TRIGGER WARNING: R*PE!
TRIGGER WARNING: R*PE!
Yay! Here we are in 2019, Happy new year! We all made it and I am proud of every single one of us, glad we all made it safe. I’d like to say a special welcome to all those that joined us in 2018, I’m glad you’re here and I’m excited to see where we will all go this year!
Today, the first Wednesday of the year, I would like to give you 5 helpful tips on how you can set and achieve your goals in 2019!
Let’s get right into it.
1. Be diligent
I don’t think a lot of people pay a lot of care when they make their goals, I think they just think of things they would like and then write that down.
People sometimes write their goals without any intention of actually following through with them so they don’t spend a lot of time properly thinking about what they actually want to achieve.
My tip is to take time and think about what you want to achieve, what do you actually really want to achieve? is it realistic? is it a continuous goal or is something you can complete during the course of this year? What aspects of your life do you want to see change? How many aspects of your life would you like to work on this year compared to last year? How do you intend on carrying out these goals?
2. Less is more.
The few goals you have, the more diligently you can work on them. Think about all the aspects in your life you would like to work on and have a few goals for each. For example, I have categorised my goals in 6 sections, faith, health, appearance, inner self, business and academic and in each section I have an average of 2 goals (apart from my faith goals where I have 4). This way when I look at my goals, I don’t feel overwhelmed and having few gives me the ability to make in depth plans on how to achieve them.
3. Be Measurable.
Let your goals be measurable, because this way at the end of the year when you look back to see how you did, you can have tangible results. For example, under my business goals, I have the goal to reach 500 followers on my blog and this is measurable because at the end of the year, I can look at my blog followers and see how well I did. Under academics, for another example, I have the goal to study an hour everyday separate to the time I spend doing coursework. This is different from saying “at the end of the year, I want to study more” because I could study for one second more and call that an achievement and it’s also not very accountable because at any given day I could study for 5 minutes and tell myself I’m accomplishing my goal but 5 minutes won’t really make any difference (to me personally) in what I’ve learnt.
4. Put your goals everywhere.
Put your goals everywhere and I mean it, everywhere. It’s very easy to forget things in the world we live in, there is so much information floating around catching our attention that we forget things so easily. It’s very easy to write the goals and then put them in a journal that you’re never going to open until the end of the year. Write these goals and put them in places you look at often (your mirrors, your refrigerator, maybe as your wallpaper on your phone, at your desk) put it everywhere and even if you do get desensitised to it and you dont notice yourself reading it, it is still in your brain subconsciously.
5. Switch up the wording.
If you are moving some of your goals from last year into this year, I would suggest that you change the wording or add something to it to make it interesting and new. You don’t want to start of the year bored of your goals is essentially what I am trying to say.
If your goal for the last ten years has been to lose tummy fat, switch up the words, you could for example do your research as to what types of food increases fat building around your stomach and set yourself a challenge to stay away from those foods.(I am not saying that you should quit eating bread or dairy or whatever it is, as I’m not a dietitian I can’t make those claims), what I am saying is, do your research and set a challenge for yourself. You might not quit anything but instead decide to do a workout catered to abs and weight loss a certain amount of times per week, I don’t know, that’s at your discretion.
Those are my tips for goals and I hope that this really helps everyone achieve their goals this year! Let me know what some of your goals are and how you plan on achieving them. Don’t forget to like, comment and follow and come back next week Wednesday for another post!
Have a blessed day,
Lots of love,
How is it going? good? that’s good.
I’ve decided I’m gonna do a series called OVER weight which follows my weight journey. This was supposed to be one blog post but I realised I have a lot to say so it’s gonna be a 3 part series. The next one is gonna go in depth with my relationship with food but this one is more about how it all began and where I’m at now.
Today’s topic is gonna be a hard hitting one but let’s not make it awkward though. Let’s remember that this was then and now is now and I’m more than good now. I think it’s good to talk about these things because someone might be going through it right now and they might see or read something like this and feel better.
