OVER weight: my story

Hey boos,

How is it going? good? that’s good.

I’ve decided I’m gonna do a series called OVER weight which follows my weight journey. This was supposed to be one blog post but I realised I have a lot to say so it’s gonna be a 3 part series. The next one is gonna go in depth with my relationship with food but this one is more about how it all began and where I’m at now.

Today’s topic is gonna be a hard hitting one but let’s not make it awkward though. Let’s remember that this was then and now is now and I’m more than good now. I think it’s good to talk about these things because someone might be going through it right now and they might see or read something like this and feel better.

Anyway so back then, I didn’t really have a good relationship with my weight, not anyone’s fault, there was no childhood trauma that made me rely on food as a crutch, I had a really great childhood. When I was really young, I did not enjoy eating and it was a struggle for my parents to get me to eat but I had a really bad sweet tooth so it wasn’t long before I started putting on weight.

I don’t remember weight being an issue for me until I got into primary school.

Kids were vicious and I’m not going to play the victim card because I know I was vicious too so again, it was no one’s fault. I got picked on a lot because of my weight (I wore glasses as well so that didn’t really help my situation). I left the school and things got better because I went to a new school where I was appreciated and my weight wasn’t made fun of  but the damage had already been done.

My weight became my touchy subject and I always saw myself as overweight even when I wasn’t.

I moved countries and became even more aware of my weight, I had lost most of my baby fat by then but I could not shake off the feeling of being overweight. I remember a girl, my friend, poked my stomach once through my hoodie and I shrinked, I didn’t want her to feel my big stomach. Holland was good for me though, we ate very healthy and biked everywhere, I was probably my most fit then.

It got worse when we moved again though, this time to Aberdeen. Biking didn’t really happen anymore because we took the bus, I had friends again and a wide variety of unhealthy places to go out to eat, we still ate healthy at home though. It got worse because all I could see was how overweight I was (even though I wasn’t really..) and gaining weight was my biggest fear. I used to hate my body, I have this memory of just staring at myself in the mirror and looking at my thighs (so cliche) and just feeling so ugly.

I wanted to be skinny but I couldn’t, I would eat unhealthy things or just too much and then feel guilty then I would try to make myself throw up the food so atleast it wouldn’t be in my stomach (it never stuck, thank God) but I couldn’t get myself to throw up. Now I like to think that it was God helping me out but back then I did not see it like that. I frequently asked if I was gaining weight and I thought, if I could just be thinner then I would be attractive so I would run heavily for two weeks at a time, give up, eat a ton of junk food, feel bad, run again for two weeks and it was a constant cycle.

I would watch youtube videos with girls that looked thin (not on purpose, that’s just what they looked like) then I’d google how to get a flat stomach in 2 weeks.

I just wanted to be thin. I just wanted to be thin fast.

I went to a church camp, came back and I remember looking at myself in the mirror a few weeks after and not feeling that hate that I felt and that was probably the beginning of the end.

It took me a while to learn to exercise not for other people but for myself, and it wasn’t really until this year that I learnt to exercise for health rather than out of desperation.

There are still times when I look at myself when I was younger and feel upset because I was thinner then, there are still times when I binge out and then feel extremely guilty and frustrated at myself.

I’ve learned to appreciate myself through it all though and I’ve seen that growth in myself.  Last month I think, I put one of my old graduation dresses on and I couldn’t zip it up all the way, if that were me even just at the beginning of the year, that would have pushed me into despair, I would be upset and sad and disappointed.  This time, I was sad for a few minutes, I took off the dress and put it away and decided that if I wanted to fit in that dress again, I had to do it healthily through exercise and good food. It might not happen in a week or a month but through persistence and consistency.

I’m not gonna lie and say I’m no longer affected, if I’m being honest, gaining weight is still a big, big fear. Sometimes I catch myself not eating because I want to lose weight but I know now that, that does not help.

So what changed?

Me.

I changed.

