Cupid’s laboratory 2

Dont forget to check out Cupid’s lab 1 here Cupid’s laboratory

Again, I can’t figure out the spacing, I’m sorry. 

“Oh wait, you do think it’s real, oh gosh, it feels like telling a kid santa isn’t real but very well, if I must. I’m sorry Rebecca but free will isn’t actually real, it was just made by higher-ups so that the working class feel like they actually get to choose how they run their life, you get people to serve you for longer and harder if you get them to believe that that is what they want, that that is what they chose. Okay, think about your job, the reason you go there every morning is because you believe you can quit whenever you want, the thought of you quitting and everyone caring fuels you on, but you know you won’t quit, you know you can’t, you need the money, you don’t actually want to be there.”

 

“That still doesn’t answer my other questions, you’re stalking and drugging people without their permission or knowledge!” Rebecca cried

 

“I like that you’re empathetic, it’s very important for this job. Darling, everyone knows what we do, we don’t exactly try to hide it, you yourself said you heard about us but you didn’t believe it but that’s not our fault now is it? Everyone knows, they’ve given permission, when you sign up to social media, you click on agree and what does it say in the contract? Your information will be saved and could be passed on to other companies, that’s us, when you sign contracts the fine print about where your data is going, that’s us. Now have I answered your questions? If you’d listen I’d like to make you an offer.”

 

She looked at her watch and grinned.

 

“Oh look!” she said flashing her watch in her face “One of our friends is about to tell their significant other they love them for the first time! Right on time, according to our calculations too. We just keep getting better and better.” she grinned. We stared at the watch she was showing us, in the same blue electric colour as the pills, several numbers and codes flashed on its screen.

 

“How do you know what all these numbers and codes mean?” I asked

 

“Well, I’ve been training for my position since I’ve been about five years old, this role is more of a family role you see? My dad had it and then my grandad and my great grandad, I’m actually the first woman to take up my position and not to toot my own horn or anything but I think I’ve run it better than any of them ever could.”

 

“Now I’ve got something very exciting to offer you, I want to offer you a position here, to work with me, to work with us! I know that you girls are currently the best in your individual fields and the DHCR want nothing but the best, come with me I’ll show you the deparments you’ll be working at, all state of the art technology, Rebecca I know you’re an avid fan of that.”  She said as she walked us back to the elevator.

 

“We’ll train you, we’ll pay you, we’ll take care of you, this job, I won’t lie is a very demanding job so we like to take care of our workers, we’ve got in-house therapists, in-house pets that live with us, we have work parties, work vacations where we travel out to the place of our employee of the month’s picking but because I really like you girls, I’ll let you pick just this once” she winked.

 

“This..” she said walking us through another glass door “is one of our very many labs” Rebecca and I stared in awe.

 

“Take a picture ladies, it’ll last longer. Good morning Cassandra”

 

“Chris, what did I tell you about bullying your co-workers?” Chris was an attractive guy, he too had dark hair that contrasted with his pristine labcoat and electrifying blue eyes that seemed to make with the machinery around him.

 

“This is Chris, my younger brother, he is the manages all of our biology labs” Rebecca and I looked at each other once more.

He can manage me.

 

“Nice to meet you ladies.” He said, giving us both firm hand shakes.

 

“This is Rebecca and this is Rachel, hopefully our newest recruits.” Rebecca snorted and I jabbed her gently in the spine.

 

“How long have you been working here?”

 

“Mh, about 5 years now? Some of us weren’t as lucky as Cassandra here who’s got to work here for how many years now? The entirety of her life?”

 

“I wouldn’t have it any other way, thank you very much. Shall we finish the tour?”

 

..

“So I would really love it if you came to work for us.” Cassandra said as we stood in front of the exit, I looked at Rebecca who was silent, probably contemplating what a shit show the place was.

 

“Yes, thank you so much for taking the time to show us around. This place is an amazing show of science and technology, it’s an honour that you want us to work for this organisation.”

 

“Amazing! Well we’ll keep in touch! Adios, see you soon!” she said and just like that, we were back to the fresh yet gloomy Edinburgh air. We walked to the train station in silent, each contemplating what we’d seen and heard.

