Over weight: the food bit

Disclaimer: This post contains themes of like skipping meals, and the unhealthy desire to be skinny. I am not saying that being skinny is wrong, I am say the way I went about it IS. 

Hey boos,

How are you?

So I know this post is very late but listen, but here it is! If you’re a bit confused, the first part is here.

In the last episode, I talked about my story and gave a general overview of where it all began. Today, I’m going to speak about my relationship with food.

I don’t think, until now, I’ve ever had a good relationship with food, I used to see it as something that made me gain weight so on the days I went without it or ate little of it, I felt happy. I used to feel a certain novelty in being able to say I skipped breakfast or I hadn’t eaten lunch. I’m skipping ahead though, let’s start from the very beginning.

When I was very little, my parents told me that it used to be a struggle to feed me because I was very picky with what I ate (I don’t remember this) however that changed and I loved food, but not regular food, unhealthy food. I started eating a lot, and then I started eating, not because I was hungry, but because I was bored and I would eat big portions so obviously I was going to gain weight and I did (I remember this).

I wasn’t obese or anything but I was chubby and visibly bigger than all of my friends, well not friends, I didn’t have many friends in primary school (lol). Most of my female peers were slimmer than I was so that obviously didn’t really help my self-esteem. It also didn’t help that the popular girls in movies and TV were usually skinny and pretty with long hair and I wanted to be popular, so you can imagine I wasn’t exactly pleased with my chubby nature. I wanted to be skinny but I don’t remember ever actually doing anything to actively get me there.

The skipping meals didn’t start until boarding school, at the time I didn’t skip them because I wanted to lose weight, I just skipped it because I didn’t like the food they served so I lost a lot of weight, I lost so much weight. I wish I had a picture but I only have one picture from back then and I don’t even know where that picture is but I was so skinny then (I looked sick, it doesn’t look like me at all) and what is funny now that I think about it, I didn’t know I was skinny, I still thought I was chubby.

I don’t remember when I actively started skipping meals to lose weight, I think somewhere between The Netherlands and Scotland. I would skip meals and try to eat smaller portions and then binge on unhealthy food and feel guilty, it was just that never ending cycle. I didn’t see food as something that nourished my body or helped me grow, I never really saw it as a positive thing. I thought “healthy” meant “few” so the less calories I ate, the better.

This bring us to the beginning of last year when I started hanging out more with my friends, the thing about living with people is you get to see their life habits, habits like what they eat and in my case how much they eat. It made me extremely self conscious when my friends would eat half their meal and say they were full when there was me who was still hungry after eating the whole thing. This, interestingly enough, had never been a problem for me so I had no idea how to deal with it. What did I do? I tried to cut down on my eating which as you can imagine just left me hungry and wanting to snack on just about anything and everything, so now not only was I not eating enough nutrients for me, I was also filling the gap with a lot of snacks. I eventually realised that everyone has different needs and everyone has different food habits, that does not necessarily mean that mine are bad. What is good for the goose does not always have to be good for the gander.

My relationship with food is a lot better than it used to be, I try to eat when I am hungry and I try to eat enough to fill me. I try my best to watch what I eat and make healthy alternatives instead of just cutting it out of my diet completely. I try not to beat myself up when I binge on unhealthy food because I know now that this is a process and Rome wasn’t built in a day.

I’m doing these series just in case there might be anyone who could be going through their own health process right now and I would like for them to know that they are not alone and that this is a journey, everyday will not go exactly as you plan it and you need to learn to forgive yourself and let go.

I hope you enjoyed this and I’ll see you next week.

Have a blessed day,

Lots of love,

Gedo xx

August recap: Break, University, Self-reinvention

Hey boos,

It’s ya girl next door, how are you? (My flatmates are currently getting ready to go out and I can hear them discussing outfits, s/o to you sisters)

So it’s been very quiet on my end lately, both social media, youtube and blogging wise that’s because I have in fact moved back into University for my second year and I am currently juggling 2 jobs, education, social life and good life habits and let me tell you something it is not easy. I like it though I feel like now I have less time for idleness.

