I WALKED 20 KM

Hey boos!

How are you all doing? I feel like it’s been a while since I last talked to you, the last upload was an updates blog and I said I would start posting on Mondays and Fridays, that’s starting this week, my creative juices are flowing (it might just be the glass of shloer sat next to me) and I have some great ideas for blogs so keep your eyes peeled.

Anyway, yes, I’m sure you’re wondering….20 km? what? is this clickbait? what are you doing Gedo? I can assure you, this is not clickbait and I did walk 20 km, let’s talk.

What did I do?

I walked 20 km, I left the house at about 6:20 am and returned at about 10 am.

Why did I do it?

I watched a video once on facebook, it was about a girl and she was crying and praying for  the people on the outside world to come to their aid and it really hit me how people like her were suffering, praying that people in other parts of the world would help her whilst I was sitting on my screen doing nothing. I imagined myself in her position and the thought plagued me for a while but I forgot about it under the guise of “I’m thinking about what to do”. Summer came around and the thought crept back, I kept trying to push it away telling myself there was nothing I could do. About a month ago, I finally got up and told myself I was going to do something, I had to do something. So I did.

How did I do it?

I thought about all the things I could possibly do to fundraise and eventually picked walking because I remembered walking 11 km back when I was in middle school to raise money for children (everyone in my class had to do it). I figured since I had already done 11 km, I would 1 up myself and do 20.

I googled how long it would take to walk it and went back and forth before deciding on 20 km. When that had been decided, I downloaded the “map my run” app on my phone and began practicing. Some days I walked 5 km, some days I did 10 km and one time, the week before the day of the walk, I did 12 km.

How did I feel?

I felt very nervous a week before it, I was dreading it a little bit because I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to complete it or that something would go terribly wrong. Not to mention, the night before the day of the walk, I had terrible leg pains on both my legs but I was determined not to let it stop me. I prayed to God to heal my legs, I swallowed 2 ibuprofen tablets and went back to bed and when I woke up 3 hours later, my legs felt as good as new.

How did I feel on the walk?

At first it wasn’t too bad, I bought new running shoes the previous day and they caused my feet to hurt but I was determined not to let that hinder me. After the first 10 km, I  really started to feel it, at 15 km I wanted to cry and was regretting everything. At 18 km, I was limping and singing worship songs because that gave me the energy I needed and distracted me from the fact that I just wanted everything to end. at 20 km, I couldn’t believe I had done it and praised God for everything.

How did I feel after the walk?

I had been praying before the walk that I would feel NO pain in my legs afterwards and I didn’t feel any pain in my legs so God answered my prayers BUT I had chafed badly as you can imagine AND because of my shoes, the heels of my feet as well as the bottom of my toes hurt but I was just glad that I had accomplished it, I said I was going to do something and followed through and did it!

How much did I fundraise?

I fundraised 200 pounds, with the help of my family, my friends and my family’s friends! The link is here if you’re interested in donating.

Would I do it again?

Yes! I plan to some time in the future.

So what now?

RECOVERY SIS RECOVERY!

 

Thank you to everyone who helped with this, whether it was donating money, sharing it with their friends and family or even just educating themselves more on what was happening in Syria. I also want to thank God because he really helped me on this journey more than people will ever know. I also recorded my entire experience, I’m about to edit it so when the video goes live I will place the link here so you can watch it if you want.

Thanks for reading!

Leave a comment if you like.

Have a blessed weekend,

Lots of love,

Gedo xx

What’s going on..?

Hey boos,

This wasn’t the post I had meant to go up today however the post is not completely ready yet and I want it to be as good as it gets before I publish it for you guys so instead you’re going to get an update blog, a spring cleaning blog if you’d prefer.

So let’s get it going shall we?

What’s going on in my life?

First of all, I am doing a 20 km walk on my own accord, all the money will be going to Syria relief, I’ll insert the link (here) and I won’t lie I am very nervous for this walk, I did 12 km today and my legs really hurt but then I think, there’s a whole war going on out there and no one seems to be talking about it or doing anything about it for that matter, this is the least I can do.

I also have a YouTube channel in case y’all didn’t know, I’m inserting that link in (here) so feel free to do your worst (hehe) I post vlogs and I’m about to start making fashion videos so if that’s something you’re looking forward to, you’ll probably enjoy my videos.

What’s going on on this blog?

If you’ve noticed, you’ll realise that I changed the name of my blog from whodatgedogirl to theshenarrative, I prefer it like this because I feel like I’m breaking some sort of barrier. I feel a lot more active, a lot more motivated and a lot more determined to push this blog to better places and greater heights. I’ve also setting update dates again, Mondays and Sundays at 4:30 pm GMT, you heard it here first. (I’m going to be posting on my youtube channel on Tuesdays and Saturdays so that should be cool)

What’s going on in my head?

