happened, I spoke to boys but it never really lasted that long. After the last guy I spoke to, I had enough and in an offhandish manner, I told myself that I would spend a year away from boys, and it happened (not necessarily because I was staying away from them lol).
Whilst on this year long break, I discovered quite a lot both generally and specific to me. I thought I’d disclose them..
- Feelings change quickly.
I realised that feelings can develop unexpectedly, quickly and deeply but one can also fall out of them just as unexpectedly and quickly. This may be the reason why a good amount of people get ghosted, because feelings change quickly and unexpectedly and its easier to ghost someone than explain to them that your feelings have changed and you no longer really want to know them. It’s important to not only use your feelings to guage your interest in someone, use your head as well; if they were wearing a red shirt instead of a black one would you still like them? if you saw them in a different environment like walking on the street, would you go up and talk to them?
2. One hardly regrets relationships that never happened.
Let me explain, you meet someone. You think they’re gorg, you slide into their dms. You have a few conversations, you really “imagine” you two would get on well in a relationship, nothing happens still, the feelings fade and on reflection, you find that actually, you’re quite glad nothing happened because once the rose tinted sunglasses come off, then what?
3. Relationships are overrated but then so is being single.
You know when you see someone drink a coke or you smell cake or you watch someone have a doughnut and for the rest of the day, you crave whatever it is you saw the person have? You’re not hungry or anything, you don’t need the cake, the doughnut or the coke but you crave it and most of the time you eventually give into your craving and get it. That’s almost what it’s like looking at couples on instagram or watching them on youtube or even just seeing your friends in relationships. You actually begin to crave it, even when the last thing you actually need is a relationship and you yourself know it but then you get into one and realise it’s actually a lot of work, usually a lot more work than you have time for/are willing to spend.
Singleness is also overrated, people like to believe that singleness is peace of mind and only having to look after your own needs, which it is to some extent but people tend not to talk about the despicable feeling of feeling unwanted, loneliness and even simple things like wanting to share a meme with someone at the end of the day, or an embarrassing story that happened to you, sometimes even just a hug, a deep and meaningful hug.
I actually learnt quite a lot this year and I could do a part 2 if you wanted me to.
Thank you for reading.
Like, comment and follow if you enjoyed it and dont forget to follow me on my socials if you wish.
Have a blessed day,
Lots of love,
So you know how in the middle of almost every YouTuber’s career, they decide that they aren’t really doing what they love or what they want and they feel trapped and not really enjoying youtube etc etc, I don’t really know why I felt the need to start with that, anyway..
Ever since I started blogging on wordpress, the first thing on my mind was eventually gaining popularity from it, I instantly started making blog posts that every famous blogger makes, fashion related blogs, how to’s, I created a seperate instagram, I began using “hey boos” as kind of a brand thing, I really really wanted to fold myself into a mould that I felt would help me with my success (basically the clean cream modern blogger look) but I soon realised I really wasn’t good at it, it just wasn’t coming to me.
I’m not really into writing about what’s in my purse or beauty products, I also tried to schedule everything and making everything align and having categories and menus and themes and it never really worked out because it’s not really my thing you know? I mean I don’t really know much about stuff like that because if you know me I’m the most minimal effort person when it comes to things like beauty and makeup (literally my night routine is washing my face and brushing my teeth…if I can even get myself to do that)
What I’m good at and what I care about is genuinely talking (..about me) about things, about personal experiences, about ideas, goals, basically about myself ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ and a couple days ago I decided I would do just that, so I changed my blog outlook completely into something that suits what I want to do so yeah expect a lot of posts about my take and opinion on things (if you care lol)
I’ve just been doing a lot of thinking these days because that’s what you do when exams are over, and I have a lot of things to say just nowhere to say them and I have a lot of things to share just not a lot of places to share them, so just expect a lot of writing, a lot of thoughts and a lot of things that I actually care about.
I’m kind of excited because I feel like I’m finally starting to see what my place is on the blogging scene, basically the raw side of blogging which people don’t really get much of nowadays (idk.)
