ALEXA PLAY RECKLESS LOVE BY CORY ASBURY (I CRIED whilst writing this)

“What is mankind that you are mindful of them, human beings that you care for them?” Psalm 8:4

hey boos,

How are you? I’ve literally been working on this blog post for a while now, trying to get it right but I’m going to let God take reign and let him tell me what he wants me to write.

Basically, I wanted to speak about God’s love because I feel like sometimes we forget, sometimes we get so wrapped up in the mediocrities of life that we forget about the wider picture, the blessings, God even.

I was at church a couple weeks back for a programme called peniel, it’s held every year during the summer and this year was my first time attending. One of the preachers in the programme said something along the lines of, God sits of the throne with millions of angels who praise him perfectly, exactly as they should yet when one person, one person who’s voice cannot even match the quality of your favourite singers much less the angels, God tells them to stop so he can listen to that one person. Can you imagine a love like that? telling a great room of the best singing you have ever heard in your life to stop singing so you can hear one human voice?

Who am I that God should love me? the creator of things that I cannot even begin to understand, who created the dots on strawberries and causes dew to fall on the grass in the early morning, who am I that he should love me?

“Greater love has no one than this; to lay down one’s life for one’s friends” John 15:13

It’s hard to understand this because as humans we’re a bit selfish, although we boast about loyalty and “ride or dies” when it comes to it, there would only be a small population of people who would actually die for their friends. Do you know who did? and who would again a 100 million times if he had to? Jesus Christ. Did you know that the night before Jesus died on the cross, his heart was heavy? Do you want to know why? Because he was dreading it. Matthew 26:39 says “Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will but you will” then he goes on to pray “My father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done.” (Matthew 26:42)

Basically he’s saying, “God I dont really want to go through it but if it’s your will for me, if this is what I have to do then I’ll do it”. Have you ever seen such an amazing display of self sacrifice? to first be betrayed by someone you love and called your own and sold for money, then publicly taken away only to have the very person promising he would never deny you, deny you three times, to then have the public choose to free a criminal over you, to carry your cross AND then be nailed to it and be left there for three days whilst the guards make fun of you?

Jesus did all that, for you.

For you.

And your parents and your siblings and your friends and your grandparents.

He did it so we could all get a chance to God’s real real children, to be tight with God, to be Gods’ daughters and sons, to be brothers and sisters with Jesus.

He did it, so you could be family.

So do you understand now why the price if you don’t believe in God is so high? someone had to die a despicable death for it.

“The Lord watches over you- the Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.” Psalm 121: 5-6

Soften your hearts and hear me, look at this, the sun will not harm you by day nor the moon by night, look at this love. Do you know what that means? it means that even at your most vulnerable stage, when you are not conscious and when you cannot do anything for yourself, God is protecting you, he is there, his angels are there, they are guarding you and keeping you safe. (Man I’ve teared up so many times with this post)

“The Lord will keep you from ALL harm- he will watch over your life; the Lord with watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.” Psalm 121: 7-8

Not some, not a few, but ALL, meaning every single harm, and not just today and tomorrow but for ALL of your life. Is that not love? Is that not real love?

“When you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet. Have no fear of sudden disaster or of the ruin that overtakes the wicked, for the lord will be at your side and will keep your foot from being snared” -Proverbs 3: 26

Do you know what he is saying here? he says do not be anxious, he says do not be afraid, I know there are a lot of people who get anxious at night, anxious for life, anxious that they might die in their sleep, anxious that something bad will happen and here God is, God is “saying hey, hey listen, don’t worry about that, don’t be anxious about that, I got your back, just sleep, I got you”. Is that not real love?

What do you know about the God that leaves 99 sheep for the one that was left behind? What do you know about the God that says bring ALL of your burdens to me and take my own because mine is lighter? (I’m crying now) What do you know about the God that says I will carry you on my back and have my wings protect you? What do you know about the God that says “look I know you, I know you inside out, I know your weak points, I know the things you’ve done, I know you’ve said and done some things that hurt me and hurt yourself and the people around you, and even though the people might not have forgiven you, even though you may not have forgiven yourself, I forgive you.

