“Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. Don’t you realise that your body is the temple of the Holy spirit who lives in you and was given to you by God, You do not belong to yourself” 1 Cor 6: 18-19 (Girls life application study bible version) *
How has your week been? How was Easter, mine was pretty chilled and laid back. On Sunday I went to church, the service was really good, I actually cried. The rest of my week is just going to be work, even Saturday and Sunday but it’s okay man must grind for what man wants.
So we all know, at this point what sex is and if you don’t know what sex is, stay that way, it wont be too long now before the world strips you off your innocence. (Lowkey it is important to learn about it biologically so maybe wait for sex ed or a biology class or something).
Sex is a topic that has really intrigued the human race, it’s the type of thing you will find pretty much everywhere, in music, television,etc, it’s pretty much become normal (unfortunately).
Don’t get me wrong, sex is great but God gave us an inch and we took 5 miles. We will get to why in a bit but I want to talk about something else, in Nigeria they call it “gives” which is just another word for foreplay or hooking up.
A lot of youth like to fool themselves and think oh this isn’t sex so this is fine.
No baby no, it is not fine, let me tell you something. Foreplay is defined as sexual activity that precedes sexual intercourse. Foreplay and masturbation are both not okay because they prepare your body for sexual intercourse. As Christians, it is very important to understand that the actions we take have serious spiritual consequences, especially us young Christians. By subjecting yourself to foreplay, physically you are opening yourself to unnecessary stress because when you partake in foreplay and you get used to it, you start getting “needs” and urges that unless you do something about, can start affecting your mind, your emotions and your concentration which can then leak into things like your education and your relationships. Not to mention, it can put you in very compromising situations, say your partner does not have the same level of self control as you and then begins to pressure you to have sex or worst of all, has sex with you without your consent (rape).
Spiritually, let’s say you used to “give” in your past and you give your life to Christ in order to take your relationship with God to the next level and God forgives you, don’t you think that these thoughts and these urges will persist or do you think oh because you asked God for forgiveness, everything will be perfect. I like to give the example of a person who has committed murder, although the person has asked God for forgiveness (let’s call this person Jane) and mercy and he has forgiven Jane and Jane’s place in heaven is secure, Jane is still going to go to prison. God will help Jane whilst she is in prison by giving her the strength to go on, he’ll make the wardens like her so things might be easier for her but she will still go to prison. This scenario is similar to sexual sin, although you ask God for forgiveness and God forgives you. Those sexual thoughts will still be there and the urges will still be there and they will be very strong and you will struggle, you will struggle so hard to overcome it, you will feel so much guilt every time and even though you don’t want to have the thoughts you are having, you will still have them. This is because the devil doesn’t want you out of the trap that he has placed you in so he makes you feel like you can never come out of it and if that doesn’t work he will try to make you feel guilty and miserable so that you wont be happy with the decision you have made.
Slowly with the grace and the strength of God you will overcome the urges and the thoughts and the guilt but even then, sometimes you might get them again and it will scare you because you’d think you’re over it. Whenever this happens, just know that the devil is trying to tempt you, he is trying to lure you back into your trap, he thinks that if he has succeeded before then he can succeed again but again with the grace and strength of God you will overcome.
You will always overcome the devil and his tricks with God but the road is long, painful and difficult, the pleasure you think you are having is certainly not worth the long and painful struggle.
Pornography, “gives”, hooking up, masturbation, it can completely destroy your mind. Your brain doesn’t forget, especially what your eyes see. So even if you’ve seen something for 10 seconds, the image will be stored in your brain to be replayed at the most inconvenient of times, at church, at school, wherever and whenever.
So no, gives and hooking up and masturbating and pornography just because it’s not actually sex or it’s not you that’s having the sex or you’re not having it with someone, still has an effect on you and not a good one.
Now here are the reasons why sex before marriage is not a good idea, I am going to do it in list for so neither you nor I get lost in the stew.
- Some of the people that are having sex before marriage are not mature enough to handle it, how can you be having sex but you can’t even say the word vagina or penis or even the word sex?
2. Having pre-marital sex can cause issues for your marriage sex.
Let me tell you how, say you’ve been having oral pre-marital sex, the girl you have proposed to says she is celibate you say okay, you guys get married and you like oral sex, you have experienced oral sex you know what it feels like and you really like it but she doesn’t want to even think about giving it a go. That’s the beginning of trouble because then you’re going to say she is not satisfying you so you might begin to look elsewhere and that’s the beginning of the end of your marriage, something that you could have avoided just by doing what you were supposed to do and waiting till marriage.