Anyway, my August recap, I feel like August was a really good month for me, I drew closer to God and was able to stick to the tasks I wanted to stick to. It’s hard to believe that summer is over though, a bit mad isn’t it?

I have decided that I am going to re-invent myself to become a better woman and to be have and portray myself in the way that God wants me to be and it’s a lot easier said than done especially at University when there is so much going on all at one time, you’re working and you’re making sure you’re eating right and seeing your friends and deadlines but I am really going to try my best to be the best I can be.

I think I might start doing something like a goal of the month where I set one goal for different categories in my life and blog about it to let you know how it goes.

How would you guys feel about that?

I’ve also been thinking about my purpose, and I think I might know what it is finally. Funnily enough, it was written in one of my old agendas and I read it and remembering thinking wow, 12 year old me had such a strong sense of purpose, because I wrote it down so well and beautifully that I feel like it couldn’t have been me that thought of it.

I will write about it when God has given me 100% confirmation but I feel as though that is what it is.

I am going to sign out now because I need to write out a grocery list for this weekend as well as meal prep ideas, then I need to read and write out some notes, respond to some emails AND come up with a schedule so that my days are as productive but spaced out as possible. The whole point is so to be productive, not burnt out.

Thank you for reading and let me know what your goals are for the month of September.

Have a blessed day,

Lots of love,

Gedo xx

 

The Aftermatt -pt 3 & 4

March- Absentmindedness

I make tea.
It tastes funny.
April – Depression 
The tears continue to stream down my eyes. Sleep seems lonelier now.
It doesn’t matter, I don’t want to sleep anyway. It seems like I don’t know how to.
I hope that if I don’t go to sleep then perhaps the day last longer and if the day last longer that is one less day that I have to get ready to go on without him.
I am falling apart and I know it.
I want to switch off. I wish I could switch off. Every breathe feels like an arrow to the heart. I haven’t used my phone in days, there is no point. How can I touch my phone knowing that the last time I touched it, I was with him. Knowing that we made plans on that device, we declared love on it.
His face is on my screen.
His face is on my mind.
I want to switch off.
Another wave of showers

The raw side of blogging

Hi.

So you know how in the middle of almost every YouTuber’s career, they decide that they aren’t really doing what they love or what they want and they feel trapped and not really enjoying youtube etc etc, I don’t really know why I felt the need to start with that, anyway..

Ever since I started blogging on wordpress, the first thing on my mind was eventually gaining popularity from it, I instantly started making blog posts that every famous blogger makes, fashion related blogs, how to’s, I created a seperate instagram, I began using “hey boos” as kind of a brand thing, I really really wanted to fold myself into a mould that I felt would help me with my success (basically the clean cream modern blogger look) but I soon realised I really wasn’t good at it, it just wasn’t coming to me.

I’m not really into writing about what’s in my purse or beauty products, I also tried to schedule everything and making everything align and having categories and menus and themes and it never really worked out because it’s not really my thing you know? I mean I don’t really know much about stuff like that because if you know me I’m the most minimal effort person when it comes to things like beauty and makeup (literally my night routine is washing my face and brushing my teeth…if I can even get myself to do that)

What I’m good at and what I care about is genuinely talking (..about me) about things, about personal experiences, about ideas, goals, basically about myself ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ and a couple days ago I decided I would do just that, so I changed my blog outlook completely into something that suits what I want to do so yeah expect a lot of posts about my take and opinion on things (if you care lol)

I’ve just been doing a lot of thinking these days because that’s what you do when exams are over, and I have a lot of things to say just nowhere to say them and I have a lot of things to share just not a lot of places to share them, so just expect a lot of writing, a lot of thoughts and a lot of things that I actually care about.

I’m kind of excited because I feel like I’m finally starting to see what my place is on the blogging scene, basically the raw side of blogging which people don’t really get much of nowadays (idk.)