I. Forgive. You.

I forgive you and I still love you.

To me, you are perfect, to me you are whole and you are clean and you are worth it and I love you.”

What do you know about that God? About my God? about Your God?

What do you know about the God that genuinely wants the best for you? That even in times of trial, he holds your hand, he tries to help it be as smooth as possible for you?

What do you know (I am quite literally bawling my eyes out, I’m gonna insert a picture to prove it) about the God that feels your pain? That feels your heaviness? The God that sees you crying in your pillow at 3 AM because your heart hurts and feels that pain?

38955243_1716462005129660_7486544256568393728_n (crying me x, in this house we love God and cry when we write about him, Alexa play reckless love by Cory Asbury)

I don’t know what people have tried to tell you, I don’t know what you’ve heard or what you’ve read but if you take one thing away from this, I want it to be this;

In all that noise, in all that white noise, people talking, shouting, hustle and bustle, traffic, hardships, heartbreaks, God is there. God is there and he loves you. God sees you and he sees your pain and he pats your back and he says,

“My child, the storm is coming to an end, I’m here, I’m right here. I love you and I’m right here.”

Thank you God.

I could probably write on forever but I need to keep this a readable length.

(It was cloudy and immediately I ended this blog post, the dark clouds went away and the Sun shone, like immediately, if that’s not a sign of someone’s breakthrough, of someone’s rainy days coming to an end then I dont know what is)

Have a blessed day,

Lots of love,

Gedo xx

 

SINGLE FOR A YEAR

Hey boos!

I hope everything is well with you! Mondays can be hard but you’ve got this!

Let’s just jump straight into what we are discussing today, relationships! (juicy..).

So I’ve been completely single, by completely single I mean, no flings, no physical (u know what I mean) contact, not even romantically talking, I’ve just been single. I’ve only had 1 “serious” relationship in my life which ended completely in 2016. From then on, nothing really happened, I spoke to boys but it never really lasted that long. After the last guy I spoke to, I had enough and in an offhandish manner, I told myself that I would spend a year away from boys, and it happened (not necessarily because I was staying away from them lol).

Whilst on this year long break, I discovered quite a lot both generally and specific to me. I thought I’d disclose them..

  1. Feelings change quickly.

I realised that feelings can develop unexpectedly, quickly and deeply but one can also fall out of them just as unexpectedly and quickly. This may be the reason why a good amount of people get ghosted, because feelings change quickly and unexpectedly and its easier to ghost someone than explain to them that your feelings have changed and you no longer really want to know them. It’s important to not only use your feelings to guage your interest in someone, use your head as well; if they were wearing a red shirt instead of a black one would you still like them? if you saw them in a different environment like walking on the street, would you go up and talk to them?

2. One hardly regrets relationships that never happened.

Let me explain, you meet someone. You think they’re gorg, you slide into their dms. You have a few conversations, you really “imagine” you two would get on well in a relationship, nothing happens still, the feelings fade and on reflection, you find that actually, you’re quite glad nothing happened because once the rose tinted sunglasses come off, then what?

3. Relationships are overrated but then so is being single.

You know when you see someone drink a coke or you smell cake or you watch someone have a doughnut and for the rest of the day, you crave whatever it is you saw the person have? You’re not hungry or anything, you don’t need the cake, the doughnut or the coke but you crave it and most of the time you eventually give into your craving and get it. That’s almost what it’s like looking at couples on instagram or watching them on youtube or even just seeing your friends in relationships. You actually begin to crave it, even when the last thing you actually need is a relationship and you yourself know it but then you get into one and realise it’s actually a lot of work, usually a lot more work than you have time for/are willing to spend.