 

“Can we get a drink before we go home?” Rebecca asked and I nodded, we walked to Rebecca’s favourite place in the world, Weatherspoon’s.

 

“What an absolute shit show.” Rebecca said as we sat down. “Can you believe that they are essentially drugging people into love? Drugging Rachel! Drugging! We need to do something, tell the police.”

 

“Don’t be so stupid Rebecca, you heard what she said, it’s not what like what they do is exactly a secret, you heard about it you just didn’t believe it and who’s not to say that they aren’t already working with the police? And what would you say? Hey y’all these guys are essentially making humanity better again and helping people find love and happiness, please arrest them. Don’t you think the police would ask why would say that? Then you’d have to say you went there and they told you about M and S and THEN you’d be breaking confidentiality and GET in trouble.”

 

“Surely you can’t actually see what they’re doing as good? Can you?”

 

“I don’t know Rebecca, so far it seems to me like they aren’t doing anything particularly wrong, they’re helping people obtain true and long lasting happiness, they’re helping people with toxic traits and live better lives. Isn’t that better than the tobacco industry or the fast food industry, I mean for the first time, human beings are actually benefitting and not being the butt of the joke.”

 

“Okay but did you see them literally press drugs into Sara and Mark’s bodies? Explain that!”

 

“Fair enough, I don’t get that but hey listen, would you rather, M spent the rest of his life angry and alone and S, marry a guy that doesn’t treat her or respect her properly and they are both super unhappy or would you rather, they get a little bit of nutrients and they’re happy for the rest of their lives? I don’t know about you but I’d rather M unknowingly gets a little norephineprine for now that for him knowingly being on anti-depressants for the rest of his life.”

 

“Ugh. If I didn’t know you, I’d think you already work for them.” Rebecca rolled her eyes as she downed her drink. I laughed and looked at my watch.

 

“What would make you even say that?”

 

Right on time.

I grinned.

 

This wasn’t the post I wanted to have up today but it won’t be ready till Wednesday so come back Wednesday! I hope you enjoyed this post tho! 

Have a blessed week,

Lots of love,

Gedo xx

The fleeting nature of time.

Hey boos,
How are you?
Look at me go, I’m on a roll this week. I’ve had all my posts ready before they were due but the question is, will my video be ready before Saturday? (ooft, I’m coming for myself)
So Yesterday, I was getting ready to go into town and as I was getting ready, the pictures that I have hanging on my dresser caught my eye. Now, I’ve had these pictures since 2016 and I’ve never really paid much attention to them but yesterday, they caught my eye and I felt an odd pin prickling feeling in my stomach. As I properly stared at these pictures and saw the smiling and laughing faces of many people that I don’t speak to today, I felt the residue of time passing and not realizing it.
It’s been 3 and 3/4 years since I graduated from high school and I’m already half way through my undergraduate degree. Time flies very quickly and it got me thinking, how many days have I spent not doing the things I should be doing, not appreciating the people I should be appreciating, not treasuring the memories I should be treasuring? If I were back in high school, as cringe as it sounds, I’d tell myself to make the absolute moment of every minute of every day because I’m never going to get that time again, I’m never going to get that environment again and I might never have those people again in the way that I had them then.
Time is just so silent, you never know when it’s going to leave you. One day you’re daydreaming about the life you wish you had and then your life continues to move and before you know it, you find that you spent it daydreaming and never actually living it.
I know this all seems very cheesy but I genuinely want us to realise that although you have the rest of your life,  life is going fast. Even the days that seem to go slow in the grand scheme of things are going extremely fast. I want you to think of a memory, maybe your first high school dance? or your graduation, any memory at all, doesn’t it feel like it was just yesterday? Now calculate how many years have passed since then, isn’t that such a large amount of time?
I always used to hear and read and watch influencers who’d been doing their craft for 7 years, 8 years, 5 years and I used to think “wow, that’s such a long amount of time to be doing something” but I’ve been on this blog for 3 years and it’s such a shock to me because it feels like I’ve just started but if my blog was a child, it’d be walking by now.
I’m not sure if this blog post is a warning that time is fleeting and we’ve got to realise this and cherish every day as often as we can, or an encouragement that if you’re going through a difficult time right now, it’s not going to last forever, even though it seems to be dragging on right now, it won’t be that way forever. Perhaps it’s the sign that you needed, perhaps you really want to start something that is beneficial to you, to the environment, to your community but you keep putting it off because you’re afraid. Stop. Go do it.
There’s a significant difference between not doing something because you’re not mentally/emotionally/physically/financially/spiritually ready**** and not doing something because you are afraid. Everyone’s afraid but you don’t see that stopping them from jumping in planes and preaching the gospel, now do you? Paul was afraid many times in the bible and HE was like THE man, he approached God with fear and trembling but he still went and did what needed to be done.
You have every day, even if you don’t treat it with value (some days just suck, you can’t do anything about it) , make sure you value it.
HAVE a BLESSED day.
Lots of love,
Gedo xx
*Now I feel like I need to say this because I don’t want people jumping into things that they certainly aren’t ready for. Time is going fast, yes that is true, does that mean jump into a business that you’re not ready for? no, it means enjoy this time you have right now getting ready for the business .Enjoy the process, it might not be always fun but it’s not all bad either, enjoy this time because you won’t get it again. Does that mean making a spontaneous decision to drop out of school and pursue your passions? No, not necessarily; having an education is important and you can learn a lot but I understand it’s different for everyone so that’s a decision you’ll have to think about, pray about, discuss with people who are close to you and want the best for you, pray some more  and then make.