Anyway enough of that, guys can we talk about The Royal Wedding real quick because I NEED a moment! I’m sure you are sick and tired of it on your feed at this point but I feel like I NEED to talk about it because I honestly loved it so much.

Let’s start off with the guests, I thought it was great that they had a nice range of guests and it was really fun trying to see how many of them I could recognize, not to mention I loved the clothing and seeing everyone dressed up in a way that wasn’t really typical of them. I also loved the flowers (so so pretty) and just the little touches which I will definitely be taking inspiration from for my own wedding.

Meghan’s wedding dress did disappoint me a little at first when she first came out because I thought it was plain but the more I looked at it and her in it, the more she really worked it and looked outstanding so she rocked it (although I have to add in that I loved her evening reception dress so much more.)

Meghan and Harry together were just the best thing, they honestly looked so in love and genuinely happy, you could see it in the way they looked at each other and held each other, it was so endearing.

I love love LOVED how they incorporated both Meghan’s culture and church into the ceremony, I have been listening to the Kingdom’s choir performance of “Stand By Me” over and over again, it was so beautiful. I also really appreciated the diversity; the violinist, the preacher at the wedding, the choir and can we talk about Meghan’s mom attire real quick? she AB-SO-LUTELY MURDERED IT, I loved the color on her, the hat, her hair, she looked graceful, she looked divine, she looked elegant, EVERYTHING!

I really enjoyed the wedding and it feels so weird now that it’s over because I feel like we’ve been talking about it FOREVER!

Hands up if you searched up young princes/princesses because same.

Thank you for reading this and if you’ve been supporting me by reading my blog posts, by commenting, by liking, I thank and appreciate you so much. Blogs have been coming on pretty slow for the past month or so just because I’ve been pretty busy, I’ve had exams, I’ve been applying for things over the summer, enjoying times in the sun with pals before everyone goes off for summer break but I’m home now which means a lot more time to blog and vlog and do things I want to do.

I’m going to love and leave you now because my head kinda hurts.

Thank you for reading! Get access to my social media by scrolling all the way down to the bottom (DO IT NOW!) Come back again next week for more gr8 content.

Have a blessed week,

Lots of love,

Gedo xx

Ode to the nameless.

Honestly, this one is for my ladies and gentlemen out there who are their own motivators because I don’t think they get enough credit.

I’m talking about my ladies and gents who even when they are constantly being shot at, they continue to march.

For my people who don’t get the recognition they deserve, who don’t get appreciated but still have the heart to appreciate.

For those people who don’t get noticed but are brave every day.

For those ones who are afraid but don’t let fear cripple them.

The ones that get out of bed everyday and even though they carry the weight of the world on their shoulder, they smile because it’ll be one less thing for someone else to worry about.

The ones that have been stabbed in the heart many times, been disappointed many more but still have the courage to love.

For those who have been bruised, broken and beaten but every time they get up, dust themselves up and keep going.

The ones that are proud of their battle scars.

For my girls and guys who don’t walk into the room expecting heads to turn, because they understand that sweetest fruits are tougher to see, and hardest to reach.

For those who make no apologies about who they are. Who have started a storm inside of them. Who look at their skin and smile because it reminds them that they are alive, and to be alive is assurance enough.

For those ones who have dined with pain, who have dealt with disaster, who have danced with the fire and dribbled with terror but still laugh.

The ones that have accepted themselves for the complicated, awkward, graceless, strange, beautiful mess that they are.

There is beauty in your strength.

There is grace in your fight.

For that, you are glorious.

 

 

Gospel Girltalk..or Guy: #IfIWasn’tAChristian

Hey boos,

Fancy seeing you here huh?

*insert awkward stare down*

Okay so I might have skipped several upload days but it’s fine, I had exams and that’s a pretty good excuse. Those exams are now nicely tucked away so here I am again, back from hiding and  ready for the Christmas festivities. I am listening to Christmas music as I write this.