Singleness is also overrated, people like to believe that singleness is peace of mind and only having to look after your own needs, which it is to some extent but people tend not to talk about the despicable feeling of feeling unwanted, loneliness and even simple things like wanting to share a meme with someone at the end of the day, or an embarrassing story that happened to you, sometimes even just a hug, a deep and meaningful hug.

 

I actually learnt quite a lot this year and I could do a part 2 if you wanted me to.

Thank you for reading.

Like, comment and follow if you enjoyed it and dont forget to follow me on my socials if you wish.

Have a blessed day,

Lots of love,

Gedo xx

I WALKED 20 KM

Hey boos!

How are you all doing? I feel like it’s been a while since I last talked to you, the last upload was an updates blog and I said I would start posting on Mondays and Fridays, that’s starting this week, my creative juices are flowing (it might just be the glass of shloer sat next to me) and I have some great ideas for blogs so keep your eyes peeled.

Anyway, yes, I’m sure you’re wondering….20 km? what? is this clickbait? what are you doing Gedo? I can assure you, this is not clickbait and I did walk 20 km, let’s talk.

What did I do?

I walked 20 km, I left the house at about 6:20 am and returned at about 10 am.

Why did I do it?

I watched a video once on facebook, it was about a girl and she was crying and praying for  the people on the outside world to come to their aid and it really hit me how people like her were suffering, praying that people in other parts of the world would help her whilst I was sitting on my screen doing nothing. I imagined myself in her position and the thought plagued me for a while but I forgot about it under the guise of “I’m thinking about what to do”. Summer came around and the thought crept back, I kept trying to push it away telling myself there was nothing I could do. About a month ago, I finally got up and told myself I was going to do something, I had to do something. So I did.

How did I do it?

I thought about all the things I could possibly do to fundraise and eventually picked walking because I remembered walking 11 km back when I was in middle school to raise money for children (everyone in my class had to do it). I figured since I had already done 11 km, I would 1 up myself and do 20.

I googled how long it would take to walk it and went back and forth before deciding on 20 km. When that had been decided, I downloaded the “map my run” app on my phone and began practicing. Some days I walked 5 km, some days I did 10 km and one time, the week before the day of the walk, I did 12 km.

How did I feel?

I felt very nervous a week before it, I was dreading it a little bit because I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to complete it or that something would go terribly wrong. Not to mention, the night before the day of the walk, I had terrible leg pains on both my legs but I was determined not to let it stop me. I prayed to God to heal my legs, I swallowed 2 ibuprofen tablets and went back to bed and when I woke up 3 hours later, my legs felt as good as new.

How did I feel on the walk?

At first it wasn’t too bad, I bought new running shoes the previous day and they caused my feet to hurt but I was determined not to let that hinder me. After the first 10 km, I  really started to feel it, at 15 km I wanted to cry and was regretting everything. At 18 km, I was limping and singing worship songs because that gave me the energy I needed and distracted me from the fact that I just wanted everything to end. at 20 km, I couldn’t believe I had done it and praised God for everything.

How did I feel after the walk?

I had been praying before the walk that I would feel NO pain in my legs afterwards and I didn’t feel any pain in my legs so God answered my prayers BUT I had chafed badly as you can imagine AND because of my shoes, the heels of my feet as well as the bottom of my toes hurt but I was just glad that I had accomplished it, I said I was going to do something and followed through and did it!

How much did I fundraise?

I fundraised 200 pounds, with the help of my family, my friends and my family’s friends! The link is here if you’re interested in donating.

Would I do it again?

Yes! I plan to some time in the future.

So what now?

RECOVERY SIS RECOVERY!

 

Thank you to everyone who helped with this, whether it was donating money, sharing it with their friends and family or even just educating themselves more on what was happening in Syria. I also want to thank God because he really helped me on this journey more than people will ever know. I also recorded my entire experience, I’m about to edit it so when the video goes live I will place the link here so you can watch it if you want.