Kind for kindness sake

“Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always strive to do what is good for each other and for everyone else” 1 Thessalonians 5:15

Hey boos,

How are you?

I haven’t been on this scene in such a long time, I apologise. I’m probably the worst blogger ever at this point but never fear, I’m genuinely going to try and upload more times a week because I have a lot of thoughts. Shall we try Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays? 

Today, I want to talk about kindness and why it is so important for us to make sure we show kindness to everyone, every single person.  The definition of kindness is the quality of being friendly, generous and considerate. We live in a society today, and I say this all the time, where being mean is glorified. It’s worse in Western societies where we have individualistic values, so instead of pouring into the community, pouring into each other, we’d rather pour into ourselves which is good, but not all the time.

I really believe that kindness is often times the right choice, we can’t read each other minds or know what the other person is thinking and because of that, it’s so important to treat each and everyone with kindness and respect.

The things that I remember the most and love to remember the most are kind actions that people have done to me, like once I had to carry my suitcase up some flight of stairs and I remember being a little bit stressed because I had to carry it and this guy, randomly out of nowhere comes and he takes my suitcase and helps me carry it up the flight of stairs, (S/O to you dude, I hope you’re good). I remember when I was ill and my friend went and got paracetamol for me and another time when I was ill and one of my friends helped me get something from the supermarket.

When we put ourselves in the mind of kindness, we make small yet powerful impacts in the lives of others. I truly believe that the world smiles back at us when we are kind,  kind consistently and kind for kindness sake. Call me cheesy but I wholeheartedly believe in the phrase “when you smile at the world, the world smiles back”. When we are kind to other people, we become more positive, life is a little sweeter, we enjoy things a lot more.

Myself for example, I spent a long portion of my life believing that being mean was cool, that if I didn’t smile and if I pretended I was cold and unfeeling, people would respect me and want to get to know me but I wasn’t really content*, the relationships I had never really ran deep, I honestly just wasn’t having a good time. Then I got closer to God and my faith and saw how much God talked about love so I embraced that idea and honestly my life is a lot better, I feel a lot more positive, I’m genuinely excited about life and I genuinely love people (people still annoy me A LOT tho, dont get me wrong)

I’m not saying that there will be one big overnight change, you smile at one person and all of a sudden your anxiety goes away but I think if we take small steps to get outside of our heads, the moment we learn to do things for another person’s benefits; small things like open doors, smile more, be there for friends and family, be encouraging, be more appreciative, rather than thinking about what WE might gain from it, we are one step closer to finding contentedness in this fast paced, over-achieving world.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this tidbit, let me know what you think in the comments below!

