The fleeting nature of time.

Hey boos,
How are you?
Look at me go, I’m on a roll this week. I’ve had all my posts ready before they were due but the question is, will my video be ready before Saturday? (ooft, I’m coming for myself)
So Yesterday, I was getting ready to go into town and as I was getting ready, the pictures that I have hanging on my dresser caught my eye. Now, I’ve had these pictures since 2016 and I’ve never really paid much attention to them but yesterday, they caught my eye and I felt an odd pin prickling feeling in my stomach. As I properly stared at these pictures and saw the smiling and laughing faces of many people that I don’t speak to today, I felt the residue of time passing and not realizing it.
It’s been 3 and 3/4 years since I graduated from high school and I’m already half way through my undergraduate degree. Time flies very quickly and it got me thinking, how many days have I spent not doing the things I should be doing, not appreciating the people I should be appreciating, not treasuring the memories I should be treasuring? If I were back in high school, as cringe as it sounds, I’d tell myself to make the absolute moment of every minute of every day because I’m never going to get that time again, I’m never going to get that environment again and I might never have those people again in the way that I had them then.
Time is just so silent, you never know when it’s going to leave you. One day you’re daydreaming about the life you wish you had and then your life continues to move and before you know it, you find that you spent it daydreaming and never actually living it.
I know this all seems very cheesy but I genuinely want us to realise that although you have the rest of your life,  life is going fast. Even the days that seem to go slow in the grand scheme of things are going extremely fast. I want you to think of a memory, maybe your first high school dance? or your graduation, any memory at all, doesn’t it feel like it was just yesterday? Now calculate how many years have passed since then, isn’t that such a large amount of time?
I always used to hear and read and watch influencers who’d been doing their craft for 7 years, 8 years, 5 years and I used to think “wow, that’s such a long amount of time to be doing something” but I’ve been on this blog for 3 years and it’s such a shock to me because it feels like I’ve just started but if my blog was a child, it’d be walking by now.
I’m not sure if this blog post is a warning that time is fleeting and we’ve got to realise this and cherish every day as often as we can, or an encouragement that if you’re going through a difficult time right now, it’s not going to last forever, even though it seems to be dragging on right now, it won’t be that way forever. Perhaps it’s the sign that you needed, perhaps you really want to start something that is beneficial to you, to the environment, to your community but you keep putting it off because you’re afraid. Stop. Go do it.
There’s a significant difference between not doing something because you’re not mentally/emotionally/physically/financially/spiritually ready**** and not doing something because you are afraid. Everyone’s afraid but you don’t see that stopping them from jumping in planes and preaching the gospel, now do you? Paul was afraid many times in the bible and HE was like THE man, he approached God with fear and trembling but he still went and did what needed to be done.
You have every day, even if you don’t treat it with value (some days just suck, you can’t do anything about it) , make sure you value it.
HAVE a BLESSED day.
Lots of love,
Gedo xx
*Now I feel like I need to say this because I don’t want people jumping into things that they certainly aren’t ready for. Time is going fast, yes that is true, does that mean jump into a business that you’re not ready for? no, it means enjoy this time you have right now getting ready for the business .Enjoy the process, it might not be always fun but it’s not all bad either, enjoy this time because you won’t get it again. Does that mean making a spontaneous decision to drop out of school and pursue your passions? No, not necessarily; having an education is important and you can learn a lot but I understand it’s different for everyone so that’s a decision you’ll have to think about, pray about, discuss with people who are close to you and want the best for you, pray some more  and then make.

April goals; Discipline, activity and hobbies.

Hey boos,

How are you?

I remember last year, I said I was going to start writing a few goals for myself on the blog and then re-visit them at the end of each month so we can all see how well I did, I never actually stuck to that idea but it’s the start of April and there’s no time like the present so let’s do this.

One of the things that I really want to pay attention to this month, is well, myself. I’m currently in the season where I am learning about myself and who I am in Christ and what my full capabilities are, God has watered me to be comfortable in myself but I think now he’s trying to teach me who that self is. So this month I’d like to focus on myself and discipline and one of my goals is to get better at removing emotion from my every day tasks.

