Over weight: the food bit

Disclaimer: This post contains themes of like skipping meals, and the unhealthy desire to be skinny. I am not saying that being skinny is wrong, I am say the way I went about it IS. 

Hey boos,

How are you?

So I know this post is very late but listen, but here it is! If you’re a bit confused, the first part is here.

In the last episode, I talked about my story and gave a general overview of where it all began. Today, I’m going to speak about my relationship with food.

I don’t think, until now, I’ve ever had a good relationship with food, I used to see it as something that made me gain weight so on the days I went without it or ate little of it, I felt happy. I used to feel a certain novelty in being able to say I skipped breakfast or I hadn’t eaten lunch. I’m skipping ahead though, let’s start from the very beginning.

When I was very little, my parents told me that it used to be a struggle to feed me because I was very picky with what I ate (I don’t remember this) however that changed and I loved food, but not regular food, unhealthy food. I started eating a lot, and then I started eating, not because I was hungry, but because I was bored and I would eat big portions so obviously I was going to gain weight and I did (I remember this).

I wasn’t obese or anything but I was chubby and visibly bigger than all of my friends, well not friends, I didn’t have many friends in primary school (lol). Most of my female peers were slimmer than I was so that obviously didn’t really help my self-esteem. It also didn’t help that the popular girls in movies and TV were usually skinny and pretty with long hair and I wanted to be popular, so you can imagine I wasn’t exactly pleased with my chubby nature. I wanted to be skinny but I don’t remember ever actually doing anything to actively get me there.

The skipping meals didn’t start until boarding school, at the time I didn’t skip them because I wanted to lose weight, I just skipped it because I didn’t like the food they served so I lost a lot of weight, I lost so much weight. I wish I had a picture but I only have one picture from back then and I don’t even know where that picture is but I was so skinny then (I looked sick, it doesn’t look like me at all) and what is funny now that I think about it, I didn’t know I was skinny, I still thought I was chubby.

I don’t remember when I actively started skipping meals to lose weight, I think somewhere between The Netherlands and Scotland. I would skip meals and try to eat smaller portions and then binge on unhealthy food and feel guilty, it was just that never ending cycle. I didn’t see food as something that nourished my body or helped me grow, I never really saw it as a positive thing. I thought “healthy” meant “few” so the less calories I ate, the better.

This bring us to the beginning of last year when I started hanging out more with my friends, the thing about living with people is you get to see their life habits, habits like what they eat and in my case how much they eat. It made me extremely self conscious when my friends would eat half their meal and say they were full when there was me who was still hungry after eating the whole thing. This, interestingly enough, had never been a problem for me so I had no idea how to deal with it. What did I do? I tried to cut down on my eating which as you can imagine just left me hungry and wanting to snack on just about anything and everything, so now not only was I not eating enough nutrients for me, I was also filling the gap with a lot of snacks. I eventually realised that everyone has different needs and everyone has different food habits, that does not necessarily mean that mine are bad. What is good for the goose does not always have to be good for the gander.

My relationship with food is a lot better than it used to be, I try to eat when I am hungry and I try to eat enough to fill me. I try my best to watch what I eat and make healthy alternatives instead of just cutting it out of my diet completely. I try not to beat myself up when I binge on unhealthy food because I know now that this is a process and Rome wasn’t built in a day.

I’m doing these series just in case there might be anyone who could be going through their own health process right now and I would like for them to know that they are not alone and that this is a journey, everyday will not go exactly as you plan it and you need to learn to forgive yourself and let go.

I hope you enjoyed this and I’ll see you next week.

Have a blessed day,

Lots of love,

Gedo xx

The truth about Results day

Hey boos,

LOL it has been a very long time, or it feels like it. Happy month of July, I pray the month of July brings a lot of great things for all of you, I have a really good feeling about this month so I am very excited, very exciting things to come so definitely watch this space.

Anyway though, so yesterday, July 6th was a very big moment for a group of people (a people that I have come to relate to), yesterday was IB results day.