Honestly, my head is pretty good. I am determined and I am focusing on my own lane, I’m trying to get closer to God and to remember my goals. Sometimes I feel a bit down because I feel as though I don’t have any real friends but then I’m too busy right now to be lonely.

So that’s currently what’s going on with me, what about you? what’s going on with you?

Have a blessed day,

Lots of love,

Gedo xx

a poem to myself

I wrote this poem for a character I was playing in my drama society, but I quite like so I’ve decided to share it. The name of the character was gold by the way, and she was exactly like how this poem sounds.
The click clack of my heels the resounding anthem of my country
Population:
one confident boss woman.
My eyes burn forward steely and hot
I do not look down and
no one dares stare me in the eye
for fear the heat transcending my body in waves
does
not
burn
them
alive.
A walking hurricane
My fingers lie ironically lackadaisically beside me
fully aware of their ability to turn
anything
into
flames.
chipped nails and scaly.
they are the finest pieces of art if you ever saw one.
the story of the woman who was not afraid of
the
dirt
the woman who cried and did not wipe the tears away.
cried? hah. pay attention.
Lips.
Sharp and biting yet warm and sweet as honey
Who dareth stick their hand in the bees nest?
Ungraceful and chaotic.
Sharp.
Strong.
And so refreshing.
Loud and frightful.
Thunder.
You have been warned.
If you liked it, please do not forget to follow, like and comment and follow me on all my social media (keep scrolling down to find the links)
Have a blessed day,
Lots of love,
Gedo xx

The importance of a 100

Hey boos!

It’s finally happened! I am so excited and so happy, I’ve finally hit a 100 (+1) followers on my blog! For a lot of people it might not seem like a big accomplishment but I am very happy about it because it’s quite important to me, let me explain.

I started blogging when I was 12 years old, I got inspired by icarly and wanted a platform of my own. Since then it had just been a cycle, I’d start a blog, stop writing in it after a couple months and start another one. I’ve probably had 6 blogs before this one and none of them lasted very long, instead of focusing on what I had and growing it, I kept looking for something better. I actually started this blog because I was feeling depressed and needed some kind of creative outlet to let off steam and basically talk about people behind their backs (lol).

Having 100 followers to me means finally being able to decide on a goal, stick to it no matter how long it takes and actually accomplishing it. Having a 100 followers is almost to me, like a testament to my growth. I am no longer that girl who saw hard work and ran, who instead of working on her garden would look for one that was already made.

It’s taken me a long time to decide what my niche is; when I started this blog, I took the form of a fashion and style blogger but I soon realised that that really wasn’t for me, that’s not the kind of thing I want to post about. So here I am, 100 (and 1) followers later and carving a niche for myself and honestly I’m happy with it and  I thank God.

I geniunely believe that now I’m at this point, it can really only go up from here and it will so ride on 1000, I’m coming for you!

To celebrate, I’ve included some clip ons I’ve written from years ago, enjoy! (the first two are from 2012 and the second from 2015, oh dear)

Captureoldpostsoldpic2

(Be prepared for some changes coming to this blog, huehue)

Have a blessed week,

Lots of love,

Gedo xx

The Aftermatt -pt 3 & 4

March- Absentmindedness

I make tea.
It tastes funny.
April – Depression 
The tears continue to stream down my eyes. Sleep seems lonelier now.
It doesn’t matter, I don’t want to sleep anyway. It seems like I don’t know how to.
I hope that if I don’t go to sleep then perhaps the day last longer and if the day last longer that is one less day that I have to get ready to go on without him.
I am falling apart and I know it.
I want to switch off. I wish I could switch off. Every breathe feels like an arrow to the heart. I haven’t used my phone in days, there is no point. How can I touch my phone knowing that the last time I touched it, I was with him. Knowing that we made plans on that device, we declared love on it.
His face is on my screen.
His face is on my mind.
I want to switch off.
Another wave of showers

Dispensable and Dispense-ABLE

Hey boos,

How are you all doing??

I know, I know, I know, and like the prodigal son I return but I promise you I haven’t been spending your money on girls and gambling and alcohol (atleast I don’t think I have), it’s just that when you slip off the rock, even just a little, you become too lazy to climb it again, that has been what has been happening to me, even with my youtube I’ve been slipping a little but it has given me some time to think.

I’ve been thinking about friendships and how it works and I’ve come to realise how strong yet inherently weak a connection can be, hear me out. At the end of the day, you are dispensable and dispense-able.