Removing emotion from everyday tasks. 

To a lot of people, that might sound very odd but let me explain. I am a very emotion centred person, I focus on how things makes me feel rather than looking at the advantages and disadvantages of doing something and sometimes it helps; I mean, it’s helped me till this point, but at other times it really doesn’t. If I say I want to go to the gym or go to bed or eat healthy but I don’t feel like it, nine times out of ten, I won’t do it. My goal is to look at everyday tasks logically and not let my emotions, what feels good and what doesn’t feel good, decide whether I do the tasks I need to do or not.

Keeping my environment tidy.

I struggle with keeping my environment in order and that stems again from my previous point, if I don’t feel like tidying my room, I just won’t do it and that often leads to me doing a lot more deep cleans than necessary. This month I’d like to focus on keeping my environment tidy, putting things away right after use, if I see something that needs cleaning, cleaning it right away instead of letting it pile up. 

Seeing my blog and youtube as a job rather than as a hobby. 

This again might cause people to be like huh? why would you want to do that? Well again, my first point, if I don’t feel like writing on my blog or filming a video, because in my head, it’s just something I do for fun, I won’t do it. I don’t create content as often as I should or as often as I could, however if I start seeing my blog and youtube as a job, as something I have to do, it will encourage me to get consistent and work better. 

Be on my feet more. 

I want to encourage myself to be more active, walking when I can instead of taking the bus, being outdoors more and enjoying the nature and the fantastic body and ability that God has given me. The thing about me is, I actually do really enjoy being active, I love jogs and I love walking, I’m sure I’d love hiking, I enjoy moving around and doing things but I’ve never been disciplined with myself enough to explore that part of me, so I’d like to see where I can go this month with that. 

I don’t encourage anyone to copy these goals or way of thinking if it does not benefit them. For example if you are a person that value work over their life and never takes a break then I would never want you to see your hobby as your job as that would suck away the fun right out of it for you. I challenge you to think about who you are and set goals that will excite you and challenge you and help you discover more about yourself than you ever knew.

We’ll catch up again at the end of the month.

Have a blessed day,

Lots of love,

Gedo xx

Over weight: the food bit

Disclaimer: This post contains themes of like skipping meals, and the unhealthy desire to be skinny. I am not saying that being skinny is wrong, I am say the way I went about it IS. 

Hey boos,

How are you?

So I know this post is very late but listen, but here it is! If you’re a bit confused, the first part is here.

In the last episode, I talked about my story and gave a general overview of where it all began. Today, I’m going to speak about my relationship with food.

I don’t think, until now, I’ve ever had a good relationship with food, I used to see it as something that made me gain weight so on the days I went without it or ate little of it, I felt happy. I used to feel a certain novelty in being able to say I skipped breakfast or I hadn’t eaten lunch. I’m skipping ahead though, let’s start from the very beginning.

When I was very little, my parents told me that it used to be a struggle to feed me because I was very picky with what I ate (I don’t remember this) however that changed and I loved food, but not regular food, unhealthy food. I started eating a lot, and then I started eating, not because I was hungry, but because I was bored and I would eat big portions so obviously I was going to gain weight and I did (I remember this).

I wasn’t obese or anything but I was chubby and visibly bigger than all of my friends, well not friends, I didn’t have many friends in primary school (lol). Most of my female peers were slimmer than I was so that obviously didn’t really help my self-esteem. It also didn’t help that the popular girls in movies and TV were usually skinny and pretty with long hair and I wanted to be popular, so you can imagine I wasn’t exactly pleased with my chubby nature. I wanted to be skinny but I don’t remember ever actually doing anything to actively get me there.

The skipping meals didn’t start until boarding school, at the time I didn’t skip them because I wanted to lose weight, I just skipped it because I didn’t like the food they served so I lost a lot of weight, I lost so much weight. I wish I had a picture but I only have one picture from back then and I don’t even know where that picture is but I was so skinny then (I looked sick, it doesn’t look like me at all) and what is funny now that I think about it, I didn’t know I was skinny, I still thought I was chubby.