Anyway enough of that, guys can we talk about The Royal Wedding real quick because I NEED a moment! I’m sure you are sick and tired of it on your feed at this point but I feel like I NEED to talk about it because I honestly loved it so much.
Let’s start off with the guests, I thought it was great that they had a nice range of guests and it was really fun trying to see how many of them I could recognize, not to mention I loved the clothing and seeing everyone dressed up in a way that wasn’t really typical of them. I also loved the flowers (so so pretty) and just the little touches which I will definitely be taking inspiration from for my own wedding.
Meghan’s wedding dress did disappoint me a little at first when she first came out because I thought it was plain but the more I looked at it and her in it, the more she really worked it and looked outstanding so she rocked it (although I have to add in that I loved her evening reception dress so much more.)
Meghan and Harry together were just the best thing, they honestly looked so in love and genuinely happy, you could see it in the way they looked at each other and held each other, it was so endearing.
I love love LOVED how they incorporated both Meghan’s culture and church into the ceremony, I have been listening to the Kingdom’s choir performance of “Stand By Me” over and over again, it was so beautiful. I also really appreciated the diversity; the violinist, the preacher at the wedding, the choir and can we talk about Meghan’s mom attire real quick? she AB-SO-LUTELY MURDERED IT, I loved the color on her, the hat, her hair, she looked graceful, she looked divine, she looked elegant, EVERYTHING!
I really enjoyed the wedding and it feels so weird now that it’s over because I feel like we’ve been talking about it FOREVER!
Hands up if you searched up young princes/princesses because same.
Thank you for reading this and if you’ve been supporting me by reading my blog posts, by commenting, by liking, I thank and appreciate you so much. Blogs have been coming on pretty slow for the past month or so just because I’ve been pretty busy, I’ve had exams, I’ve been applying for things over the summer, enjoying times in the sun with pals before everyone goes off for summer break but I’m home now which means a lot more time to blog and vlog and do things I want to do.
I’m going to love and leave you now because my head kinda hurts.
Thank you for reading! Get access to my social media by scrolling all the way down to the bottom (DO IT NOW!) Come back again next week for more gr8 content.
Have a blessed week,
Lots of love,
Honestly, this one is for my ladies and gentlemen out there who are their own motivators because I don’t think they get enough credit.
I’m talking about my ladies and gents who even when they are constantly being shot at, they continue to march.
For my people who don’t get the recognition they deserve, who don’t get appreciated but still have the heart to appreciate.
For those people who don’t get noticed but are brave every day.
For those ones who are afraid but don’t let fear cripple them.
The ones that get out of bed everyday and even though they carry the weight of the world on their shoulder, they smile because it’ll be one less thing for someone else to worry about.
The ones that have been stabbed in the heart many times, been disappointed many more but still have the courage to love.
For those who have been bruised, broken and beaten but every time they get up, dust themselves up and keep going.
The ones that are proud of their battle scars.
For my girls and guys who don’t walk into the room expecting heads to turn, because they understand that sweetest fruits are tougher to see, and hardest to reach.
For those who make no apologies about who they are. Who have started a storm inside of them. Who look at their skin and smile because it reminds them that they are alive, and to be alive is assurance enough.
For those ones who have dined with pain, who have dealt with disaster, who have danced with the fire and dribbled with terror but still laugh.
The ones that have accepted themselves for the complicated, awkward, graceless, strange, beautiful mess that they are.
There is beauty in your strength.
There is grace in your fight.
For that, you are glorious.
LOL it has been a very long time, or it feels like it. Happy month of July, I pray the month of July brings a lot of great things for all of you, I have a really good feeling about this month so I am very excited, very exciting things to come so definitely watch this space.
Anyway though, so yesterday, July 6th was a very big moment for a group of people (a people that I have come to relate to), yesterday was IB results day.
For those that don’t know, the IB stands for international Baccalaureate (I spent 2 years doing it and I still dont know how to spell it) and according to the website, it is is a non-profit educational foundation offering four highly respected programmes of international education that develop the intellectual, personal, emotional and social skills needed to live, learn and work in a rapidly globalizing world (IB). Every student knows that anything defined in less than 2 lines is going to be a problem so brace yourself.