Anyway so back then, I didn’t really have a good relationship with my weight, not anyone’s fault, there was no childhood trauma that made me rely on food as a crutch, I had a really great childhood. When I was really young, I did not enjoy eating and it was a struggle for my parents to get me to eat but I had a really bad sweet tooth so it wasn’t long before I started putting on weight.
I don’t remember weight being an issue for me until I got into primary school.
Kids were vicious and I’m not going to play the victim card because I know I was vicious too so again, it was no one’s fault. I got picked on a lot because of my weight (I wore glasses as well so that didn’t really help my situation). I left the school and things got better because I went to a new school where I was appreciated and my weight wasn’t made fun of but the damage had already been done.
My weight became my touchy subject and I always saw myself as overweight even when I wasn’t.
I moved countries and became even more aware of my weight, I had lost most of my baby fat by then but I could not shake off the feeling of being overweight. I remember a girl, my friend, poked my stomach once through my hoodie and I shrinked, I didn’t want her to feel my big stomach. Holland was good for me though, we ate very healthy and biked everywhere, I was probably my most fit then.
It got worse when we moved again though, this time to Aberdeen. Biking didn’t really happen anymore because we took the bus, I had friends again and a wide variety of unhealthy places to go out to eat, we still ate healthy at home though. It got worse because all I could see was how overweight I was (even though I wasn’t really..) and gaining weight was my biggest fear. I used to hate my body, I have this memory of just staring at myself in the mirror and looking at my thighs (so cliche) and just feeling so ugly.
I wanted to be skinny but I couldn’t, I would eat unhealthy things or just too much and then feel guilty then I would try to make myself throw up the food so atleast it wouldn’t be in my stomach (it never stuck, thank God) but I couldn’t get myself to throw up. Now I like to think that it was God helping me out but back then I did not see it like that. I frequently asked if I was gaining weight and I thought, if I could just be thinner then I would be attractive so I would run heavily for two weeks at a time, give up, eat a ton of junk food, feel bad, run again for two weeks and it was a constant cycle.
I would watch youtube videos with girls that looked thin (not on purpose, that’s just what they looked like) then I’d google how to get a flat stomach in 2 weeks.
I just wanted to be thin. I just wanted to be thin fast.
I went to a church camp, came back and I remember looking at myself in the mirror a few weeks after and not feeling that hate that I felt and that was probably the beginning of the end.
It took me a while to learn to exercise not for other people but for myself, and it wasn’t really until this year that I learnt to exercise for health rather than out of desperation.
There are still times when I look at myself when I was younger and feel upset because I was thinner then, there are still times when I binge out and then feel extremely guilty and frustrated at myself.
I’ve learned to appreciate myself through it all though and I’ve seen that growth in myself. Last month I think, I put one of my old graduation dresses on and I couldn’t zip it up all the way, if that were me even just at the beginning of the year, that would have pushed me into despair, I would be upset and sad and disappointed. This time, I was sad for a few minutes, I took off the dress and put it away and decided that if I wanted to fit in that dress again, I had to do it healthily through exercise and good food. It might not happen in a week or a month but through persistence and consistency.
I’m not gonna lie and say I’m no longer affected, if I’m being honest, gaining weight is still a big, big fear. Sometimes I catch myself not eating because I want to lose weight but I know now that, that does not help.
So what changed?
I began to see exercise as something you did for yourself, I see the joy in working out. I’m gonna sound like a #GymLad right now but I feel so good after getting a good work out, to me working out is an easy way to achieve goals. If I tell myself I want to run on the threadmill for 20 minutes and my body surprises me and I run for 30 minutes, I feel proud, I feel happy, I dance around the gym (depending on how many people are there)
I actually enjoy eating healthy. I like the way I feel when I have a salad or when I exercise self control and cook instead of getting a takeaway.
It is something that takes a while especially if you’ve been made fun of as a kid for being fat, that’s the kind of thing that sticks to you but I think once you realize that weight isn’t something that chains you down, you can lose it if you want to, sure it takes effort but you can do it.