I don’t remember when I actively started skipping meals to lose weight, I think somewhere between The Netherlands and Scotland. I would skip meals and try to eat smaller portions and then binge on unhealthy food and feel guilty, it was just that never ending cycle. I didn’t see food as something that nourished my body or helped me grow, I never really saw it as a positive thing. I thought “healthy” meant “few” so the less calories I ate, the better.

This bring us to the beginning of last year when I started hanging out more with my friends, the thing about living with people is you get to see their life habits, habits like what they eat and in my case how much they eat. It made me extremely self conscious when my friends would eat half their meal and say they were full when there was me who was still hungry after eating the whole thing. This, interestingly enough, had never been a problem for me so I had no idea how to deal with it. What did I do? I tried to cut down on my eating which as you can imagine just left me hungry and wanting to snack on just about anything and everything, so now not only was I not eating enough nutrients for me, I was also filling the gap with a lot of snacks. I eventually realised that everyone has different needs and everyone has different food habits, that does not necessarily mean that mine are bad. What is good for the goose does not always have to be good for the gander.

My relationship with food is a lot better than it used to be, I try to eat when I am hungry and I try to eat enough to fill me. I try my best to watch what I eat and make healthy alternatives instead of just cutting it out of my diet completely. I try not to beat myself up when I binge on unhealthy food because I know now that this is a process and Rome wasn’t built in a day.

I’m doing these series just in case there might be anyone who could be going through their own health process right now and I would like for them to know that they are not alone and that this is a journey, everyday will not go exactly as you plan it and you need to learn to forgive yourself and let go.

I hope you enjoyed this and I’ll see you next week.

Have a blessed day,

Lots of love,

Gedo xx

How to achieve/set goals in 2019

Hey boos,

Yay! Here we are in 2019, Happy new year! We all made it and I am proud of every single one of us, glad we all made it safe. I’d like to say a special welcome to all those that joined us in 2018, I’m glad you’re here and I’m excited to see where we will all go this year!

Today, the first Wednesday of the year, I would like to give you 5 helpful tips on how you can set and achieve your goals in 2019!

Let’s get right into it.

1. Be diligent

I don’t think a lot of people pay a lot of care when they make their goals, I think they just think of things they would like and then write that down.

People sometimes write their goals without any intention of actually following through with them so they don’t spend a lot of time properly thinking about what they actually want to achieve.

My tip is to take time and think about what you want to achieve, what do you actually really want to achieve? is it realistic? is it a continuous goal or is something you can complete during the course of this year? What aspects of your life do you want to see change? How many aspects of your life would you like to work on this year compared to last year? How do you intend on carrying out these goals?

2. Less is more.

The few goals you have, the more diligently you can work on them. Think about all the aspects in your life you would like to work on and have a few goals for each. For example, I have categorised my goals in 6 sections, faith, health, appearance, inner self, business and academic and in each section I have an average of 2 goals (apart from my faith goals where I have 4).  This way when I look at my goals, I don’t feel overwhelmed and having few gives me the ability to make in depth plans on how to achieve them.

3. Be Measurable.

Let your goals be measurable, because this way at the end of the year when you look back to see how you did, you can have tangible results. For example, under my business goals, I have the goal to reach 500 followers on my blog and this is measurable because at the end of the year, I can look at my blog followers and see how well I did. Under academics, for another example, I have the goal to study an hour everyday separate to the time I spend doing coursework. This is different from saying “at the end of the year, I want to study more” because I could study for one second more and call that an achievement and it’s also not very accountable because at any given day I could study for 5 minutes and tell myself I’m accomplishing my goal but 5 minutes won’t really make any difference (to me personally) in what I’ve learnt.

4. Put your goals everywhere.

Put your goals everywhere and I mean it, everywhere. It’s very easy to forget things in the world we live in, there is so much information floating around catching our attention that we forget things so easily. It’s very easy to write the goals and then put them in a journal that you’re never going to open until the end of the year. Write these goals and put them in places you look at often (your mirrors, your refrigerator, maybe as your wallpaper on your phone, at your desk) put it everywhere and even if you do get desensitised to it and you dont notice yourself reading it, it is still in your brain subconsciously.