3. Urges and needs that you really don’t need to be thinking about.
Being youth is already hard enough, being Christian isn’t always going to be easy so why would you add more weight on your back? Think about it really, all the time you spent trying to get that girl to have sex with you or grooming yourself for the encounter, all the times that you have had sex which only gave you a short amount of pleasure, imagine if you had spent that time on something useful or something that you were actually passionate about, think about were you would be right now. You already have to stress about school, about your parents, your friends, now you also have to think about the next time you’re going to get “gives” or how to hide whatever it is you’re doing from people like your parents, it’s just too much.
4. Jesus gave his life for that body, God gave up his son for that body and now you’re just going to give it away to someone else, just like that?
In 1 Corinthians 6 MSG it says “for God bought you with a high price(sending his son, Jesus Christ down to earth to die for our sins) you must honor God with your body”
Imagine if you worked so hard for something, maybe a birthday present for your mom, you worked so hard for 3 years to get that present and then she just gave it away to someone else with no remorse at all or maybe the flimsy excuse of “oh I really felt a connection with the person” or “I just wanted to know what it feels like” or even “all my friends were doing it”, would you not feel absolutely terrible and just very angry, so imagine what God feels like. God gave up his son, Jesus gave up his life for you and your body and you just want to give it away like that? I know a lot of people like to say oh well I feel a strong connection with the person and we have been together for a long time so we thought why wait? But let me counter that, if you know you’re going to end up with the person at the end of the day and you feel the connection, why not wait and just know that when you finally get to have sex it will be worth it because it’s with someone you love, someone who has promised to stick with you and someone who you’re going to share your life with. You’re going to have sex eventually, you might as well just wait till you find the person you really and truly love (God’s kind of true love though not the human type of true love, check out 1 corinthians 4 to know what I mean)
5. You will find that people who partake in casual sex often feel lonely and bleak after the sex is over, God knew what he was doing when he was telling us what to do, you just need to take the time to understand it.
6. You could potentially get STDS.
If someone came up to you and gave you a cookie and said oh, have this cookie but if you eat this you may or may not suffer severe diarrhea for a couple of days or death, your call. Think about it carefully, would you still eat the cookie? You know you would just smile and say thank you and dump it in the nearest bin because aint nobody got time for sitting in the toilet for hours because of one cookie that I could probably make myself. So why are you willing to do something that similar for sex?
People like to say well the reason for a lot of underaged/undercooked marriages is because the couple want to have sex and then the marriage doesn’t even end up working because they jumped into it
What I have to say to that is, if the main reason you want to get married is because you want to have sex then you need to analyse the relationship and analyse yourself first because that says a lot more about you than it does about the boundary.
Personally I like to think that when you love someone and you really want to be with them, sex wont or shouldnt be that big of a deal because there is more to your relationship than sex, it is so much easier to be in a sex-less or give-less relationship when you have not experienced either. It is so much harder for a person who has experienced gives or sex to be in a relationship with someone who hasn’t because the person with experience will feel and express urges that the experience-less person cannot understand and that can cause issues in the relationship.
So straight up, I think sex before marriage is bad, I think gives are bad, I think pornography and masturbation are bad and should be avoided.
I just wanted to talk about this because I feel like it could be difficult for a budding christian to understand because you will find Christians who say they are Christians but comfortably have sex before marriage and don’t think there is anything wrong about it when it is. Not just only sex but “gives” as well or anything of that nature.
I hope this shed more light to any confusion.
Here are some bible verses* to show that fornication (sexual intercourse between two people who are not married) is not actually acceptable.
“When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear. Sexual immortality, impurity, lustful pleasures, idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, bursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, envy, drunkenness, wild parties and other sins like these. Let me tell you again as I have said before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the kingdom of God”
1 Thessalonians 4:3-5
“God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from ALL sexual sin. Then each of you will control his own body and live in holiness and honor- not in lustful passion like the pagans who do not know God and his ways”
If you have fallen into the trap (pretty much) that is sex before marriage and all activities pertaining to it and you are guilty and you see it is definitely affecting your life negatively and you dont know how to stop, definitely talk to God first, ask for his forgiviness and ask for his strength to help you go forth with this journey and then as crazy as this might sound, make sure you tell somebody else preferably an authoritative figure that can help you like your parents, mentor, aunt, youth pastor, whoever.
Have a blessed week,
Lots of love,
*That is my bible, all the bible quotes on this post are from my bible.
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