Over weight: the food bit

Disclaimer: This post contains themes of like skipping meals, and the unhealthy desire to be skinny. I am not saying that being skinny is wrong, I am say the way I went about it IS. 

Hey boos,

How are you?

So I know this post is very late but listen, but here it is! If you’re a bit confused, the first part is here.

In the last episode, I talked about my story and gave a general overview of where it all began. Today, I’m going to speak about my relationship with food.

I don’t think, until now, I’ve ever had a good relationship with food, I used to see it as something that made me gain weight so on the days I went without it or ate little of it, I felt happy. I used to feel a certain novelty in being able to say I skipped breakfast or I hadn’t eaten lunch. I’m skipping ahead though, let’s start from the very beginning.

When I was very little, my parents told me that it used to be a struggle to feed me because I was very picky with what I ate (I don’t remember this) however that changed and I loved food, but not regular food, unhealthy food. I started eating a lot, and then I started eating, not because I was hungry, but because I was bored and I would eat big portions so obviously I was going to gain weight and I did (I remember this).

I wasn’t obese or anything but I was chubby and visibly bigger than all of my friends, well not friends, I didn’t have many friends in primary school (lol). Most of my female peers were slimmer than I was so that obviously didn’t really help my self-esteem. It also didn’t help that the popular girls in movies and TV were usually skinny and pretty with long hair and I wanted to be popular, so you can imagine I wasn’t exactly pleased with my chubby nature. I wanted to be skinny but I don’t remember ever actually doing anything to actively get me there.

The skipping meals didn’t start until boarding school, at the time I didn’t skip them because I wanted to lose weight, I just skipped it because I didn’t like the food they served so I lost a lot of weight, I lost so much weight. I wish I had a picture but I only have one picture from back then and I don’t even know where that picture is but I was so skinny then (I looked sick, it doesn’t look like me at all) and what is funny now that I think about it, I didn’t know I was skinny, I still thought I was chubby.

I don’t remember when I actively started skipping meals to lose weight, I think somewhere between The Netherlands and Scotland. I would skip meals and try to eat smaller portions and then binge on unhealthy food and feel guilty, it was just that never ending cycle. I didn’t see food as something that nourished my body or helped me grow, I never really saw it as a positive thing. I thought “healthy” meant “few” so the less calories I ate, the better.

This bring us to the beginning of last year when I started hanging out more with my friends, the thing about living with people is you get to see their life habits, habits like what they eat and in my case how much they eat. It made me extremely self conscious when my friends would eat half their meal and say they were full when there was me who was still hungry after eating the whole thing. This, interestingly enough, had never been a problem for me so I had no idea how to deal with it. What did I do? I tried to cut down on my eating which as you can imagine just left me hungry and wanting to snack on just about anything and everything, so now not only was I not eating enough nutrients for me, I was also filling the gap with a lot of snacks. I eventually realised that everyone has different needs and everyone has different food habits, that does not necessarily mean that mine are bad. What is good for the goose does not always have to be good for the gander.

My relationship with food is a lot better than it used to be, I try to eat when I am hungry and I try to eat enough to fill me. I try my best to watch what I eat and make healthy alternatives instead of just cutting it out of my diet completely. I try not to beat myself up when I binge on unhealthy food because I know now that this is a process and Rome wasn’t built in a day.

I’m doing these series just in case there might be anyone who could be going through their own health process right now and I would like for them to know that they are not alone and that this is a journey, everyday will not go exactly as you plan it and you need to learn to forgive yourself and let go.

I hope you enjoyed this and I’ll see you next week.

Have a blessed day,

Lots of love,

Gedo xx

HELP! How do I make friends

Hey boos,

So I understand that as many people are returning back to school or going to new schools, one of the things a lot of people worry about is making new friends and being social. Now I’m not saying I’m the most social person at the party but I think I’ve come a long way since back in the day and here are some tips that helped me, hopefully they can help you too.

Tip #1: Smile, always smile. 

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Especially if you’re like me where if you’re not smiling you look like you don’t want to be there or you want to kill somebody. I’ve just gotten used to smiling, even when I don’t want to. However the tricky thing about this is, you have to make the smile real (or atleast look real) because if the person you are talking to notices a fake smile, they will immediately think you don’t like them and will not want to continue conversation with you.

Tip #2: ask Questions

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If you don’t know what to say and you can feel the conversation slipping, ask questions. I tend to always go to questions about music or where they used to live and if they liked it there, questions that can keep them talking so they aren’t bored. Make sure you show them you’re listening, nodding your head is always a good way and saying your necessary “mhmnns” and “right” and “wow, I can only imagine”

You can also use questions to start a conversation with someone, even a simple “hey, do you know what time it is?” or “do you know where our next class is?” can lead to a conversation.

Tip #3: Talk about your night before 

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If you don’t want to go down the question route, just say “I’m so tired”, most of the time, the person will reply with “I’m so tired too” and from here you can either ask them what they were doing last night or proceed to tell them what you were doing the night before. If there’s a funny story to tell, by all means tell them!

Tip #4: Laugh at their funny stories

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Some people like to tell little stories to the people they meet, sometimes about something that happened to them or to their pet or even to their siblings. If it’s a funny story, try to laugh! Laughing will make the person feel good about their story which will make them feel more comfortable with you. However just like with the smiling, the laugh must be real or seem real otherwise the person you are talking to will notice and will not want to continue the conversation

Tip #5: Count to 3 and then Go

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This is a great tip especially if you feel like you don’t have the self confidence to just go up to people. What I tend to do is count to 3 and then blank out my mind and go for it. Immediately  I count “3”, I do it so that my mind has no time to give me reasons not to do it and 9 times out of 10, it works out and I have really good conversations with people. So just count to 3 and the moment you hit 3, just go, don’t think about it, just go.

Of-course you must remember that sometimes it wont work out but that does not mean you should spend the rest of the day thinking about it, instead just congratulate yourself for being confident enough to initiate conversation and move on to the next person. The more you practice approaching new people and talking to new people, the more confident you find yourself being and your social skills will improve.

Hopefully you found these tips helpful and will use them the next time you find yourself around new people. When was the last time you approached someone new? How did it go? Let me know in the comments below.

Lots of love,

Gedo xx