5. Switch up the wording. 

If you are moving some of your goals from last year into this year, I would suggest that you change the wording or add something to it to make it interesting and new. You don’t want to start of the year bored of your goals is essentially what I am trying to say.

If your goal for the last ten years has been to lose tummy fat, switch up the words, you could for example do your research as to what types of food  increases fat building around your stomach and set yourself a challenge to stay away from those foods.(I am not saying that you should quit eating bread or dairy or whatever it is, as I’m not a dietitian I can’t make those claims), what I am saying is, do your research and set a challenge for yourself. You might not quit anything but instead decide to do a workout catered to abs and weight loss a certain amount of times per week, I don’t know, that’s at your discretion.

Those are my tips for goals and I hope that this really helps everyone achieve their goals this year! Let me know what some of your goals are and how you plan on achieving them. Don’t forget to like, comment and follow and come back next week Wednesday for another post!

Have a blessed day,

Lots of love,

Gedo xx

You’re doing great.

Hey boos,

I haven’t done this in a while and it almost feels foreign, which is kind of sad. The days fly by so fast and before you know it, it’s 3 am a week before your semester exams and you’re half way through second year? It’s all a bit mad.

First, a quick update.

I don’t really know what to say, I guess I’m still transitioning into myself and that’s fine. I definitely do see growth in the way I act and in the way I respond to things,  there aren’t massive changes but I know they are steps in the right direction. Rome wasn’t built in a day and even though my slow pace can be frustrating at times, I know I will get to where I need to get to eventually.

I also had dinner with my friends last week, where I attempted to make Nigerian food and we spoke about Christianity and it was good, I think good chats came out of it but we’ll leave the rest in the hands of God.

I have exams literally next week, next week Tuesday. Don’t start.

Anyway, I’ve been noticing that as December is approaching, people seem to be burning out. I’ve heard a lot of complaints about tiredness and overthinking and going through it. Personally, I think it’s the year coming to an end and exams and everything seems to be taking its toll.

I was watching a video and at the end of it, the person says “You’re doing great” and I honestly almost started crying and I instantaneously felt better, it was then that I realised no one really says that anymore. When was the last time you told someone that they were doing great? When was the last time someone told you, you were doing great?

I think, as people, we’ve become so good at acting and so good at deciding for others. We’ve become so good at acting because we go on pretending as if everything is okay and as if we are perfectly perfect when we aren’t so no one ever thinks to give us any sort of reassurance. We’ve become so good at deciding for other people in that, we see someone and we instantly think they do not want or need reassurance.

I’m here to tell you that I am so proud of you.

Yea, you.

You’ve come so far from when you first began and I see it even when you don’t and I am so so proud of you for that.

I love watching the person you’re becoming, and even though you are tired and feeling a bit or very burned out and everything just seems like noise.

You are so loved and so appreciated and so well looked upon by your friends and family and you might be feeling lonely right now, but listen to me,  you aren’t. Trust me you are not. You have your friends and you have your family and you have me, always!

You may be feeling like you’re not beautiful or you are not attractive or smart or nobody loves you, but listen to me, you are beautiful.

You are beautiful and okay so maybe I don’t know what you look like but do you know what I know? I know that you’re beautiful in your soul, in your heart, in the thing that keeps you alive, you are beautiful there. You may not be able to see it, but the people around you do.

Maybe you’re not in a relationship and everyone around you is, so you feel like you’re not good enough, but you are. You don’t want to be with just anybody, you want to be with someone who loves you, every single bit of you, not just you when you look attractive but also you at 6 am in the morning when you haven’t taken a shower in 3 days (please take a shower) and don’t know what you’re doing with your life and you’re not going to find that in just anybody, it takes time. You take time. You are so worth that time.

You might not feel smart because everyone around you seems to be getting better grades than you, even though you try your hardest and you’re just tired. Listen, you are smart and maybe it takes you a little bit more effort than everyone else, that doesn’t make you stupid. You are smart and it’s okay if you’re smart in a different way, that’s still smart.

Please stop hating yourself.

You don’t deserve that.

Get to know yourself more, become friends with you. Do you even know what you like? what are your hobbies? what’s your favourite colour?

Get to know you, I’m sure you’ll surprise yourself.