There are 4 main parts of the IB programme;
Courses: You have to take 6 2 year courses, atleast 3 of them must be at higher level and with each course you must write an internal assessment, which is like a research paper except your language courses (Spanish, German, English, Yoruba etc) where you write a WA (written assessment). Your WAs get marked by teachers picked by the IB programme whilst your IAs get marked by your actual teachers (which is why they are called Internal Assessments)
TOK: TOK is a 1 year course, it stands for Theory of knowledge (tbh I don’t even know how to explain this subject, let’s just say you talk a lot about a lot of deep stuff that you don’t even care to know unless you care to know) at the end of this course, you have to write your TOK essay
As if you didn’t have enough on your plate there’s still
CAS: Creative, active and Service hours. You have to complete 50 hours of supervised activities under those three categories (not as easy as it sounds), at the end of each activity you have to write a report about it, including what you learn’t from it (and if you didn’t learn anything, you better know how to create something out of nothing, but that’s okay, it’s a skill you’ll learn after the 2 years)
EE: Your extended essay is a 4000 word essay you have to write under a course (any of the 6 courses you’re taking, during my time, it had to be out of your Higher levels but they’ve changed it now)
Ofcourse, there are also tests, quizzes, essays and all that basic stuff you do in class, we had to do that and then these 4 parts so the IB definitely was not for the faint-hearted.
Whilst I was doing the IB, the best part of my day was going to bed because that was the only time I wasn’t worrying about anything. I really didn’t enjoy it, I didn’t hate my school, I didn’t hate my teachers (I actually loved them), I didn’t hate my peers (they were tolerable, lol jk love you guys) but I really disliked doing the IB programme.
Do I regret doing it? I don’t think so, but that’s because I had a great support system (I am blessed to have a family that didn’t add any extra pressure to the pressure I was already putting on myself), I had great friends and understanding teachers so I don’t regret it but if you took away all of that then I think I would have regretted doing it.
Would I recommend it? Depending on the person, if you are a strong person or someone that enjoys challenges or you have a great support system or blessed intellectually then I think definitely go for it but if you are none of the above then don’t do it, it’s a lot of work and a lot of pressure.
Results day was probably one of the worst days of my life, I was so stressed and worried, I couldn’t sleep, my stomach was hurting and I kept using the bathroom every 5 minutes.
When I saw my results, I was shaking, I was so disappointed and maybe heartbroken, my parents had guests that day so when I saw my grades, I went and showed them then I went back into my room literally screaming and crying that I wasn’t going to University, I cried the entire day (thinking back at it now, I roll my eyes, I know I am dramatic but come on Gedo) I got a 29 by the way, I was predicted a 31, so I was 2 points lower than my predictions, although for a lot of them I was 1 point lower from crossing the grade boundary so if I got them remarked and gotten those points I could have gotten a 32 (which isnt a 45 but LOL)
I was so disappointed in my results, I couldn’t even tell people because I felt so ashamed of myself. After calls and preparing myself for clearing, I actually got into Uni with those results, and I ended up not going into clearing.
A year later, with my 29 and a lot of help from God, I have been accepted to schools in Germany, Canada and the UK (I tried again).
Basically what I am trying to say is, at the end of the day, your result is your result, a reflection of how you did at that point in your life not a reflection of yourself. Yes, you got grades you didn’t expect or want but honey it’s not the end of the world, life still goes on and you will go on with it.
I am happy I pushed through and did the IB, I am happy that I have a diploma with my name on it and I am overjoyed it is over.
So no worries my g, you got this.
Lots of love,
The Green Alien Called Jealousy
Hey y’all! It is I! Yes. I said y’all, deal with it (*insert overused meme here*). So, if you haven’t noticed, people have taken over the wonderful Gedo’s blog, and I guess it’s my turn to take my part.
So… I want to discuss something with you people. Don’t worry. This isn’t going to be some lecture or anything. Think of it as, a life lesson. So sit back, grab a couple of snacks, and enjoy.
I want to talk about jealousy. The thing about this eight letter word is it can be really hard for one to confess that they have it. They can deny it all they want, but the truth is… people have expressed some sort of jealous feeling once in their life, like me for instance.