Have a blessed day,

Lots of love,

Gedo xx

 

*Now I’m not saying that everyone is like or should be like me, there are some people who are naturally reserved or really shy or are just not very good at being there for other people. Being kind can be different for everyone depending on who you are and what you’re like, for some people being kind can look like not making someone who looks extremely uncomfortable speaking, speak all the time. It can look like not asking someone to do something for you because you know that they are extremely busy, it can look like giving someone the change they need. Any way in which an action is not necessary and not beneficial to you but beneficial to someone else can be seen as kindness, I reckon.

** If you go to hug someone and they say “no, thank you. I’m not comfortable with hugs.” and you don’t hug them, that’s not kindness, that’s what you should do. If you see them later on and they are looking a bit down and a bit upset, you encouraging them and listening to them not because you want to go talk about them with your friends later or because it’ll make you seem like a good person but simply because they need it, that’s kindness.

two.

Nestle had always been a “too” since she was a baby.

She was always too much

or too little.

She was either too small or too big

She was too strong, too rough, too passionate, she had too many edges, she asked too many questions.

Tetley had always been a “to”

He was always in the background.

He was never the subject or the object but simply took his position between them.

In his last year of high school, his 4th girlfriend (he’d had one for every year)  had had a conversation with him he had tried to forget, she was trying to break up with him and he was trying to understand why.

“This isn’t about me is it?” he asked, referring to the breakup

“That’s the problem T, this isn’t about you, it’s NEVER about you! It’s always about me, it’s always “how’s YOUR day” or “what do YOU want to do” or “okay if YOU want” It’s like your life does not exist without me, it’s like YOU don’t exist without me, without someone, like you can never be alone because then there is nothing about you. Tell me, have you ever said or done anything that wasn’t completely influenced by someone else?”

And that’s exactly what had brought him to the dodgiest centre he had ever had the displeasure of seeing. 1/2 of the neon letters in its sign had stopped working so instead of being “Bobby’s pleasure centre”, it  looked  like “Bby’s ere entr”, it looked a bit ominous if T was being honest and the thought of going home had crossed his mind but he swatted it away.

His ex girlfriend’s words had stayed with him even though he was in his third year of University now, he had seen the advertisement for this free ballroom dancing class on gumtree and the conversation he  had with her came flooding back to him because he  once told her it was something he’d like to do, but she said it was too cringey so he didn’t. He signed up without much thought, that would show her, also the girl he was currently talking to said she really liked boys who did “out of character” things, joining the rugby team at his University was most certainly not an option as his somewhat skinny frame would break if any of the athletic rugby lads so much as looked at him and atleast if he embarrassed himself here, no one would know about it.

She had noticed him first.

He wasn’t exceptionally good looking but Nestle liked that, she didn’t like boys that were goodlooking, she always found them somewhat inauthentic, he had a boyish features and ginger hair, features that she wouldn’t normally find attractive but he worked with them well.

Nestle was certain she had found the love of her life or maybe it’s the dim lighting and the adrenaline from the fact that there is atleast one cute guy here, she smiled at the thought.

Well I hope he doesn’t wear that shirt at our wedding, Nestle laughed silently and rolled her eyes at the thought. I’m so annoying. 

T scanned the room, there was a comfortable amount of people, comfortable in that it wasn’t cramped enough to feel claustrophobic but not too few to feel self conscious. There was a good mix of guys and women but it seemed as though most were either couples or  friends, everyone seemed to know each other. His eyes stopped at a girl who seemed to be a bit farther away from the crowd, she was a black girl with cool dark blue braids in, T had had enough black friends to know that that probably wasn’t her real hair and to know that commenting on it was probably not the best conversation starter, except maybe if it was a compliment but then she’d probably have heard that a lot. He still thought it was cool though.

She was smiling and maybe it was the lighting but she had a beautiful smile.

The instructor called for everyone to gather in a circle, possibly introduce himself and give some instructions, T wasn’t  paying attention.

His eyes looked for hers again.