Thanks for reading!

Leave a comment if you like.

Have a blessed weekend,

Lots of love,

Gedo xx

What’s going on..?

Hey boos,

This wasn’t the post I had meant to go up today however the post is not completely ready yet and I want it to be as good as it gets before I publish it for you guys so instead you’re going to get an update blog, a spring cleaning blog if you’d prefer.

So let’s get it going shall we?

What’s going on in my life?

First of all, I am doing a 20 km walk on my own accord, all the money will be going to Syria relief, I’ll insert the link (here) and I won’t lie I am very nervous for this walk, I did 12 km today and my legs really hurt but then I think, there’s a whole war going on out there and no one seems to be talking about it or doing anything about it for that matter, this is the least I can do.

I also have a YouTube channel in case y’all didn’t know, I’m inserting that link in (here) so feel free to do your worst (hehe) I post vlogs and I’m about to start making fashion videos so if that’s something you’re looking forward to, you’ll probably enjoy my videos.

What’s going on on this blog?

If you’ve noticed, you’ll realise that I changed the name of my blog from whodatgedogirl to theshenarrative, I prefer it like this because I feel like I’m breaking some sort of barrier. I feel a lot more active, a lot more motivated and a lot more determined to push this blog to better places and greater heights. I’ve also setting update dates again, Mondays and Sundays at 4:30 pm GMT, you heard it here first. (I’m going to be posting on my youtube channel on Tuesdays and Saturdays so that should be cool)

What’s going on in my head?

Honestly, my head is pretty good. I am determined and I am focusing on my own lane, I’m trying to get closer to God and to remember my goals. Sometimes I feel a bit down because I feel as though I don’t have any real friends but then I’m too busy right now to be lonely.

So that’s currently what’s going on with me, what about you? what’s going on with you?

Have a blessed day,

Lots of love,

Gedo xx

a poem to myself

I wrote this poem for a character I was playing in my drama society, but I quite like so I’ve decided to share it. The name of the character was gold by the way, and she was exactly like how this poem sounds.
The click clack of my heels the resounding anthem of my country
Population:
one confident boss woman.
My eyes burn forward steely and hot
I do not look down and
no one dares stare me in the eye
for fear the heat transcending my body in waves
does
not
burn
them
alive.
A walking hurricane
My fingers lie ironically lackadaisically beside me
fully aware of their ability to turn
anything
into
flames.
chipped nails and scaly.
they are the finest pieces of art if you ever saw one.
the story of the woman who was not afraid of
the
dirt
the woman who cried and did not wipe the tears away.
cried? hah. pay attention.
Lips.
Sharp and biting yet warm and sweet as honey
Who dareth stick their hand in the bees nest?
Ungraceful and chaotic.
Sharp.
Strong.
And so refreshing.
Loud and frightful.
Thunder.
You have been warned.
If you liked it, please do not forget to follow, like and comment and follow me on all my social media (keep scrolling down to find the links)
Have a blessed day,
Lots of love,
Gedo xx

The importance of a 100

Hey boos!

It’s finally happened! I am so excited and so happy, I’ve finally hit a 100 (+1) followers on my blog! For a lot of people it might not seem like a big accomplishment but I am very happy about it because it’s quite important to me, let me explain.

I started blogging when I was 12 years old, I got inspired by icarly and wanted a platform of my own. Since then it had just been a cycle, I’d start a blog, stop writing in it after a couple months and start another one. I’ve probably had 6 blogs before this one and none of them lasted very long, instead of focusing on what I had and growing it, I kept looking for something better. I actually started this blog because I was feeling depressed and needed some kind of creative outlet to let off steam and basically talk about people behind their backs (lol).

Having 100 followers to me means finally being able to decide on a goal, stick to it no matter how long it takes and actually accomplishing it. Having a 100 followers is almost to me, like a testament to my growth. I am no longer that girl who saw hard work and ran, who instead of working on her garden would look for one that was already made.