And no, I never got jealous about being in love, or not owning the newest craze (like a fidget spinner). I would be jealous of people’s success, even if I didn’t know them. Of course, I am aware that being jealous is a sin, but is just a humane thing to feel sometimes. I’m not saying ‘Don’t be jealous!’ because everyone has felt it before. Just don’t take it to the point where it drains your energy, you complain about everything, and/or push people away from you.
Now that I have grown older and wiser, that little green alien called jealousy no longer accompanies me. Yes, it does pop by for a visit now again, but I’ve learnt that being jealous isn’t going to solve anything.
Let me give you an example. My friends, course-mates and myself were chilling during lunch one day, and we come across the subject ‘what we wanted do to after this 1st year’. Some are remaining to carry on the particular degree that we are on, whilst the rest want to do something else. Nothing wrong with that. One of them stated how he wants do to medicine, and I responded that one of my friends is studying medicine in Granada. He then smiled and asked if this was really true, with which I responded yes. He continued to smile and nod, but I could catch the small glint of jealousy in his eyes.
Fast forward a couple of months, and he realizes that he can’t do medicine like he wanted to. He complained how he felt like giving up and that there was no point in carry on with the course. I suggested that he could take a different route and do medicine later on in life or do something similar to medicine. But he continued on to complain and became a little envious towards those who are reaching their goals.
The point I’m trying to make, is that it is okay to be disappointed about not being able to do your ‘dream job’ or whatever it is you are trying to achieve. What isn’t okay is being jealous of other people’s success. Being jealous isn’t going to solve anything.
I have noticed through social media and in real life, people seem to be getting more and more jealous of people’s success. I can’t tell them off or rant at them in anyway, because I was once like them. However, I’ve tried guiding them so they no longer feel this way. And I want to share some of these tips with you guys too.
1. If you want something, you need to go out, work hard, and get it.
This is an obvious status, but you will not know how many people I’ve heard complain about not reaching their goals, and then despising those who are ‘living their dream’. First of all, no. They are NOT living your dream. They are living THEIR dream.
I know how annoying and frustrating it can be. This person seems to be going forward whilst you are still suck in a ditch, but this isn’t the case. The person that you despise was exactly where you were before (Surprise!). They just decided to focus and strive towards their goal. Don’t believe me? Do you think Usain Bolt became the fastest runner overnight? What about Kanye West? He had to start somewhere. And John Green. All those drafts certainly payed off in the end. My point is, don’t sit around and hate on those who are working hard.
If you want something, go for it. Work hard. You will get there in the end.
2. Jealousy is so exhausting
Honestly, it is. More than 50% of your energy is used towards being jealous at one time. ONE TIME! And you end up getting tired, stressed, upset, and even more jealous. That energy you used towards jealousy could have been used on something else, something useful, and it might have helped you become closer to your goal.
3. Jealousy is unattractive
In my own opinion, one of the biggest turn offs is being jealous towards someone. Now, I’m not saying ‘Don’t be jealous at all’. But there is a point where if you don’t do anything to be in the same position or even higher than that particular person, you may as well stop talking to me, because I won’t hear it. Harsh I know, but that is the truth. The amount of times I hear someone that I find a bit attractive complaining and not doing anything about it is a big turn off.
Just don’t do it…
4. Jealousy + Complaints = Rage = No friends?
This mathematical equation might not be 100% accurate, but it can be the truth. Once you are jealous, you start complaining. Once you start complaining, you can become extremely angry. Once you are angry, some will not want to associate with you. Harsh? I know. If your true friends still stick with you during this time then cu-dos to them, but I know people who don’t associate with others because of this systematic sequence they go through. They just don’t want to deal or be part of it.
I hope I’ve passed my point across. This little green alien can cause havoc and stress, and can turn our once pure soul into one that is dark.
After a couple of years, I am happy to say that the little alien does not stay as long as it used to before. But how did I do it? I just followed those steps, and other little tricks to help me become calm and peaceful.
Cause in the end, the only person that is going to get hurt is the one who lives with the little green alien.
WARNING: PROMO AHEAD.