Only when you learn to admire yourself, can you really begin to admire yourself in motion. It’s only when you appreciate your legs that you can really love how strong they feel when they’re running and you’ll learn to love the pain because it reminds you that you DID THAT.
Am I still gonna see pretty thin girls, or pretty curvy girls on my instagram and feel bad?
Yea, maybe a little but I’ll remind myself that my body is great too and so is everyone’s. It’s kept me moving this far, it’s taken you from point a to b for this long, there’s beauty in that.
It also helps that the maker of the heavens and earth loves and cherishes me the way I am 🙂
But yeah, this is part one. See you next week Wednesday for part two.
Have a blessed week,
Lots of love,
I haven’t done this in a while and it almost feels foreign, which is kind of sad. The days fly by so fast and before you know it, it’s 3 am a week before your semester exams and you’re half way through second year? It’s all a bit mad.
First, a quick update.
I don’t really know what to say, I guess I’m still transitioning into myself and that’s fine. I definitely do see growth in the way I act and in the way I respond to things, there aren’t massive changes but I know they are steps in the right direction. Rome wasn’t built in a day and even though my slow pace can be frustrating at times, I know I will get to where I need to get to eventually.
I also had dinner with my friends last week, where I attempted to make Nigerian food and we spoke about Christianity and it was good, I think good chats came out of it but we’ll leave the rest in the hands of God.
I have exams literally next week, next week Tuesday. Don’t start.
Anyway, I’ve been noticing that as December is approaching, people seem to be burning out. I’ve heard a lot of complaints about tiredness and overthinking and going through it. Personally, I think it’s the year coming to an end and exams and everything seems to be taking its toll.
I was watching a video and at the end of it, the person says “You’re doing great” and I honestly almost started crying and I instantaneously felt better, it was then that I realised no one really says that anymore. When was the last time you told someone that they were doing great? When was the last time someone told you, you were doing great?
I think, as people, we’ve become so good at acting and so good at deciding for others. We’ve become so good at acting because we go on pretending as if everything is okay and as if we are perfectly perfect when we aren’t so no one ever thinks to give us any sort of reassurance. We’ve become so good at deciding for other people in that, we see someone and we instantly think they do not want or need reassurance.
I’m here to tell you that I am so proud of you.
You’ve come so far from when you first began and I see it even when you don’t and I am so so proud of you for that.
I love watching the person you’re becoming, and even though you are tired and feeling a bit or very burned out and everything just seems like noise.
You are so loved and so appreciated and so well looked upon by your friends and family and you might be feeling lonely right now, but listen to me, you aren’t. Trust me you are not. You have your friends and you have your family and you have me, always!
You may be feeling like you’re not beautiful or you are not attractive or smart or nobody loves you, but listen to me, you are beautiful.
You are beautiful and okay so maybe I don’t know what you look like but do you know what I know? I know that you’re beautiful in your soul, in your heart, in the thing that keeps you alive, you are beautiful there. You may not be able to see it, but the people around you do.
Maybe you’re not in a relationship and everyone around you is, so you feel like you’re not good enough, but you are. You don’t want to be with just anybody, you want to be with someone who loves you, every single bit of you, not just you when you look attractive but also you at 6 am in the morning when you haven’t taken a shower in 3 days (please take a shower) and don’t know what you’re doing with your life and you’re not going to find that in just anybody, it takes time. You take time. You are so worth that time.
You might not feel smart because everyone around you seems to be getting better grades than you, even though you try your hardest and you’re just tired. Listen, you are smart and maybe it takes you a little bit more effort than everyone else, that doesn’t make you stupid. You are smart and it’s okay if you’re smart in a different way, that’s still smart.
Please stop hating yourself.
You don’t deserve that.
Get to know yourself more, become friends with you. Do you even know what you like? what are your hobbies? what’s your favourite colour?