It’s taken me a long time to decide what my niche is; when I started this blog, I took the form of a fashion and style blogger but I soon realised that that really wasn’t for me, that’s not the kind of thing I want to post about. So here I am, 100 (and 1) followers later and carving a niche for myself and honestly I’m happy with it and  I thank God.

I geniunely believe that now I’m at this point, it can really only go up from here and it will so ride on 1000, I’m coming for you!

To celebrate, I’ve included some clip ons I’ve written from years ago, enjoy! (the first two are from 2012 and the second from 2015, oh dear)

Captureoldpostsoldpic2

(Be prepared for some changes coming to this blog, huehue)

Have a blessed week,

Lots of love,

Gedo xx

The Aftermatt -pt 3 & 4

March- Absentmindedness

I make tea.
It tastes funny.
April – Depression 
The tears continue to stream down my eyes. Sleep seems lonelier now.
It doesn’t matter, I don’t want to sleep anyway. It seems like I don’t know how to.
I hope that if I don’t go to sleep then perhaps the day last longer and if the day last longer that is one less day that I have to get ready to go on without him.
I am falling apart and I know it.
I want to switch off. I wish I could switch off. Every breathe feels like an arrow to the heart. I haven’t used my phone in days, there is no point. How can I touch my phone knowing that the last time I touched it, I was with him. Knowing that we made plans on that device, we declared love on it.
His face is on my screen.
His face is on my mind.
I want to switch off.
Another wave of showers

GGTG: Gettin’ right with God

 

Hey boos,

How are you all doing? Hope your weekend has been all you’ve wanted it to be!

So if you’ve been following my blog consistently, you’ll remember that I posted a blog post Gospel Girltalk…or Guy: An honest Conversation. where I talked about how I didn’t love God as I should and how I only saw him as a military figure (either you do this or you’re out) and I think I can say that I am no longer on that route anymore.

This post is for Christians who are at the same point as me but have no idea how to get out of it, not all the things that worked for me are going to work for you and that’s perfectly fine, don’t beat yourself up about it, every person’s relationship with God is personal and there is no strict/distinct route that everyone must follow!

Here are the few things that I did that helped me.

  1. I constantly asked myself the question “Does this concern/affect my personal relationship with God?” and if the answer was no then I just left it alone.

If you spend a lot of time contemplating about the nitty gritty, thinking about what everybody is saying, taking everyone’s opinion to heart then it’s going to affect your relationship with God because then you’re not looking at him from your eyes, you’re looking at him from the eyes of everyone else.

2. Watch Transformation Church’s grace like a flood series (Grace).

It has helped me so much when it comes to rewiring what I once thought about who God was, it’s helped me see him in a different light. I 100% recommend, over and over again!

3. Listen to gospel music.

I actually enjoy listening to gospel music, I like Hillsong, I like Rend collective, Jesus Culture and some people might find it difficult finding gospel music that they enjoy so a list of gospel music could be something that I can look into.

4. Speak to God like how you’d speak to your friend or your mom.

God is like your closest friend, your dad so feel free to speak to him like your dad that he is. There is no one in this world that loves you and want to be your best friend more than he does so go for it.

5. Don’t put the pressure on yourself.

Don’t fear yourself into pushing him away by thinking you’re not a “good Christian”, God loves you and the moment you remove the pressure from yourself to be “the perfect Christian”, to believe in him, to appreciate all the things he has done for you. Make loving him your goal, not reading the bible everyday or praying twice a day.

From watching the Grace series there’s one thing I learnt that changed everything and that was, people don’t go to hell because of sin, they go to hell because they don’t believe. Human beings will slip and slide but God has already arranged for that, it’s your love he’s out for and once you realise that, it’s easy.