There was another topic that I wanted to discuss with you guys, but thought it was more appropriate to talk about it in a video. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SxqrwjUrSfk&feature=youtu.be)
I hope you’ve learned something from this, and I hope it isn’t too cheesy either.
Till next time, this is me signing off.
-Ibukun (Adekemi) Goke-Dabiri
This is Gedo and I am starting this new segment called Sis, say what?? Where great women I know come and they get an opportunity to share their opinions on whatever they want, every Saturday, it’s finna be lit. Now let’s sit back and listen to my sis tell you what’s up.
Yo kids, surprise surprise, it’s not Gedo, it’s Ehi. Now before you start panicking, no she’s not been kidnapped and no she hasn’t fallen off the face of the earth. We just changing things up a lil,
Soooooo I wanna talk about young people in relationships. Just real quick. And when I say young people I don’t mean like 13 and 14 year olds because that’s not a discussion I’m willing to have…anYWAYS. I mean people within my age bracket, so like 18-25.
This whole ting hit me the other day when I was talking to my mans when he got back from work. He sounded really triggered when he started talking about his day so I asked him what was up. Since he’s the youngest at his workplace, all man’s coworkers are like 23, 24 while he’s 19. Apparently they had been talking about relationships and he was like ‘oh yeah guys, BTW I have a girlfriend now’, and they all went ‘awwww that’s so cute too bad it’s not gonna last’. They asked if I had male friends to which Ja’shon responded ‘of course’. They then actually went on to tell him that he should be careful about letting me chill with my male friends because I would probably end up cheating on him. Their argument went along the lines of ‘girls our age aren’t ready to settle down, they’re not built for monogamous relationships. It’s just not gonna work. They’ll always end up cheating because being faithful is too difficult.’ Mans was actually confounded like he was genuinely trying to figure out whether or not they were joking.
Naturally, when he told me I was shook, shooked, shooketh, and shookington. Here are these people that don’t even know me and they’re already passing judgment on my character based on what? My age and my status? Nahhhh fam. Thank God mans is an actual decent human being and was there to defend my honour haha
There are two things that irritate me most about this situation. The first one kinda piggy backs on Gedo’s last post: Women against Women (go read it if you haven’t, it’s ). If it was even a group of broken-hearted, single dudes spouting this rubbish, I could maybe kind of sort of understand their mindset (not to excuse the nonsense that some boys say ehn, just saying that some boys are just bitter af once they get their hearts broken). But there were WOMEN there IN MY AGE BRACKET telling him the same thing?????? Like where is the support for ya girl? Maybe it was the peer pressure from the guys or maybe they actually held those opinions. Either way, I’m so h’annoyed, and not just for myself.
By implying that all women of our age are unfaithful, that’s generalizing their own characters and morals too, innit? I’m not asking you to vouch for my character, you don’t know me like dat. But if you’re not going to give me the benefit of the doubt, don’t assume that I’m a cheater either, feel me? Don’t paint me as some insatiable creature that can’t possibly survive without more than one man. Just for the record, I was single for a hot minute and thriving, thank you very much.
The second thing is that they just assumed that because we’re youngins in a relationship, it wasn’t going to last. Wawuu the cynicism is real. I feel like hope in our generation has hella deteriorated recently, and it’s a wee bit demoralizing. It makes you feel like ‘if nobody believes in you, why even bother to put in effort?’ But I feel like this attitude actually provides us with a wonderful opportunity. An opportunity to fight back and prove all these haters wrong Obvs don’t actually physically or verbally fight them for disagreeing with you, I dont endorse that lol. But if you fight back by making your relationship work and work well, isn’t that the best way to prove them wrong?
[Disclaimer: if you’re in a relationship just because people said you couldn’t make one work, please circumcise your thoughts and replenish your goals]
Sha, that’s all I have for today. Hope you guys enjoyed my wee takeover. Till next time
Have a blessed day, stay hopeful x
I have decided that I am going to change “Geespeaks” to “Honestly tho” because I think it sounds nicer, not to mention that’s basically what I say when I am about to spill some real juice.