She was standing right underneath the light this time, directly opposite him. Her eyes were gleaming and she tilted her neck slightly, she stared at the instructor in deep concentration, she was quite cute. His eyes moved downwards, she was wearing a black turtle neck and mid length tartan skirt. He looked down at his own choice of attire, a purple and white plaid shirt and jeans, his favourite.

T was never one to shy away from conversation or from people, he liked talking, he liked making jokes, he liked being around people, it made him feel cool, for lack of better word and  under normal circumstances, he would just stroll to her and ask her if she’d be his partner but she made him nervous, like she might look at him and see his whole life and not be interested.

The instructor was now calling for everyone to find partners and everyone was looking to each other, she had moved away from the light.

Waiting.

Waiting to be chosen, she sighed and looked around, she couldn’t understand why people never chose her, why she was always left on the sidelines. She looked at the cute guy who was currently staring at another girl, this always happened to her, she was never going to be chosen.

He wasn’t sure what to do but he knew he didn’t really have much time to think, it was either now or never. His legs started first and before he knew he was right in front of her,  he had walked up to her and she couldn’t believe it, she was smiling again, this time with teeth and she was beautiful.

And she was still beautiful when he placed his arm, in the most cutest awkward way she had ever seen, around her waist.

And gosh, was she beautiful when he spun her, because her skirt spun too and she laughed and if this was a ball, she would definitely be the belle.

“So what’s your name?” she asked in the break, her eyes soft but like fire at the same time, piercing, daring almost.

“Well people call me T,” he responded hoping she wouldn’t ask him his full name “What’s yours?”

“Surely, it must come from something,” she laughed “What’s your full name?” she sounded like she actually cared about what he had to say, she looked like she wanted to know everything about him.

“Promise you won’t laugh, I hate my name, like I feel like my parents were having a laugh when they named me.” He said smiling, she laughed, he had such a lovely smile and his voice was nothing like anything she thought she would be attracted to but she loved it, she would have never thought that an Irish accent could  be remotely sexy, especially after how many times she had heard it.

“Let’s hear it then.”

“My full name is Tetley,” she couldn’t help laughing at the coincidence, it was just too humorous.

“I told you not to laugh!” he said like a child, which only made her laugh harder. he had an amused expression on his face which made her crush for him intensify and his eyes, his eyes were so piercing, they made her feel like a girl and a woman at the same time.

“No! No!” she said in between giggles “It’s not that, it’s just..” she said

“Just what?” he asked, crossing his arms again like a defensive child.

“My name is Nestle.” He couldn’t contain it himself either and laughed

“Are you serious?” He said through chuckles

“I guess our parents really enjoyed breakfast beverages.”

The conversation rolled on for the rest of the night. She called him Tea and he in return called her Mocha, because that was her favourite coffee. He went to the University of Edinburgh and she went to Heriot Watt, she gave him the facts about why Heriot Watt was superior, he didn’t agree. They both agreed One Direction was the best thing that happened to them  however he was very “After Zayn” and she was “Before Zayn”.

She was different, she had responses.

He listened.

She was fast with her remarks.

He asked questions.

She understood all his references.

He knew his memes.

She even had ones he did not recognise.

There were so many things she could tag him in.

She was funny.

He laughed at her jokes.

She was energetic.

He was grounded.

She was eager.

He was calm.

She asked questions.

He didn’t make her feel like a nuisance.

She was passionate.

He understood.

She was strong.

He was strong.

Even though she was little, her personality was big and she wasn’t afraid.

Even though he was big, he didn’t make her feel little.

She was honest.

He was kind.

She made him feel like he was the most interesting person in the world, he actually started believing he might be.

He made her feel just enough.

 

The class ended too quickly.

She wasn’t ready to go home yet, he had to make her stay.

He had to.

“Anywhere I can take you to?” He asked, grinning.

“Well, I guess I’m not too tired.” She responded.

And so they left together, to find a place for two.

 

I finally did it

I am buzzing lads.

I don’t even have time for my usual greeting, I am way too excited for that.

Y’all notice anything different though?

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Anything?

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ANYTHING AT ALL?