Like I said Rome wasn’t built in a day, no good relationship just happens like that. A relationship with you is just like any other relationship, it needs time and nurturing. Become acquaintances first, talk about the weather and all that boring stuff then hang out with yourself, take yourself to see a movie, take a walk, talk to yourself.

You’re doing so well, my love. Be proud of yourself.

tldr: You’re doing great.

You’re doing so, so well.

Recommended song to listen with post: It is well (live) by Kirsten Dimarco, Bethel Music

Greater things by Mack Brock

 

August recap: Break, University, Self-reinvention

Hey boos,

It’s ya girl next door, how are you? (My flatmates are currently getting ready to go out and I can hear them discussing outfits, s/o to you sisters)

So it’s been very quiet on my end lately, both social media, youtube and blogging wise that’s because I have in fact moved back into University for my second year and I am currently juggling 2 jobs, education, social life and good life habits and let me tell you something it is not easy. I like it though I feel like now I have less time for idleness.

Anyway, my August recap, I feel like August was a really good month for me, I drew closer to God and was able to stick to the tasks I wanted to stick to. It’s hard to believe that summer is over though, a bit mad isn’t it?

I have decided that I am going to re-invent myself to become a better woman and to be have and portray myself in the way that God wants me to be and it’s a lot easier said than done especially at University when there is so much going on all at one time, you’re working and you’re making sure you’re eating right and seeing your friends and deadlines but I am really going to try my best to be the best I can be.

I think I might start doing something like a goal of the month where I set one goal for different categories in my life and blog about it to let you know how it goes.

How would you guys feel about that?

I’ve also been thinking about my purpose, and I think I might know what it is finally. Funnily enough, it was written in one of my old agendas and I read it and remembering thinking wow, 12 year old me had such a strong sense of purpose, because I wrote it down so well and beautifully that I feel like it couldn’t have been me that thought of it.

I will write about it when God has given me 100% confirmation but I feel as though that is what it is.

I am going to sign out now because I need to write out a grocery list for this weekend as well as meal prep ideas, then I need to read and write out some notes, respond to some emails AND come up with a schedule so that my days are as productive but spaced out as possible. The whole point is so to be productive, not burnt out.

Thank you for reading and let me know what your goals are for the month of September.

Have a blessed day,

Lots of love,

Gedo xx

 

I WALKED 20 KM

Hey boos!

How are you all doing? I feel like it’s been a while since I last talked to you, the last upload was an updates blog and I said I would start posting on Mondays and Fridays, that’s starting this week, my creative juices are flowing (it might just be the glass of shloer sat next to me) and I have some great ideas for blogs so keep your eyes peeled.

Anyway, yes, I’m sure you’re wondering….20 km? what? is this clickbait? what are you doing Gedo? I can assure you, this is not clickbait and I did walk 20 km, let’s talk.

What did I do?

I walked 20 km, I left the house at about 6:20 am and returned at about 10 am.

Why did I do it?

I watched a video once on facebook, it was about a girl and she was crying and praying for  the people on the outside world to come to their aid and it really hit me how people like her were suffering, praying that people in other parts of the world would help her whilst I was sitting on my screen doing nothing. I imagined myself in her position and the thought plagued me for a while but I forgot about it under the guise of “I’m thinking about what to do”. Summer came around and the thought crept back, I kept trying to push it away telling myself there was nothing I could do. About a month ago, I finally got up and told myself I was going to do something, I had to do something. So I did.

How did I do it?

I thought about all the things I could possibly do to fundraise and eventually picked walking because I remembered walking 11 km back when I was in middle school to raise money for children (everyone in my class had to do it). I figured since I had already done 11 km, I would 1 up myself and do 20.

I googled how long it would take to walk it and went back and forth before deciding on 20 km. When that had been decided, I downloaded the “map my run” app on my phone and began practicing. Some days I walked 5 km, some days I did 10 km and one time, the week before the day of the walk, I did 12 km.

How did I feel?