So I wanna talk about this because it lowkeys pisses a b off (this is very un-blog-professional but I don’t care, this is my blog, I do what I want) so it annoys me and it’s something that I have noticed especially here in Nigeria and that is;
how unfriendly women are to their fellow women.
It annoys me so much because as women we basically owe it to ourselves to be nice to each other, how can we be going through the same struggle, we are both hustling yet you can’t even help me open the door when you see my hands are full?
Why do we need to be so horrible to each other? stab each other in the back, judge unnecessarily, we’ll easily throw an insult before going to compliment a fellow girl and it really should not be so. The world is already so unfair to us, judging our every move, why should we be unfair to each other as well?
Why can’t we be as nice to each other as we are to the guys who don’t even think about us? Imagine a world where a guy cheats and we side with each other instead of blaming the girl for not being able to keep her man? Imagine not even celebrating the ability to take another girl’s man? Imagine removing the focus on the guy in general and instead focusing on the powerful woman? Imagine not looking at another woman’s beauty as the absence of your own? Imagine bathroom talk but everywhere?
I know it’s hard because sometimes you don’t even know when the disapproving hiss comes out but for every disapproving hiss there should be three heartfelt compliments.
I just want to be able to trust all of you girls and for us to glow together. I just want any of us to be able to walk into any room and feel empowered, we don’t even need to say anything, just that smile is all I need and we all know the smile I am talking about.
Honestly tho I really admire females, from baby girls to women because we have such a strength and beauty both on the inside and on the outside of us and I just want us to bind together; I just want women to be for women.
Have a lovely week,
disclaimer: the picture in the featured image is not mine, source link below.
<a href=”http://www.freepik.com/free-vector/sketched-fashion-girl-with-pink-dress_717810.htm”>Designed by Freepik</a>
“Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. Don’t you realise that your body is the temple of the Holy spirit who lives in you and was given to you by God, You do not belong to yourself” 1 Cor 6: 18-19 (Girls life application study bible version) *
How has your week been? How was Easter, mine was pretty chilled and laid back. On Sunday I went to church, the service was really good, I actually cried. The rest of my week is just going to be work, even Saturday and Sunday but it’s okay man must grind for what man wants.
So we all know, at this point what sex is and if you don’t know what sex is, stay that way, it wont be too long now before the world strips you off your innocence. (Lowkey it is important to learn about it biologically so maybe wait for sex ed or a biology class or something).
Sex is a topic that has really intrigued the human race, it’s the type of thing you will find pretty much everywhere, in music, television,etc, it’s pretty much become normal (unfortunately).
Don’t get me wrong, sex is great but God gave us an inch and we took 5 miles. We will get to why in a bit but I want to talk about something else, in Nigeria they call it “gives” which is just another word for foreplay or hooking up.
A lot of youth like to fool themselves and think oh this isn’t sex so this is fine.
No baby no, it is not fine, let me tell you something. Foreplay is defined as sexual activity that precedes sexual intercourse. Foreplay and masturbation are both not okay because they prepare your body for sexual intercourse. As Christians, it is very important to understand that the actions we take have serious spiritual consequences, especially us young Christians. By subjecting yourself to foreplay, physically you are opening yourself to unnecessary stress because when you partake in foreplay and you get used to it, you start getting “needs” and urges that unless you do something about, can start affecting your mind, your emotions and your concentration which can then leak into things like your education and your relationships. Not to mention, it can put you in very compromising situations, say your partner does not have the same level of self control as you and then begins to pressure you to have sex or worst of all, has sex with you without your consent (rape).
Spiritually, let’s say you used to “give” in your past and you give your life to Christ in order to take your relationship with God to the next level and God forgives you, don’t you think that these thoughts and these urges will persist or do you think oh because you asked God for forgiveness, everything will be perfect. I like to give the example of a person who has committed murder, although the person has asked God for forgiveness (let’s call this person Jane) and mercy and he has forgiven Jane and Jane’s place in heaven is secure, Jane is still going to go to prison. God will help Jane whilst she is in prison by giving her the strength to go on, he’ll make the wardens like her so things might be easier for her but she will still go to prison. This scenario is similar to sexual sin, although you ask God for forgiveness and God forgives you. Those sexual thoughts will still be there and the urges will still be there and they will be very strong and you will struggle, you will struggle so hard to overcome it, you will feel so much guilt every time and even though you don’t want to have the thoughts you are having, you will still have them. This is because the devil doesn’t want you out of the trap that he has placed you in so he makes you feel like you can never come out of it and if that doesn’t work he will try to make you feel guilty and miserable so that you wont be happy with the decision you have made.