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WE HAVE A DOMAIINNNNNN

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I know! I KNOW! 

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I can’t believe that I’ve actually done it guys, like ugh join me in thanking God. I didn’t even think I was going to do it today! It’s currently 2:40 AM and I’m sat in this cute little nook I made for myself, sniffling in my satin pyjamas and I need to go to bed so I’ll finish this blog post off tomorrow but I just wanted to say that God did it.

On October 27th, 2:30 AM in the morning, Gedo made her very first investment towards her blog. On this day, she went from .wordpress.com to just .com. SHOOKETH.

Okay bed time now.

Hey boos,

So it’s a reasonable time now and I’m finishing up this post, still sniffling in my satin pyjamas. I just wanted to say that this is feels like a big milestone, just a couple weeks ago I finally hit  100 followers (currently on 112 now) and it feels like things are coming together.

I know this post is extremely jumbled up and definitely not a”perfect” post but honestly not all posts will be. I am far from being the “perfect” “put together” human being that people on social media love to be, and honestly I don’t know if I ever want my posts to be all perfect and fancy and put together and lacking personality, do you know what I mean?

My blog posts are me and when people read them I want the experience to feel like a conversation with their best friend, I want people to feel like they are getting a bit of me,  and I want them to feel like “oh well she doesn’t seem perfect and she’s doing it, so maybe I can too”.

Anyway, I am going way off topic but I guess what I’m trying to say is, even though this blog will continue to improve and get cuter and bigger, I’m going to try really hard to make sure it stays sincere, honest and raw.

So yea, cheers to .com.

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Have a blessed day,

Lots of love,

Gedo xx

August recap: Break, University, Self-reinvention

Hey boos,

It’s ya girl next door, how are you? (My flatmates are currently getting ready to go out and I can hear them discussing outfits, s/o to you sisters)

So it’s been very quiet on my end lately, both social media, youtube and blogging wise that’s because I have in fact moved back into University for my second year and I am currently juggling 2 jobs, education, social life and good life habits and let me tell you something it is not easy. I like it though I feel like now I have less time for idleness.

Anyway, my August recap, I feel like August was a really good month for me, I drew closer to God and was able to stick to the tasks I wanted to stick to. It’s hard to believe that summer is over though, a bit mad isn’t it?

I have decided that I am going to re-invent myself to become a better woman and to be have and portray myself in the way that God wants me to be and it’s a lot easier said than done especially at University when there is so much going on all at one time, you’re working and you’re making sure you’re eating right and seeing your friends and deadlines but I am really going to try my best to be the best I can be.

I think I might start doing something like a goal of the month where I set one goal for different categories in my life and blog about it to let you know how it goes.

How would you guys feel about that?

I’ve also been thinking about my purpose, and I think I might know what it is finally. Funnily enough, it was written in one of my old agendas and I read it and remembering thinking wow, 12 year old me had such a strong sense of purpose, because I wrote it down so well and beautifully that I feel like it couldn’t have been me that thought of it.

I will write about it when God has given me 100% confirmation but I feel as though that is what it is.

I am going to sign out now because I need to write out a grocery list for this weekend as well as meal prep ideas, then I need to read and write out some notes, respond to some emails AND come up with a schedule so that my days are as productive but spaced out as possible. The whole point is so to be productive, not burnt out.

Thank you for reading and let me know what your goals are for the month of September.

Have a blessed day,

Lots of love,

Gedo xx

 

a poem to myself

I wrote this poem for a character I was playing in my drama society, but I quite like so I’ve decided to share it. The name of the character was gold by the way, and she was exactly like how this poem sounds.
The click clack of my heels the resounding anthem of my country
Population:
one confident boss woman.
My eyes burn forward steely and hot
I do not look down and
no one dares stare me in the eye
for fear the heat transcending my body in waves
does
not
burn
them
alive.
A walking hurricane
My fingers lie ironically lackadaisically beside me
fully aware of their ability to turn
anything
into
flames.
chipped nails and scaly.
they are the finest pieces of art if you ever saw one.
the story of the woman who was not afraid of
the
dirt
the woman who cried and did not wipe the tears away.
cried? hah. pay attention.
Lips.
Sharp and biting yet warm and sweet as honey
Who dareth stick their hand in the bees nest?
Ungraceful and chaotic.
Sharp.
Strong.
And so refreshing.
Loud and frightful.
Thunder.
You have been warned.
If you liked it, please do not forget to follow, like and comment and follow me on all my social media (keep scrolling down to find the links)
Have a blessed day,
Lots of love,
Gedo xx

The importance of a 100

Hey boos!