I love everything about Christmas, it’s genuinely my favorite holiday and the fact that my birthday is IN the Christmas season makes everything so much better (ain’t nothing better than coming together, celebrating Jesus, family and friend togetherness and just all round love) I love it, I really do.

Anyway I haven’t done a GGTG in what feels like a while, so here we are.

Today, I am going to talk about what I would be like if I wasn’t a Christian. So I was on the bus a couple weeks ago and I was just thinking about, you know deep things, and this came into my head and I thought I’d share it.

I can honestly and truthfully say that being a Christian has made me a better person and not just saying that because I’m a Christian (trying to make other people see Christianity as well).

what? who said that?

giphy2

If I wasn’t a Christian, I don’t think I would be a very likable person. I would have been extremely rude, and people probably wouldn’t be able to stand me. I would be hateful and judgmental. Sometimes I catch my thoughts when I’m off-guard and I would have been a mean person who didn’t know when to stop. Having Christ in my life and reading the bible has helped me see what a Christian should be like, loving, kind, patient, non-judgmental, non-deceitful, a person anyone can come to and feel at ease.

If I wasn’t a Christian, I would take absolutely everything for granted and never be thankful for what I have or what anyone has done for me, I would definitely have felt like the world owed me something, and if I didn’t get my way I would be very upset. I would never try to see the other side and revenge would always be the answer.

I would have been a liar. I would not have known what to do with honesty and I definitely would not have known how to handle disappointment.

I would be depressed and lonely.

I would be the kind of person that makes these horrible, senseless jokes that are just so bad (I don’t mean cringey, I mean hurtful or just bad) that you would even feel bad for laughing. I would have thought the whole world was out to get me and felt very unloved. I would have depended on guys to give me their seal of approval and if they didn’t, I would have felt like I wasn’t good enough or that there was something wrong with me.

I would have felt very lost.

I mean my poetry would be at its peak but it would come at the cost of my happiness.

It’s interesting because I did use to be and feel all these things and I was never happy with myself and I used to indulge in things that I regret now. Seeing myself now that I know who God is and learning more and more about him versus the way I was before, I honestly cannot sit here and say that God is not real and that he hasn’t done anything for me.

I’m a lot more emotionally stable now, I am cheerier and I think a bit more patient and loving and accepting. I won’t lie, on very rare occasions I wish I could just shrug off my morals and shrug off all that God has taught me and just do what I want but then I remember the person I was and I don’t want to be her again, for anything.

This is definitely not the end of the road for me, I still have a lot more growing and learning to do and I can’t wait to look back, weeks, months, years from now and see how I have changed.

Wow that got very deep, very fast.

So there we have it folks, how I would be #IfIWasntAChristian

Tell me in the comments your  #IfIWasntAChristian story, and if you have ever felt any of the things I felt before Christ or if you’re going through them right now.

If you liked what you read make sure you like and hit that follow button on the right to be made aware whenever I post and if you still can’t get enough of me, follow my social media links on the right, let’s make our friendship better 😉

Lots of love,

Gedo xx

 

 

Get to know me tag: 2017 version

Hey boos,
How are you? How is it going? Exam season is upon us and you know what that means..
giphy
Dw, if God got us then we gon’ be alright. 
I wanted to throw it back to 2012,  the year of morning routines, night routines and sweet, sweet tags.
Today I’m gonna do the get to know me tag, I did it 2 years ago but I change every minute so I decided to do another one. I did 30 questions 2 years ago so this year I am going to do 60!
Sit back, relax and prepare to learn more about me than you probably care for.
What is your full name?
Ojoagedo Zainab Yamusa

Are you named after anyone?

Not that I know of

What does your name mean?

Ojoagedo means God judges not from your outward appearance but by what is inside your heart.

Where are you from?

Kogi state, Nigeria.

Where do you live?

Scotland.

Where were you born?