Slowly with the grace and the strength of God you will overcome the urges and the thoughts and the guilt but even then, sometimes you might get them again and it will scare you because you’d think you’re over it. Whenever this happens, just know that the devil is trying to tempt you, he is trying to lure you back into your trap, he thinks that if he has succeeded before then he can succeed again but again with the grace and strength of God you will overcome.
You will always overcome the devil and his tricks with God but the road is long, painful and difficult, the pleasure you think you are having is certainly not worth the long and painful struggle.
Pornography, “gives”, hooking up, masturbation, it can completely destroy your mind. Your brain doesn’t forget, especially what your eyes see. So even if you’ve seen something for 10 seconds, the image will be stored in your brain to be replayed at the most inconvenient of times, at church, at school, wherever and whenever.
So no, gives and hooking up and masturbating and pornography just because it’s not actually sex or it’s not you that’s having the sex or you’re not having it with someone, still has an effect on you and not a good one.
Now here are the reasons why sex before marriage is not a good idea, I am going to do it in list for so neither you nor I get lost in the stew.
- Some of the people that are having sex before marriage are not mature enough to handle it, how can you be having sex but you can’t even say the word vagina or penis or even the word sex?
2. Having pre-marital sex can cause issues for your marriage sex.
Let me tell you how, say you’ve been having oral pre-marital sex, the girl you have proposed to says she is celibate you say okay, you guys get married and you like oral sex, you have experienced oral sex you know what it feels like and you really like it but she doesn’t want to even think about giving it a go. That’s the beginning of trouble because then you’re going to say she is not satisfying you so you might begin to look elsewhere and that’s the beginning of the end of your marriage, something that you could have avoided just by doing what you were supposed to do and waiting till marriage.
3. Urges and needs that you really don’t need to be thinking about.
Being youth is already hard enough, being Christian isn’t always going to be easy so why would you add more weight on your back? Think about it really, all the time you spent trying to get that girl to have sex with you or grooming yourself for the encounter, all the times that you have had sex which only gave you a short amount of pleasure, imagine if you had spent that time on something useful or something that you were actually passionate about, think about were you would be right now. You already have to stress about school, about your parents, your friends, now you also have to think about the next time you’re going to get “gives” or how to hide whatever it is you’re doing from people like your parents, it’s just too much.
4. Jesus gave his life for that body, God gave up his son for that body and now you’re just going to give it away to someone else, just like that?
In 1 Corinthians 6 MSG it says “for God bought you with a high price(sending his son, Jesus Christ down to earth to die for our sins) you must honor God with your body”
Imagine if you worked so hard for something, maybe a birthday present for your mom, you worked so hard for 3 years to get that present and then she just gave it away to someone else with no remorse at all or maybe the flimsy excuse of “oh I really felt a connection with the person” or “I just wanted to know what it feels like” or even “all my friends were doing it”, would you not feel absolutely terrible and just very angry, so imagine what God feels like. God gave up his son, Jesus gave up his life for you and your body and you just want to give it away like that? I know a lot of people like to say oh well I feel a strong connection with the person and we have been together for a long time so we thought why wait? But let me counter that, if you know you’re going to end up with the person at the end of the day and you feel the connection, why not wait and just know that when you finally get to have sex it will be worth it because it’s with someone you love, someone who has promised to stick with you and someone who you’re going to share your life with. You’re going to have sex eventually, you might as well just wait till you find the person you really and truly love (God’s kind of true love though not the human type of true love, check out 1 corinthians 4 to know what I mean)
5. You will find that people who partake in casual sex often feel lonely and bleak after the sex is over, God knew what he was doing when he was telling us what to do, you just need to take the time to understand it.