It’s finally happened! I am so excited and so happy, I’ve finally hit a 100 (+1) followers on my blog! For a lot of people it might not seem like a big accomplishment but I am very happy about it because it’s quite important to me, let me explain.

I started blogging when I was 12 years old, I got inspired by icarly and wanted a platform of my own. Since then it had just been a cycle, I’d start a blog, stop writing in it after a couple months and start another one. I’ve probably had 6 blogs before this one and none of them lasted very long, instead of focusing on what I had and growing it, I kept looking for something better. I actually started this blog because I was feeling depressed and needed some kind of creative outlet to let off steam and basically talk about people behind their backs (lol).

Having 100 followers to me means finally being able to decide on a goal, stick to it no matter how long it takes and actually accomplishing it. Having a 100 followers is almost to me, like a testament to my growth. I am no longer that girl who saw hard work and ran, who instead of working on her garden would look for one that was already made.

It’s taken me a long time to decide what my niche is; when I started this blog, I took the form of a fashion and style blogger but I soon realised that that really wasn’t for me, that’s not the kind of thing I want to post about. So here I am, 100 (and 1) followers later and carving a niche for myself and honestly I’m happy with it and  I thank God.

I geniunely believe that now I’m at this point, it can really only go up from here and it will so ride on 1000, I’m coming for you!

To celebrate, I’ve included some clip ons I’ve written from years ago, enjoy! (the first two are from 2012 and the second from 2015, oh dear)

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(Be prepared for some changes coming to this blog, huehue)

Have a blessed week,

Lots of love,

Gedo xx

The Aftermatt -pt 3 & 4

March- Absentmindedness

I make tea.
It tastes funny.
April – Depression 
The tears continue to stream down my eyes. Sleep seems lonelier now.
It doesn’t matter, I don’t want to sleep anyway. It seems like I don’t know how to.
I hope that if I don’t go to sleep then perhaps the day last longer and if the day last longer that is one less day that I have to get ready to go on without him.
I am falling apart and I know it.
I want to switch off. I wish I could switch off. Every breathe feels like an arrow to the heart. I haven’t used my phone in days, there is no point. How can I touch my phone knowing that the last time I touched it, I was with him. Knowing that we made plans on that device, we declared love on it.
His face is on my screen.
His face is on my mind.
I want to switch off.
Another wave of showers

The Aftermatt

Hey boos,

I completely forgot about blogging yesterday! Sorry friends but I’m back now with the second part of The AfterMatt, enjoy!

February- Despair

My roommate smiles at me as I enter the room, I smile back. She does not notice and I do not expect her to. She chats on about her lectures, how she can never understand what he’s talking about and does not understand why she bothers going everyday, she informs me that she is going home on Friday and to kindly water her plants whilst she is gone, Freddie, the tall plant needs to be watered in the morning, she has placed his nutrition powder next to the sugar and Carla her smaller plant needs to be watered on Saturday, she’ll write me a schedule because she knows I will forget. She reminds me that we have run out of tissue paper and milk.
I remember that Matt and I do grocery shopping on Saturdays.
I can feel myself slowly disintegrating. It starts from my stomach. A sharp drop, like someone has dropped a cement block in it. Then my heart stirs, that too is a sharp pain, unexpected and violent. I feel my ears heat up and a small almost undetectable prick in my eyes, I blink, the tears fall.
I don’t bother wiping my tears or controlling the sobbing sounds coming from my mouth, it’s better she is exposed to it now, she can get used to it faster.

 

Let me know what you think!

Have a blessed day,

Lots of love,

Gedo xx