This is primarily for the people who are currently in a toxic relationship or have currently been broken up with and feel like they can’t move on or like they will never be able to find a connection like the one they just lost/about to lose.

Listen babe, there are 7 billion people in the world, you could speak to thousands of people every single day and still not speak to everyone in the world. There will always be someone else who can give you the same connection, maybe even better, it’s just down to you finding each other, say you don’t want to leave because you’ve known each other for years, you will find someone else who can give you that time back. When you think about relationships from that perspective, it leaves you with a sense of ambivalence, you’re happy because it means that you can leave that toxic relationship with the knowledge that there is something out there better for you however it leaves a sense of sadness and dread because it means that you are dispensable.

I think the reason why a lot of people find it hard letting go is because they focus on the other person, they make that person their world and forget that there is a whole world out there and that’s a good thing when the relationship is a stable and healthy but once it turns toxic it seems as though we are stuck in that mindset, completely stuck in their world, it’s in those times that we need to broaden our scope and remember that there is a whole world out there, we just need to look up and see it.

I have a lot in the works guys and I’m really going to try and conquer my self-sabotaging self (something else I’m going to talk about) so I can feel get myself where I should be.

Thank you for reading.

Have a blessed weekend,

Lots of love,

Gedo xx

 

The Aftermatt

Hey boos,

I completely forgot about blogging yesterday! Sorry friends but I’m back now with the second part of The AfterMatt, enjoy!

February- Despair

My roommate smiles at me as I enter the room, I smile back. She does not notice and I do not expect her to. She chats on about her lectures, how she can never understand what he’s talking about and does not understand why she bothers going everyday, she informs me that she is going home on Friday and to kindly water her plants whilst she is gone, Freddie, the tall plant needs to be watered in the morning, she has placed his nutrition powder next to the sugar and Carla her smaller plant needs to be watered on Saturday, she’ll write me a schedule because she knows I will forget. She reminds me that we have run out of tissue paper and milk.
I remember that Matt and I do grocery shopping on Saturdays.
I can feel myself slowly disintegrating. It starts from my stomach. A sharp drop, like someone has dropped a cement block in it. Then my heart stirs, that too is a sharp pain, unexpected and violent. I feel my ears heat up and a small almost undetectable prick in my eyes, I blink, the tears fall.
I don’t bother wiping my tears or controlling the sobbing sounds coming from my mouth, it’s better she is exposed to it now, she can get used to it faster.

 

Let me know what you think!

Have a blessed day,

Lots of love,

Gedo xx

down with perfection

Hey boos,

How are you?

So I’m currently on my 4th day? 5th day? of my project to produce content every day and I think it’s going alright? I’m especially enjoying vlogging so that’s pretty great.

Today, I want to talk about the media and content creators on the media (I’m saying, in general, okay, not everyone is going to be the same) but I think there is a certain lack of rawness when it comes to social media, vloggers, Instagram models, and influencers they all give the impression that life is perfect and scripted which is not how youtube began. I was watching a talk by JacksGap, if you don’t know who he is then google him lol, it was a talk that really inspired me and he starts off by talking about how the thing that attracted him to youtube was how “real” and “raw” it was and how content was “scripted” or “sexy” and it got me thinking because that’s almost exactly what youtube is nowadays, it’s what social media is nowadays, everyone trying to portray their “perfect” life with “perfect white teeth” and “perfect clothing” and “perfect friends” doing “perfect activities” whilst suffering in silence, he goes on to talk about how the pressure of having a big youtube channel got to him and he used to go to bed and cry every night because he didn’t know what to do. This story tends to be consistent amongst youtubers or social media influencers who can no longer bear the weight of their pretense.

It’s not like I blame them either, because that essentially is what the people want to see, whether we want to admit it or not, people like to see perfection, we like to see pretty things, we like to see people with expensive things, it’s a love-hate relationship. We try to pick them apart to make ourselves feel better but at the same time go back every week to see what they’re doing, we’re also curious beings, we want to know what the next person is doing at every moment.

Which is why I ask for us to be more appreciative of rawness, to be more welcoming of people who aren’t “perfect”, and to accept people for who they are behind the filter.

What do you think? Let me know..

Have a blessed day,

Lots of love,

Gedo xx

What’s in my draft 3

Hey boos

Here’s a what’s in my draft, I think this might be the third one I’ve posted on this page, I’m not sure. Anyway, this one is titled “The AfterMatt”  which is a 13 part poetry/story series that I’ve actually completed. I don’t know, for some reason I’m actually quite proud of this one.