6. You could potentially get STDS.
If someone came up to you and gave you a cookie and said oh, have this cookie but if you eat this you may or may not suffer severe diarrhea for a couple of days or death, your call. Think about it carefully, would you still eat the cookie? You know you would just smile and say thank you and dump it in the nearest bin because aint nobody got time for sitting in the toilet for hours because of one cookie that I could probably make myself. So why are you willing to do something that similar for sex?
People like to say well the reason for a lot of underaged/undercooked marriages is because the couple want to have sex and then the marriage doesn’t even end up working because they jumped into it
What I have to say to that is, if the main reason you want to get married is because you want to have sex then you need to analyse the relationship and analyse yourself first because that says a lot more about you than it does about the boundary.
Personally I like to think that when you love someone and you really want to be with them, sex wont or shouldnt be that big of a deal because there is more to your relationship than sex, it is so much easier to be in a sex-less or give-less relationship when you have not experienced either. It is so much harder for a person who has experienced gives or sex to be in a relationship with someone who hasn’t because the person with experience will feel and express urges that the experience-less person cannot understand and that can cause issues in the relationship.
So straight up, I think sex before marriage is bad, I think gives are bad, I think pornography and masturbation are bad and should be avoided.
I just wanted to talk about this because I feel like it could be difficult for a budding christian to understand because you will find Christians who say they are Christians but comfortably have sex before marriage and don’t think there is anything wrong about it when it is. Not just only sex but “gives” as well or anything of that nature.
I hope this shed more light to any confusion.
Here are some bible verses* to show that fornication (sexual intercourse between two people who are not married) is not actually acceptable.
“When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear. Sexual immortality, impurity, lustful pleasures, idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, bursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, envy, drunkenness, wild parties and other sins like these. Let me tell you again as I have said before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the kingdom of God”
1 Thessalonians 4:3-5
“God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from ALL sexual sin. Then each of you will control his own body and live in holiness and honor- not in lustful passion like the pagans who do not know God and his ways”
If you have fallen into the trap (pretty much) that is sex before marriage and all activities pertaining to it and you are guilty and you see it is definitely affecting your life negatively and you dont know how to stop, definitely talk to God first, ask for his forgiviness and ask for his strength to help you go forth with this journey and then as crazy as this might sound, make sure you tell somebody else preferably an authoritative figure that can help you like your parents, mentor, aunt, youth pastor, whoever.
Have a blessed week,
Lots of love,
*That is my bible, all the bible quotes on this post are from my bible.
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To whom it may concern,
It’s been a week since the physical breakup. This has been probably one of the worst weeks of my life. I have tried to immerse myself in work, focusing only on school, on work but every time I am finally in focus, whenever I am finally on my grind, I remember him and then the tears fall and I can’t help it.
I want to disappear, I just want to stop existing, I want to do anything that will make this pain stop. I just want to stop crying, I just want him to want me back.
What was wrong with me? I was happy, I thought he was happy, what did I do?
It’s so hard to drag myself out of bed, I dont even wear makeup, I just keep remembering how we were last week. He came to see me. I can”t even think about it.
I remember when he told me
I just want to forget. I just want it to stop.
How can anyone do this.-
I dont want to see anybody, everytime I hear my phone dings my heart stops because I think it is him but everytime I check it isn’t.
What is life if he’s not in it?
I dont remember a time when he wasnt there
Everyone is telling me Im better off that he just lost something really good but its a lie, I’m not better off
I’m so tired
All I want is for him to hug me and tell me he made a mistake, or that he was just joking
I thought he needed me the way I needed him.
I told my mother about it, she doesnt understand, I am not as strong as her, she wanted me to forget about him, she wanted me to be angry at me, she wanted me to be not upset but I can’t, I wish I could but I can’t. I love him,
I want to tell you how the break up happened but everytime I think about, I just cry.
It’s not fair, I am here listening to shitty break up songs feeling shitty about myself because of some shitty boy who doesnt think I was good enough for him.
I just dont understand why anyone would play someone they claimed that they loved, several times. Don’t I deserve happiness too?
I miss him
I miss him so much