Get to know you, I’m sure you’ll surprise yourself.
Like I said Rome wasn’t built in a day, no good relationship just happens like that. A relationship with you is just like any other relationship, it needs time and nurturing. Become acquaintances first, talk about the weather and all that boring stuff then hang out with yourself, take yourself to see a movie, take a walk, talk to yourself.
You’re doing so well, my love. Be proud of yourself.
tldr: You’re doing great.
You’re doing so, so well.
Recommended song to listen with post: It is well (live) by Kirsten Dimarco, Bethel Music
Greater things by Mack Brock
I am buzzing lads.
I don’t even have time for my usual greeting, I am way too excited for that.
Y’all notice anything different though?
ANYTHING AT ALL?
WE HAVE A DOMAIINNNNNN
I know! I KNOW!
I can’t believe that I’ve actually done it guys, like ugh join me in thanking God. I didn’t even think I was going to do it today! It’s currently 2:40 AM and I’m sat in this cute little nook I made for myself, sniffling in my satin pyjamas and I need to go to bed so I’ll finish this blog post off tomorrow but I just wanted to say that God did it.
On October 27th, 2:30 AM in the morning, Gedo made her very first investment towards her blog. On this day, she went from .wordpress.com to just .com. SHOOKETH.
Okay bed time now.
So it’s a reasonable time now and I’m finishing up this post, still sniffling in my satin pyjamas. I just wanted to say that this is feels like a big milestone, just a couple weeks ago I finally hit 100 followers (currently on 112 now) and it feels like things are coming together.
I know this post is extremely jumbled up and definitely not a”perfect” post but honestly not all posts will be. I am far from being the “perfect” “put together” human being that people on social media love to be, and honestly I don’t know if I ever want my posts to be all perfect and fancy and put together and lacking personality, do you know what I mean?
My blog posts are me and when people read them I want the experience to feel like a conversation with their best friend, I want people to feel like they are getting a bit of me, and I want them to feel like “oh well she doesn’t seem perfect and she’s doing it, so maybe I can too”.
Anyway, I am going way off topic but I guess what I’m trying to say is, even though this blog will continue to improve and get cuter and bigger, I’m going to try really hard to make sure it stays sincere, honest and raw.
So yea, cheers to .com.
Have a blessed day,
Lots of love,
This one is straight from my journal and I feel like since we are all friends here I can share, and I know this does not pertain to ALL the guys in the world and all of that, but yea I wont continue to explain myself so I don’t ruin the magic for you.
So enjoy, this is “to all the girls that are yet to fall”
My dearest love,
You will be lost but you will find yourself again
so tuck your hair behind your ear and be strong.
The first boy will be…..a boy
He will know the right words to say
and kiss you softly on the lips
He will leave a warm smile on your face
and make you feel like the only girl
but you are not.
and the reason he has all the right words is because he has practiced them
The second boy will be quiet
He is shrouded in mystery
and he never answers questions directly
He doesn’t talk much
Yet he has mastered the language of the eyes
He will tell you he wants you
and needs you
and loves you
all without speaking
He will make you feel like words are useless
but you will soon come to realise the repetition in his language
and you will begin to wonder if his mystery is just another word for nothing.
The third boy will be your favourite boy.
He is everyone’s favourite.
He will make you laugh till you bend
With him, everything is new, everything is bright, everything is an adventure.
With him all sorrows are forgotten and all worries are lost.
But soon the jokes will no longer be funny
and you’ll try to find something concrete
Something you can grasp on to but it’ll all be dust
as things that are forgotten can be remembered and things that are lost can always be found.
Now the fourth boy, you’ll know to run away from yet he will draw you like a LIGHT attracts a MOTH.
He will smell of smoke, risk and expensive perfume
It will scare you but it will be so exhilarating.
He will paint pictures of Paris, London, Milan to you and drink the most expensive champagne to your name
You will argue.
At first, it’ll be one of the things you love about him but then it’ll become all that you do.