So here you go, you’re reading “The AfterMatt”

JANUARY -SHOCK
He doesn’t need to say anything.
I can tell.
He tries to hide it, maybe he thinks I don’t notice. I watch him as he moves things around. he starts by rearranging the magazines on the table before deciding he does not want them on the table and puts them on the floor.
I brace myself.
He fluffs the pillows and folds the blanket lying carelessly on the floor.
I feel like I am being marched to the guillotine, I try to pull a brave face. I grin at him and blow him a kiss. I am a martyr not a criminal.
He grins back and it’s almost real, but it lasts too long.
In psychology there is this term called affective forecasting, the process by which people predict their emotional reactions to future events. 
He finally sits opposite me, he does not look at me.
I am aware of our toes slightly touching.
I am aware that I am leaning towards him and he is slouched against the chair.
I am aware that the loud but small clock I got him from his birthday is not ticking.
People routinely overestimate the joys of falling in love. 
I don’t know where I get the courage to speak.
“It’s not working is it”
and the pain of falling out of it. 
My voice does not shake.
He looks at me, not surprised or shocked at all. He just casts me a sad smile and shakes his head.
“I’ve been preparing but dreading this day. I wrote a whole draft. Liza, I-” his voice freezes in his throat.
I smile.
It’s ironic.
I get up to leave.
The walk to his door is longer than I remember it.
I feel like I am being marched to the guillotine.
“I’m sorry.”
 I try to pull a brave face.
“I’m sorry too.”
I am a martyr not a criminal.

growing pains

Hey boos,

Yes I’m back to the “hey boos” that is something I can NEVER get rid of, that’s my thing now. How has your day been going? Mine has been going pretty well, I got up really early today, 6 AM to be exact and I haven’t taken a nap yet even though I’m really tired.

Anyway enough about me (funny cause all I’m going to do for the rest of this blog is talk about…well..me..) I’ve decided to do something quite scary but at the same time really exciting this summer, I’m going to churn out content every day for a month this summer, well churn out content every day for the whole summer but I’m telling myself a month because that’s easier for my brain to comprehend. I really hope I do this and don’t just give up after 3 days, so make sure you come back to this place everyday for content!

Today I’m going to be discussing something that I’ve really been noticing about myself this year and that’s the feeling of change, I can feel myself slowly changing and I can’t lie it’s a bit of an uncomfortable feeling because it’s not something that can be easily explained. I can feel myself changing, I can feel my thoughts little by little, I am very very slowly becoming the type of person I want to be.

I can feel my thoughts changing extremely slowly from wanting popularity and wanting every single person to love me and want to be my friend to wanting success in my future, to wanting my children to have the best in life. I realize that the things that used to make me very upset, still make me upset but just not as much as it usually would. Let me give you an example, in my psychology class I can confidently say I have NO friends, I come into class, I sit alone, I take my notes, close my laptop and leave and younger me would have hated it, younger me would have tried to force people to make friends with but now I actually prefer not knowing anyone, I love walking into class without feeling the pressure of “oh I don’t really feel like talking to anyone today but I don’t want to be rude..” When I first got into University, the fact that I didn’t have any friends in my psychology class really bothered me but now I just do not care. I also don’t really mind that much when people don’t invite me to things, I mean it still stings a little but I don’t dwell on it like I would have when I was younger.

I find myself being attracted to and being drawn to people that are successful and are dedicated in helping other people succeed, I just keep finding myself attracting stuff like that even when I try to avoid it because 1. Self-help books bore me and 2. Watching people who are more successful than me makes me feel like I’m not, yet it just seems to attract me whether through a video format or an Instagram ad or just something.

I feel like there is something great stirring inside but I’m not sure what it is or how to wake it up properly.

I’ve been thinking a lot about my accomplishments and how I don’t really have that much (heheh) but that is going to change soon, and how I want to make my parents proud and make all the sacrifices they’ve made worth it, I want them to be able to say with full confidence that it was all worth it in the end.

I also find myself becoming more aware when it comes to achieving goals, I’m no longer just writing out resolutions for the new year and never looking at them again, I’m actually trying this time, researching, failing but getting back up again and not giving up. An example of this would be that I’ve always wanted to be someone who was organized and woke up early in the morning and had money and ate well and had a good relationship with God, day by day I’m getting more aware about what I eat, I’m trying to read more books about God, I’m setting alarms and looking at my goals and just actually trying this time.

I suppose it’s all just to do with maturing and growing, I just never knew that you could be aware of the maturing process.

But that’s just my opinion.

Let me know if you feel like this, if you’re at this point where you can feel yourself growing and what does it feel like to you?

Have a blessed day,

Lots of love,

Gedo xx