Why the CU keep offering you free toasties. -An Atheists’ guide to Christian friends.

Hey boos,

This blog post is for my non-christian friends all over the globe who have christian friends and don’t understand what’s going on with them half the time, don’t worry I’ve got you.

So you’ve got one of these pesky Christians haven’t you? Always sharing something Jesus related on your feed amongst your memes, constantly inviting you for free food with subtle connotations of God chat, and let’s not even get started on the controversial beliefs that you both know they have but both pretend aren’t there. Also, what’s with this glow that they always have? Even. When. They. Are. Sad. Now that the ball is rolling, how on earth do they believe we were created? Helloooo, Evolution.

My name is Gedo Yamusa, your friendly online Christian and I’m here to give you some inside scoops on the thoughts going on in the head of your in-house friendly neighbourhood Christian. 

First of all, just like the whole “one size fits all” trend came and died because we realised, quite quickly, that not one size actually fits all, there is no “one size fits all” for Christians eithe.We come in all different shapes and sizes, all with different personalities and even beliefs. Some of us are baby Christians, some of us have been Christians since we came out of the womb, some of us were Christians and then we weren’t and now we’re Christians, some of us (wait for it..) aren’t even Christians yet (You’ll get there, I see you, right there at the back, don’t be shy, Jesus is knocking, you best open that door). You’ll probably meet many different Christians and they might not have the same ideas as the one outlined in this post and that’s okay, feel free to ask them questions on things they do that you don’t understand, they’ll probably be more than happy to explain it to you!

So why do Christians keep talking about God all the time? Are they trying to shove it down people’s throats?

Well, here’s one thing you must understand about the Christian. Take away God out of the Christian, and the Christian is nothing.

God is their life.

That might sound scary to you because well, as far as you know, your life is your own and you can’t imagine something else being your life. However the Christian understands and accepts that God has blessed them with this life, it’s a gift, but it’s also a gift that they cannot control and a gift they can’t take care of themselves, for example when a parent gives a young child a puppy as a present, the child cant control that puppy and most of the time it’s the parent that ends up taking care of the puppy.

(Where was I going with this?)

Yes, why do Christians talk about God all the time. Frankly, because they understand that without God, they wouldn’t be where they were. They would be way worse off and they probably were before they accepted God into their life. If you had your life changed wouldn’t you be shouting it from the rooftops? Wouldn’t you want your friends in on it too? It’s free, it’s got a lifetime warranty with the added bonus of Heaven for eternity.

And now you’re thinking, yea but Gedo, all that stuff doesn’t exist. This God stuff, it’s not real. You guys have just made it up cause it sounds nice and easy.

Well that’s going into real deep territory bud, I think that’d be a great conversation to have with your Christian. My explanation might not make sense to you but I’ll give it a shot. I know that God is real for 2 main reasons.

a. I know how I was before and how I am now, none of that could have been me. There is no way, something absolutely external had to have come into my heart and changed me because I could not have done it.

b. I look at the everyday miracles around; I’m really drawn to nature, I look at the skies, the trees, the mountains and I just can’t accept that that wasn’t made by God.

I know these aren’t as “scientific” or “evidence-filled” as you would probably like but many really smart people have written really smart books about this and I know a bunch of Christians that have read these books and for themselves compared the evidence for God’s existence and for God’s not existing, and well, they’re Christians now aren’t they?

Lemme let you in a little secret as well; being a Christian is not easy and it doesn’t feel nice all the time. Actually it’s kinda difficult sometimes. The world essentially hates you, people always questioning you and your beliefs and making you the enemy, I mean men in the Bible (which is a genuine historical account) died for this and Christians are still dying for this.

It’s not easy.

Yet we have a God who gives us the things we need to help us with these issues.

And now you’re saying, but you just said being a Christian was good.

Yea well, easy doesn’t mean good now does it? neither does good mean easy.

So we keep talking away about God because he’s the best thing that has ever happened to us and we want you to get on that. We invite you to all these things not because we want to force you into the church. We genuinely want you to just come along and see what’s up, obviously we want you to experience God for yourself but we aren’t going to hate you if you don’t. We are honestly extremely excited if we get so much as a “That was actually fun”. We’re just as stressed about this whole thing as you are, do you know how much Godly boldness and courage it took us to ask you in the first place? Don’t let that confident smile fool you, We’ve been thinking about this for a while.

If your Christian friend invites you to church next time, please don’t freak out. 9/10 it’s not as solemn and silent as you remember it to be, no one is going to look at you weirdly because you aren’t singing, no one expects you to pray, no one is going to judge you for not knowing where the chapter everyone is flipping to is (I don’t even know that) If you don’t want to go, decline. They’ll probably keep asking so go when you feel comfortable enough to and if you do want to go and they haven’t asked you yet, just ask them, they’re probably just scared. Remember also, just like clothes and Christians, Churches aren’t one size fits all, different churches have different personalities so just because you went to a really boring one when you were little, doesn’t mean you’ll have that same experience again.

The God chat? Just go with it, they just want to know where you’re at. Be honest but don’t be rude or disrespectful and I’m sure they will endeavour to do the same. Feel free to agree to disagree but let’s not stoop to name calling okay?

Which leads me to the next thing; the controversial opinions. Welp, sorry pal but those are staying. The bible is the bible is the bible is the bible, as I like to say,(…in my head)These are all good chats that your christian would probably love to have with you but are too scared (As you can probably understand why). Listen to what they have to say, you’ll probably disagree. Is this a fun and easy conversation starter? No but it’s a good conversation and you’ll never understand if you don’t talk so let’s keep it civilised. Will you change their mind? probably not. Will they change yours? Let us know how it goes. 