Soon Paris will no longer be as beautiful and la vie en rose will be a sad, sad song.
The last boy.
The one right under your nose.
You will ask him how his day was and he will tell you.
He will cuddle you and ask you if you got home safe.
He will kiss the tears of your eyelids and hold your hand as you rant to him about how bad your day was.
It will be so easy and you won’t know what to do because you’ve always been on fight mode
You’ve always been on try hard mode
Ride or die mode
Ride until it dies mode
and it always dies mode.
It might not be explosive.
but he will be good to you.
and that will be just fine.
It’s ya girl next door, how are you? (My flatmates are currently getting ready to go out and I can hear them discussing outfits, s/o to you sisters)
So it’s been very quiet on my end lately, both social media, youtube and blogging wise that’s because I have in fact moved back into University for my second year and I am currently juggling 2 jobs, education, social life and good life habits and let me tell you something it is not easy. I like it though I feel like now I have less time for idleness.
Anyway, my August recap, I feel like August was a really good month for me, I drew closer to God and was able to stick to the tasks I wanted to stick to. It’s hard to believe that summer is over though, a bit mad isn’t it?
I have decided that I am going to re-invent myself to become a better woman and to be have and portray myself in the way that God wants me to be and it’s a lot easier said than done especially at University when there is so much going on all at one time, you’re working and you’re making sure you’re eating right and seeing your friends and deadlines but I am really going to try my best to be the best I can be.
I think I might start doing something like a goal of the month where I set one goal for different categories in my life and blog about it to let you know how it goes.
How would you guys feel about that?
I’ve also been thinking about my purpose, and I think I might know what it is finally. Funnily enough, it was written in one of my old agendas and I read it and remembering thinking wow, 12 year old me had such a strong sense of purpose, because I wrote it down so well and beautifully that I feel like it couldn’t have been me that thought of it.
I will write about it when God has given me 100% confirmation but I feel as though that is what it is.
I am going to sign out now because I need to write out a grocery list for this weekend as well as meal prep ideas, then I need to read and write out some notes, respond to some emails AND come up with a schedule so that my days are as productive but spaced out as possible. The whole point is so to be productive, not burnt out.
Thank you for reading and let me know what your goals are for the month of September.
Have a blessed day,
Lots of love,
How are you? I know I haven’t written on this blog in what feels like a while, but I have just been really busy lately. I am going back to University very soon (yupp, summer came and went so quickly) so I’ve been preparing for that.
I know a lot of people, like me, will be preparing for University so I thought I would make a guide to make your moving in as easy and as stress free as possible.
When I moved into halls during first year, I definitely took a lot of things, games, bits and bobs, decoration pieces that I felt were cute but in retrospect, all they did was take space and collect dust. Try to pack minimally, there is nothing wrong with a few decorative pieces here and there to make your room feel homely but do you really need two rugs?
2. You don’t need to take all your clothes.
The closet space at University tends to be smaller than what you’re used to and there is a big likelihood you’ll buy more things whilst you are there so don’t take all of your clothes with you no matter how tempted you are to do so, I would suggest taking 1/3 of your current closet.
3. Remember that this isn’t your forever home.
Remember that you will be packing up all your stuff again at the end of (1st year) so don’t fill it up with big furniture and big plants because you will have to pack it all away again and you do not need that extra hassle, trust me.
4. Keep the boxes.
I know this isn’t the most aesthetically pleasing suggestion but try to keep some of the boxes you used perhaps under your bed or on top of your closet so that when you move out again at the end of the year, you don’t need to scramble around looking for where to pack your stuff into.
5. Make lists and then make them again.
People always says this, but it is so important to make lists and then make them again! I say make them again because you might forget some things and if you revise your list again you might find some things you don’t need.
I hope this has helped you even if it’s just a little bit!
Make sure to check my youtube channel (theshenarrative) because I will be posting a lot more University content on there!