Zaria, Nigeria.

Which of your parents are you closest to?

Both, it just usually depends on who is location-ally closest to me, perhaps my mom but my dad and I get along very well.

Which of your parents are you more like?

My dad, I think,

What is your favorite drink?

At this very moment, a virgin shirley temple, or a diet pepsi.

What is your favorite food?

At this very moment, Nandos chicken thighs with peri salted chips, perri-tamer sauce and garlic bread.

What is your favorite holiday destination?

Spain.

What is your favorite childhood memory?

Holidays with the fam.

What is your favorite way to pass time?

Editing or watching youtube videos.

What is your favorite snack?

Sweet popcorn and wafers.

What is your favorite sport?

Lol. Does dance count as a sport?

What is your biggest regret?

My rebellious stage.

Are you a fan of any sports team?

HAH funny.

Are you a dog person or cat person?

floofers (dogs)

Are you scared of heights?

Not really.

At what age did you go on your first date?

Never been on one (oops..)

What is an ideal first date for you?

As long as I like the person and it’s thoughtful then any date is an ideal first date.

What is at the top of your bucket list?

Success.

What is something you are gifted at?

Probably writing.

What is something you look for in a partner?

Jesus’s nod of approval.

What is something you wish you were gifted at doing?

Painting.

What is the one item you can’t leave home without?

Clothes.

What is the best compliment you have ever received?

“You’re my favourite person.”

What is the first book you remember reading?

those ladybird books with my mom. (Thanks mom)

What is the first movie you remember seeing?

I don’t even know

What is the last book you read?

I don’t remember what it’s called, I didn’t get to finish it. In my defense, the book was in a library in Nigeria and I’m no longer there.

Do you like pets?

oh do I??????? (love ’em)

Do you have any pets?

No :(, I want a pig and a puppy.

What is the name of your first pet?

Her name was Lady, from Lady and the tramp.

What is your best physical feature?

Smile.

What is your biggest accomplishment?

Getting through this past year.

What is your eye color?

Brown.

What is your favorite color?

Pink.

What is your favorite fairytale?

Hercules or Pocahontas.

What is your favorite ice-cream flavor?

Salted Caramel.

What is your favorite music genre?

I don’t really know, it depends on the time you catch me but right now probably mainstream pop lol.

What is your favorite nickname?

Princess.

What is your favorite quote?

“And now these three remain, faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love” (1 corinthians 13:13 NIV)

What is your favorite type of clothing?

Culottes.

What is your most commonly used swear word?

I don’t swear.

What is your star sign?

Sagittarius but I dont believe in horoscopes and such.

Do you have a best friend, if so, then who?

Not a best friend, a soul sister, her name is Ehi.

Do you have a tattoo?

YeaA..a tattoo of Jesus’s love in my heart (LOOOooLLlllL) No I don’t have a tattoo.

Do you have any allergies?

No.

Do you have any birthmarks? If so, where?

Yea, on my arm, forehead, below my eye, I think there’s one next to my lip as well.

Do you hold any convictions that you would be willing to die for?

None that I say confidently.

Do you prefer kissing or cuddling?

Cuddling.

What piece of technology can you not live without?

Phone.

What was the first concert you ever attended?

I haven’t, but I had always hoped it’d be one direction.

What was your favorite subject in High School?

History.

What was your first job?

Paper girl, I hated it.

What was your least favorite subject in High School?

Chemistry.

What is the furthest you’ve ever been from home?

eh, probably America.

What is your biggest fear?

All the people I love dying.

When did you suffer your first heartbreak?

2016

When was the first time you were on a plane?

When I was a wee babe.

 

I hope you enjoyed getting to know more about me, comment down below what your favourite memory is and don’t forget to hit that follow button on the right to be updated when I post. Like and comment and share with your friends!

Have a blessed weekend,

Lots of love,

Gedo xx

 

Questions gotten from https://www.tagquestions.net/get-to-know-me-tag/