I felt very nervous a week before it, I was dreading it a little bit because I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to complete it or that something would go terribly wrong. Not to mention, the night before the day of the walk, I had terrible leg pains on both my legs but I was determined not to let it stop me. I prayed to God to heal my legs, I swallowed 2 ibuprofen tablets and went back to bed and when I woke up 3 hours later, my legs felt as good as new.

How did I feel on the walk?

At first it wasn’t too bad, I bought new running shoes the previous day and they caused my feet to hurt but I was determined not to let that hinder me. After the first 10 km, I  really started to feel it, at 15 km I wanted to cry and was regretting everything. At 18 km, I was limping and singing worship songs because that gave me the energy I needed and distracted me from the fact that I just wanted everything to end. at 20 km, I couldn’t believe I had done it and praised God for everything.

How did I feel after the walk?

I had been praying before the walk that I would feel NO pain in my legs afterwards and I didn’t feel any pain in my legs so God answered my prayers BUT I had chafed badly as you can imagine AND because of my shoes, the heels of my feet as well as the bottom of my toes hurt but I was just glad that I had accomplished it, I said I was going to do something and followed through and did it!

How much did I fundraise?

I fundraised 200 pounds, with the help of my family, my friends and my family’s friends! The link is here if you’re interested in donating.

Would I do it again?

Yes! I plan to some time in the future.

So what now?

RECOVERY SIS RECOVERY!

 

Thank you to everyone who helped with this, whether it was donating money, sharing it with their friends and family or even just educating themselves more on what was happening in Syria. I also want to thank God because he really helped me on this journey more than people will ever know. I also recorded my entire experience, I’m about to edit it so when the video goes live I will place the link here so you can watch it if you want.

Thanks for reading!

Leave a comment if you like.

Have a blessed weekend,

Lots of love,

Gedo xx

The importance of a 100

Hey boos!

It’s finally happened! I am so excited and so happy, I’ve finally hit a 100 (+1) followers on my blog! For a lot of people it might not seem like a big accomplishment but I am very happy about it because it’s quite important to me, let me explain.

I started blogging when I was 12 years old, I got inspired by icarly and wanted a platform of my own. Since then it had just been a cycle, I’d start a blog, stop writing in it after a couple months and start another one. I’ve probably had 6 blogs before this one and none of them lasted very long, instead of focusing on what I had and growing it, I kept looking for something better. I actually started this blog because I was feeling depressed and needed some kind of creative outlet to let off steam and basically talk about people behind their backs (lol).

Having 100 followers to me means finally being able to decide on a goal, stick to it no matter how long it takes and actually accomplishing it. Having a 100 followers is almost to me, like a testament to my growth. I am no longer that girl who saw hard work and ran, who instead of working on her garden would look for one that was already made.

It’s taken me a long time to decide what my niche is; when I started this blog, I took the form of a fashion and style blogger but I soon realised that that really wasn’t for me, that’s not the kind of thing I want to post about. So here I am, 100 (and 1) followers later and carving a niche for myself and honestly I’m happy with it and  I thank God.

I geniunely believe that now I’m at this point, it can really only go up from here and it will so ride on 1000, I’m coming for you!

To celebrate, I’ve included some clip ons I’ve written from years ago, enjoy! (the first two are from 2012 and the second from 2015, oh dear)

Captureoldpostsoldpic2

(Be prepared for some changes coming to this blog, huehue)

Have a blessed week,

Lots of love,

Gedo xx

Dispensable and Dispense-ABLE

Hey boos,

How are you all doing??

I know, I know, I know, and like the prodigal son I return but I promise you I haven’t been spending your money on girls and gambling and alcohol (atleast I don’t think I have), it’s just that when you slip off the rock, even just a little, you become too lazy to climb it again, that has been what has been happening to me, even with my youtube I’ve been slipping a little but it has given me some time to think.

I’ve been thinking about friendships and how it works and I’ve come to realise how strong yet inherently weak a connection can be, hear me out. At the end of the day, you are dispensable and dispense-able.

This is primarily for the people who are currently in a toxic relationship or have currently been broken up with and feel like they can’t move on or like they will never be able to find a connection like the one they just lost/about to lose.