Have a blessed weekend,
Lots of love,
“What is mankind that you are mindful of them, human beings that you care for them?” Psalm 8:4
How are you? I’ve literally been working on this blog post for a while now, trying to get it right but I’m going to let God take reign and let him tell me what he wants me to write.
Basically, I wanted to speak about God’s love because I feel like sometimes we forget, sometimes we get so wrapped up in the mediocrities of life that we forget about the wider picture, the blessings, God even.
I was at church a couple weeks back for a programme called peniel, it’s held every year during the summer and this year was my first time attending. One of the preachers in the programme said something along the lines of, God sits of the throne with millions of angels who praise him perfectly, exactly as they should yet when one person, one person who’s voice cannot even match the quality of your favourite singers much less the angels, God tells them to stop so he can listen to that one person. Can you imagine a love like that? telling a great room of the best singing you have ever heard in your life to stop singing so you can hear one human voice?
Who am I that God should love me? the creator of things that I cannot even begin to understand, who created the dots on strawberries and causes dew to fall on the grass in the early morning, who am I that he should love me?
“Greater love has no one than this; to lay down one’s life for one’s friends” John 15:13
It’s hard to understand this because as humans we’re a bit selfish, although we boast about loyalty and “ride or dies” when it comes to it, there would only be a small population of people who would actually die for their friends. Do you know who did? and who would again a 100 million times if he had to? Jesus Christ. Did you know that the night before Jesus died on the cross, his heart was heavy? Do you want to know why? Because he was dreading it. Matthew 26:39 says “Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will but you will” then he goes on to pray “My father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done.” (Matthew 26:42)
Basically he’s saying, “God I dont really want to go through it but if it’s your will for me, if this is what I have to do then I’ll do it”. Have you ever seen such an amazing display of self sacrifice? to first be betrayed by someone you love and called your own and sold for money, then publicly taken away only to have the very person promising he would never deny you, deny you three times, to then have the public choose to free a criminal over you, to carry your cross AND then be nailed to it and be left there for three days whilst the guards make fun of you?
Jesus did all that, for you.
And your parents and your siblings and your friends and your grandparents.
He did it so we could all get a chance to God’s real real children, to be tight with God, to be Gods’ daughters and sons, to be brothers and sisters with Jesus.
He did it, so you could be family.
So do you understand now why the price if you don’t believe in God is so high? someone had to die a despicable death for it.
“The Lord watches over you- the Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.” Psalm 121: 5-6
Soften your hearts and hear me, look at this, the sun will not harm you by day nor the moon by night, look at this love. Do you know what that means? it means that even at your most vulnerable stage, when you are not conscious and when you cannot do anything for yourself, God is protecting you, he is there, his angels are there, they are guarding you and keeping you safe. (Man I’ve teared up so many times with this post)
“The Lord will keep you from ALL harm- he will watch over your life; the Lord with watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.” Psalm 121: 7-8
Not some, not a few, but ALL, meaning every single harm, and not just today and tomorrow but for ALL of your life. Is that not love? Is that not real love?
“When you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet. Have no fear of sudden disaster or of the ruin that overtakes the wicked, for the lord will be at your side and will keep your foot from being snared” -Proverbs 3: 26
Do you know what he is saying here? he says do not be anxious, he says do not be afraid, I know there are a lot of people who get anxious at night, anxious for life, anxious that they might die in their sleep, anxious that something bad will happen and here God is, God is “saying hey, hey listen, don’t worry about that, don’t be anxious about that, I got your back, just sleep, I got you”. Is that not real love?
What do you know about the God that leaves 99 sheep for the one that was left behind? What do you know about the God that says bring ALL of your burdens to me and take my own because mine is lighter? (I’m crying now) What do you know about the God that says I will carry you on my back and have my wings protect you? What do you know about the God that says “look I know you, I know you inside out, I know your weak points, I know the things you’ve done, I know you’ve said and done some things that hurt me and hurt yourself and the people around you, and even though the people might not have forgiven you, even though you may not have forgiven yourself, I forgive you.