I began to see exercise as something you did for yourself, I see the joy in working out. I’m gonna sound like a #GymLad right now but I feel so good after getting a good work out, to me working out is an easy way to achieve goals. If I tell myself I want to run on the threadmill for 20 minutes and my body surprises me and I run for 30 minutes, I feel proud, I feel happy, I dance around the gym (depending on how many people are there)

I actually enjoy eating healthy. I like the way I feel when I have a salad or when I exercise self control and cook instead of getting a takeaway.

It is something that takes a while especially if you’ve been made fun of as a kid for being fat, that’s the kind of thing that sticks to you but I think once you realize that  weight isn’t something that chains you down, you can lose it if you want to, sure it takes effort but you can do it.

Only when you learn to admire yourself, can you really begin to admire yourself in motion. It’s only when you appreciate your legs that you can really love how strong they feel when they’re running and you’ll learn to love the pain because it reminds you that you DID THAT.

Am I still gonna see pretty thin girls, or pretty curvy girls on my instagram and feel bad?

Yea, maybe a little but I’ll remind myself that my body is great too and so is everyone’s. It’s kept me moving this far, it’s taken you from point a to b for this long, there’s beauty in that.

It also helps that the maker of the heavens and earth loves and cherishes me the way I am 🙂

But yeah, this is part one. See you next week Wednesday for part two.

Have a blessed week,

Lots of love,

Gedo xx

Your Melting Makeup days are over!

Hey boos,

Hope your week is going super well? Mine has been pretty chill, not much happening, we thank God though.

So people have been asking me what makeup products I use because my makeup stays all day, it does not melt and I do not have to re-apply powder or anything. A disclaimer though is that I have good skin, my skin is neither oily nor dry so that’s also a factor that contributes to why my makeup does not melt.

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When I first came to Nigeria, I was really worried about what I would do in terms of makeup because if there is one thing that I am particular about, it’s the foundation I use on my face because I just feel like it’s going all over my face and I don’t want to put something that’ll mess up my skin.

My mom recommended Zaron products and I haven’t regretted it since.

Disclaimer: Please keep in mind that I am not a beauty guru, I am not a makeup expert, in fact the only reason I know the makeup terms I know is because I watch makeup tutorials and I don’t watch tutorials to learn how to do makeup, I just watch them because I think they are entertaining. Another disclaimer is, I’m doing this post so that my girls in Nigeria know what makeup products to use, the points raised in this post are quite generic and anybody who watches makeup tutorials will know them.

Now that that’s dealt with, on with the post.

So according to the website, Zaron cosmetics provides an assortment of cosmetic products carefully formulated to suit diverse women of colour living under different enviromental conditions (to learn more about Zaron)

1.Use a matte foundation.

  • I use the Zaron healthy glow liquid foundation with spf 30, it is a matte foundation and it’s great that it has sunscreen in it but I still apply sunscreen on my face before I apply my makeup. The foundation has pretty good coverage and it does actually kind of give you that glow it promises on the packet.  My problem with it is that it quickly gets oxidised, so something that was my shade in the store wasn’t my shade anymore after about a week.

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it might look like a small tube but the good thing about it is you really do not need much, I’ve been using that small tube for about a month or two and I’ve only used it half way (but then again we should probably keep in mind that I do not wear makeup frequently)

2.  Get a really good face powder 

  • For powder I use the Zaron maxi blend compact powder, and I love this stuff because it really sets and holds whatever makeup I put on so nothing melts, throughout the day. When I used to work at a store, we were required to stay outside to call in customers, I could put my makeup on from 2 pm till 9 pm and my makeup stayed nicely on my face without melting away. I used to use the Zaron mattifying powder before I started using this one and they both do the job. My only problem with this though is that it does make your makeup look a bit flat, you obviously lose the glow that the foundation gives you.

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3.  Use matte lipsticks 

  • If you’re for some reason afraid that your lipstick will just slide off during the day then I highly recommend matte lipsticks, but make sure you use moisturize your lips (lip balm or whatever it is that you use) before putting it on. Your worries are over!

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Hope you enjoyed this post,

Comment your all time favourite, go to makeup product. Tune in Friday, 4 pm for another blog post!

Have a blessed week,

Lots of love,

Gedo xx