I was talking to one of my christian friends and I asked him how does he love God, how is he so close to him and he told me, I’m not really good at praying or reading the bible everyday and that left me stumped because I was praying and reading my bible everyday but I didn’t feel any connection with God because I didn’t love him. It was only after I retraced my steps, found out how I liked worshipping him (gospel music), learnt about his grace and how he will always love me that I finally began to understand.

Our relationship is not perfect, he is but I’m not and that’s fine because he loves me like that and I will regress sometimes but that’s also fine because he understands, all I need to do is cling onto his hand even when I can’t see his face because at the end of the day even though I may not be able to see him, he’s still carrying me along.

I really hope this helps and if you’re at the same place I was, please reach out because I completely, completely get it.

Have a blessed day,

Lots of love,

Gedo xx

(P.S. I have a fundraiser, https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/ojoagedo-yamusa, please donate if you can!)

 

 

 

Dispensable and Dispense-ABLE

Hey boos,

How are you all doing??

I know, I know, I know, and like the prodigal son I return but I promise you I haven’t been spending your money on girls and gambling and alcohol (atleast I don’t think I have), it’s just that when you slip off the rock, even just a little, you become too lazy to climb it again, that has been what has been happening to me, even with my youtube I’ve been slipping a little but it has given me some time to think.

I’ve been thinking about friendships and how it works and I’ve come to realise how strong yet inherently weak a connection can be, hear me out. At the end of the day, you are dispensable and dispense-able.

This is primarily for the people who are currently in a toxic relationship or have currently been broken up with and feel like they can’t move on or like they will never be able to find a connection like the one they just lost/about to lose.

Listen babe, there are 7 billion people in the world, you could speak to thousands of people every single day and still not speak to everyone in the world. There will always be someone else who can give you the same connection, maybe even better, it’s just down to you finding each other, say you don’t want to leave because you’ve known each other for years, you will find someone else who can give you that time back. When you think about relationships from that perspective, it leaves you with a sense of ambivalence, you’re happy because it means that you can leave that toxic relationship with the knowledge that there is something out there better for you however it leaves a sense of sadness and dread because it means that you are dispensable.

I think the reason why a lot of people find it hard letting go is because they focus on the other person, they make that person their world and forget that there is a whole world out there and that’s a good thing when the relationship is a stable and healthy but once it turns toxic it seems as though we are stuck in that mindset, completely stuck in their world, it’s in those times that we need to broaden our scope and remember that there is a whole world out there, we just need to look up and see it.

I have a lot in the works guys and I’m really going to try and conquer my self-sabotaging self (something else I’m going to talk about) so I can feel get myself where I should be.

Thank you for reading.

Have a blessed weekend,

Lots of love,

Gedo xx

 

The Aftermatt

Hey boos,

I completely forgot about blogging yesterday! Sorry friends but I’m back now with the second part of The AfterMatt, enjoy!

February- Despair

My roommate smiles at me as I enter the room, I smile back. She does not notice and I do not expect her to. She chats on about her lectures, how she can never understand what he’s talking about and does not understand why she bothers going everyday, she informs me that she is going home on Friday and to kindly water her plants whilst she is gone, Freddie, the tall plant needs to be watered in the morning, she has placed his nutrition powder next to the sugar and Carla her smaller plant needs to be watered on Saturday, she’ll write me a schedule because she knows I will forget. She reminds me that we have run out of tissue paper and milk.
I remember that Matt and I do grocery shopping on Saturdays.
I can feel myself slowly disintegrating. It starts from my stomach. A sharp drop, like someone has dropped a cement block in it. Then my heart stirs, that too is a sharp pain, unexpected and violent. I feel my ears heat up and a small almost undetectable prick in my eyes, I blink, the tears fall.
I don’t bother wiping my tears or controlling the sobbing sounds coming from my mouth, it’s better she is exposed to it now, she can get used to it faster.

 

Let me know what you think!

Have a blessed day,

Lots of love,

Gedo xx