I. Forgive. You.
I forgive you and I still love you.
To me, you are perfect, to me you are whole and you are clean and you are worth it and I love you.”
What do you know about that God? About my God? about Your God?
What do you know about the God that genuinely wants the best for you? That even in times of trial, he holds your hand, he tries to help it be as smooth as possible for you?
What do you know (I am quite literally bawling my eyes out, I’m gonna insert a picture to prove it) about the God that feels your pain? That feels your heaviness? The God that sees you crying in your pillow at 3 AM because your heart hurts and feels that pain?
(crying me x, in this house we love God and cry when we write about him, Alexa play reckless love by Cory Asbury)
I don’t know what people have tried to tell you, I don’t know what you’ve heard or what you’ve read but if you take one thing away from this, I want it to be this;
In all that noise, in all that white noise, people talking, shouting, hustle and bustle, traffic, hardships, heartbreaks, God is there. God is there and he loves you. God sees you and he sees your pain and he pats your back and he says,
“My child, the storm is coming to an end, I’m here, I’m right here. I love you and I’m right here.”
Thank you God.
I could probably write on forever but I need to keep this a readable length.
(It was cloudy and immediately I ended this blog post, the dark clouds went away and the Sun shone, like immediately, if that’s not a sign of someone’s breakthrough, of someone’s rainy days coming to an end then I dont know what is)
Have a blessed day,
Lots of love,
I hope everything is well with you! Mondays can be hard but you’ve got this!
Let’s just jump straight into what we are discussing today, relationships! (juicy..).
So I’ve been completely single, by completely single I mean, no flings, no physical (u know what I mean) contact, not even romantically talking, I’ve just been single. I’ve only had 1 “serious” relationship in my life which ended completely in 2016. From then on, nothing really happened, I spoke to boys but it never really lasted that long. After the last guy I spoke to, I had enough and in an offhandish manner, I told myself that I would spend a year away from boys, and it happened (not necessarily because I was staying away from them lol).
Whilst on this year long break, I discovered quite a lot both generally and specific to me. I thought I’d disclose them..
I realised that feelings can develop unexpectedly, quickly and deeply but one can also fall out of them just as unexpectedly and quickly. This may be the reason why a good amount of people get ghosted, because feelings change quickly and unexpectedly and its easier to ghost someone than explain to them that your feelings have changed and you no longer really want to know them. It’s important to not only use your feelings to guage your interest in someone, use your head as well; if they were wearing a red shirt instead of a black one would you still like them? if you saw them in a different environment like walking on the street, would you go up and talk to them?
2. One hardly regrets relationships that never happened.
Let me explain, you meet someone. You think they’re gorg, you slide into their dms. You have a few conversations, you really “imagine” you two would get on well in a relationship, nothing happens still, the feelings fade and on reflection, you find that actually, you’re quite glad nothing happened because once the rose tinted sunglasses come off, then what?
3. Relationships are overrated but then so is being single.
You know when you see someone drink a coke or you smell cake or you watch someone have a doughnut and for the rest of the day, you crave whatever it is you saw the person have? You’re not hungry or anything, you don’t need the cake, the doughnut or the coke but you crave it and most of the time you eventually give into your craving and get it. That’s almost what it’s like looking at couples on instagram or watching them on youtube or even just seeing your friends in relationships. You actually begin to crave it, even when the last thing you actually need is a relationship and you yourself know it but then you get into one and realise it’s actually a lot of work, usually a lot more work than you have time for/are willing to spend.
Singleness is also overrated, people like to believe that singleness is peace of mind and only having to look after your own needs, which it is to some extent but people tend not to talk about the despicable feeling of feeling unwanted, loneliness and even simple things like wanting to share a meme with someone at the end of the day, or an embarrassing story that happened to you, sometimes even just a hug, a deep and meaningful hug.
I actually learnt quite a lot this year and I could do a part 2 if you wanted me to.
Thank you for reading.
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Have a blessed day,
Lots of love,