For those that don’t know, the IB stands for international Baccalaureate (I spent 2 years doing it and I still dont know how to spell it)  and according to the website, it is is a non-profit educational foundation offering four highly respected programmes of international education that develop the intellectual, personal, emotional and social skills needed to live, learn and work in a rapidly globalizing world (IB). Every student knows that anything defined in less than 2 lines is going to be a problem so brace yourself.  

There are 4 main parts of the IB programme;

Courses: You have to take 6 2 year courses, atleast 3 of them must be at higher level and with each course you must write an internal assessment, which is like a research paper except your language courses (Spanish, German, English, Yoruba etc) where you write a WA (written assessment). Your WAs get marked by teachers picked by the IB programme whilst your IAs get marked by your actual teachers (which is why they are called Internal Assessments)

TOK: TOK is a 1 year course, it stands for Theory of knowledge (tbh I don’t even know how to explain this subject, let’s just say you talk a lot about a lot of deep stuff that you don’t even care to know unless you care to know) at the end of this course, you have to write your TOK essay

As if you didn’t have enough on your plate there’s still

CAS: Creative, active and Service hours. You have to complete 50 hours of supervised activities under those three categories (not as easy as it sounds), at the end of each activity you have to write a report about it, including what you learn’t from it (and if you didn’t learn anything, you better know how to create something out of nothing, but that’s okay, it’s a skill you’ll learn after the 2 years)

EE: Your extended essay is a 4000 word essay you have to write under a course (any of the 6 courses you’re taking, during my time, it had to be out of your Higher levels but they’ve changed it now)

Ofcourse, there are also tests, quizzes, essays and all that basic stuff you do in class, we had to do that and then these 4 parts so the IB definitely was not for the faint-hearted.

Whilst I was doing the IB, the best part of my day was going to bed because that was the only time I wasn’t worrying about anything.  I really didn’t enjoy it, I didn’t hate my school, I didn’t hate my teachers (I actually loved them), I didn’t hate my peers (they were tolerable, lol jk love you guys) but I really disliked doing the IB programme.

Do I regret doing it? I don’t think so, but that’s because I had a great support system (I am  blessed to have a family that didn’t add any extra pressure to the pressure I was already putting on myself), I had great friends and understanding teachers so I don’t regret it but if you took away all of that then I think I would have regretted doing it.

Would I recommend it? Depending on the person, if you are a strong person or someone that enjoys challenges or you have a great support system or blessed intellectually  then I think definitely go for it but if you are none of the above then don’t do it, it’s a lot of work and a lot of pressure.

Results day was probably one of the worst days of my life, I was so stressed and worried, I couldn’t sleep, my stomach was hurting and I kept using the bathroom every 5 minutes.

When I saw my results, I was shaking, I was so disappointed and maybe heartbroken, my parents had guests that day so when I saw my grades, I went and showed them then I went back into my room literally screaming and crying that I wasn’t going to University, I cried the entire day (thinking back at it now, I roll my eyes, I know I am dramatic but come on Gedo) I got a 29 by the way, I was predicted a 31, so I was 2 points lower than my predictions, although for a lot of them I was 1 point lower from crossing the grade boundary so if I got them remarked and gotten those points I could have gotten a 32 (which isnt a 45 but LOL) 

I was so disappointed in my results, I couldn’t even tell people because I felt so ashamed of myself. After calls and preparing myself for clearing, I actually got into Uni with those results, and I ended up not going into clearing.

A year later, with my 29 and a lot of help from God, I have been accepted to schools in Germany, Canada and the UK (I tried again).

Basically what I am trying to say is, at the end of the day, your result is your result, a reflection of how you did at that point in your life not a reflection of yourself. Yes, you got grades you didn’t expect or want but honey it’s not the end of the world, life still goes on and you will go on with it.

I am happy I pushed through and did the IB, I am happy that I have a diploma with my name on it and I am overjoyed it is over.

So no worries my g, you got this.

Lots of love,

Gedo xx