Listen babe, there are 7 billion people in the world, you could speak to thousands of people every single day and still not speak to everyone in the world. There will always be someone else who can give you the same connection, maybe even better, it’s just down to you finding each other, say you don’t want to leave because you’ve known each other for years, you will find someone else who can give you that time back. When you think about relationships from that perspective, it leaves you with a sense of ambivalence, you’re happy because it means that you can leave that toxic relationship with the knowledge that there is something out there better for you however it leaves a sense of sadness and dread because it means that you are dispensable.

I think the reason why a lot of people find it hard letting go is because they focus on the other person, they make that person their world and forget that there is a whole world out there and that’s a good thing when the relationship is a stable and healthy but once it turns toxic it seems as though we are stuck in that mindset, completely stuck in their world, it’s in those times that we need to broaden our scope and remember that there is a whole world out there, we just need to look up and see it.

I have a lot in the works guys and I’m really going to try and conquer my self-sabotaging self (something else I’m going to talk about) so I can feel get myself where I should be.

Thank you for reading.

Have a blessed weekend,

Lots of love,

Gedo xx

 

growing pains

Hey boos,

Yes I’m back to the “hey boos” that is something I can NEVER get rid of, that’s my thing now. How has your day been going? Mine has been going pretty well, I got up really early today, 6 AM to be exact and I haven’t taken a nap yet even though I’m really tired.

Anyway enough about me (funny cause all I’m going to do for the rest of this blog is talk about…well..me..) I’ve decided to do something quite scary but at the same time really exciting this summer, I’m going to churn out content every day for a month this summer, well churn out content every day for the whole summer but I’m telling myself a month because that’s easier for my brain to comprehend. I really hope I do this and don’t just give up after 3 days, so make sure you come back to this place everyday for content!

Today I’m going to be discussing something that I’ve really been noticing about myself this year and that’s the feeling of change, I can feel myself slowly changing and I can’t lie it’s a bit of an uncomfortable feeling because it’s not something that can be easily explained. I can feel myself changing, I can feel my thoughts little by little, I am very very slowly becoming the type of person I want to be.

I can feel my thoughts changing extremely slowly from wanting popularity and wanting every single person to love me and want to be my friend to wanting success in my future, to wanting my children to have the best in life. I realize that the things that used to make me very upset, still make me upset but just not as much as it usually would. Let me give you an example, in my psychology class I can confidently say I have NO friends, I come into class, I sit alone, I take my notes, close my laptop and leave and younger me would have hated it, younger me would have tried to force people to make friends with but now I actually prefer not knowing anyone, I love walking into class without feeling the pressure of “oh I don’t really feel like talking to anyone today but I don’t want to be rude..” When I first got into University, the fact that I didn’t have any friends in my psychology class really bothered me but now I just do not care. I also don’t really mind that much when people don’t invite me to things, I mean it still stings a little but I don’t dwell on it like I would have when I was younger.

I find myself being attracted to and being drawn to people that are successful and are dedicated in helping other people succeed, I just keep finding myself attracting stuff like that even when I try to avoid it because 1. Self-help books bore me and 2. Watching people who are more successful than me makes me feel like I’m not, yet it just seems to attract me whether through a video format or an Instagram ad or just something.

I feel like there is something great stirring inside but I’m not sure what it is or how to wake it up properly.

I’ve been thinking a lot about my accomplishments and how I don’t really have that much (heheh) but that is going to change soon, and how I want to make my parents proud and make all the sacrifices they’ve made worth it, I want them to be able to say with full confidence that it was all worth it in the end.

I also find myself becoming more aware when it comes to achieving goals, I’m no longer just writing out resolutions for the new year and never looking at them again, I’m actually trying this time, researching, failing but getting back up again and not giving up. An example of this would be that I’ve always wanted to be someone who was organized and woke up early in the morning and had money and ate well and had a good relationship with God, day by day I’m getting more aware about what I eat, I’m trying to read more books about God, I’m setting alarms and looking at my goals and just actually trying this time.

I suppose it’s all just to do with maturing and growing, I just never knew that you could be aware of the maturing process.

But that’s just my opinion.

Let me know if you feel like this, if you’re at this point where you can feel yourself growing and what does it feel like to you?

Have a blessed day,

Lots of love,

Gedo xx