This is all not to say that the Christian community condemns you. We can condemn no one.

I know some people have unfortunately led with hate rather than with love which have given the impressions that Christians hate, we do not. We might not support the decisions made but you will not be shunned or treated like an outsider. You’ll learn soon, if you stick around long enough that Christian and controversy sometimes are hand in hand.

Jesus said some controversial things too back in the day. 

Does your Christian make you feel judged? useless? do you feel like they are treating you with contempt? disgust? or just being plain horrid? I think that’s a point to raise with them. We are not perfect people and sometimes it might feel like we are being judgemental but we really really really don’t want to do that, we honestly just want to help. Bring it up with them, talk about it and whenever you feel like they’re doing that, let them know.

Now let’s talk about this glow, the Godly glow. You know the one I’m talking about. That light? How does your Christian just seem so calm and even when they’re freaking out, they still seem kinda calm? Even when you absolutely dig into them with the toughest religious question you could probably think of to trip them up, they still seem kinda unscathed? That’s some real in the flesh God Glow baby. God scrubs us up so good on the inside that it actually starts showing on the outside, it’s almost the opposite of what the world teaches, scrub up on the outside and you’ll feel good on the inside. Pretty cool stuff ya feel?

The creation stuff, honestly man, I don’t know. I do not know. And yeah, your Christian may not have the answers all the time to your questions, and if they’re honest, which they should be, they should be able to say that.

I don’t know. All I know is that God said he created the earth and honestly, Imma believe it.

And before you write me off for just “believing blindly”. Think about all the things you’ve believed for granted. Maybe the belief that God doesn’t exist? You say science, but has science actually shown that God doesn’t exist or do you just believe that it has? Have you got the proof? Evolution. Have you read about the experiments? Do you actually know what you think you know, or do you just believe it cause everyone else does? 

Right now that we’ve successfully thrown you into an existential crisis, I suppose we can now conclude?

I think what your big take-away from this should be is that your Christian loves you and the God that your Christian believes in, loves you the most. You think your parents love you? Dude, Jesus literally died for you. Like he literally died. He died so that you wouldn’t have to. He died so that wrongdoings could be forgiven and forgotten, so that guilt can be taken away and so that peace can be brought to you.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.- John 14:27

We just want you to know that, so you can now actually start really living the best life you’ve been called to live.

Oh, there I am talking about God again.

Man, us Christians can’t stop, now can we?

Hm..but then again, How could we?

Lots of love,

Gedo xx

 

 

The fleeting nature of time.

Hey boos,
How are you?
Look at me go, I’m on a roll this week. I’ve had all my posts ready before they were due but the question is, will my video be ready before Saturday? (ooft, I’m coming for myself)
So Yesterday, I was getting ready to go into town and as I was getting ready, the pictures that I have hanging on my dresser caught my eye. Now, I’ve had these pictures since 2016 and I’ve never really paid much attention to them but yesterday, they caught my eye and I felt an odd pin prickling feeling in my stomach. As I properly stared at these pictures and saw the smiling and laughing faces of many people that I don’t speak to today, I felt the residue of time passing and not realizing it.
It’s been 3 and 3/4 years since I graduated from high school and I’m already half way through my undergraduate degree. Time flies very quickly and it got me thinking, how many days have I spent not doing the things I should be doing, not appreciating the people I should be appreciating, not treasuring the memories I should be treasuring? If I were back in high school, as cringe as it sounds, I’d tell myself to make the absolute moment of every minute of every day because I’m never going to get that time again, I’m never going to get that environment again and I might never have those people again in the way that I had them then.
Time is just so silent, you never know when it’s going to leave you. One day you’re daydreaming about the life you wish you had and then your life continues to move and before you know it, you find that you spent it daydreaming and never actually living it.
I know this all seems very cheesy but I genuinely want us to realise that although you have the rest of your life,  life is going fast. Even the days that seem to go slow in the grand scheme of things are going extremely fast. I want you to think of a memory, maybe your first high school dance? or your graduation, any memory at all, doesn’t it feel like it was just yesterday? Now calculate how many years have passed since then, isn’t that such a large amount of time?
I always used to hear and read and watch influencers who’d been doing their craft for 7 years, 8 years, 5 years and I used to think “wow, that’s such a long amount of time to be doing something” but I’ve been on this blog for 3 years and it’s such a shock to me because it feels like I’ve just started but if my blog was a child, it’d be walking by now.
I’m not sure if this blog post is a warning that time is fleeting and we’ve got to realise this and cherish every day as often as we can, or an encouragement that if you’re going through a difficult time right now, it’s not going to last forever, even though it seems to be dragging on right now, it won’t be that way forever. Perhaps it’s the sign that you needed, perhaps you really want to start something that is beneficial to you, to the environment, to your community but you keep putting it off because you’re afraid. Stop. Go do it.
There’s a significant difference between not doing something because you’re not mentally/emotionally/physically/financially/spiritually ready**** and not doing something because you are afraid. Everyone’s afraid but you don’t see that stopping them from jumping in planes and preaching the gospel, now do you? Paul was afraid many times in the bible and HE was like THE man, he approached God with fear and trembling but he still went and did what needed to be done.
You have every day, even if you don’t treat it with value (some days just suck, you can’t do anything about it) , make sure you value it.
HAVE a BLESSED day.
Lots of love,
Gedo xx
*Now I feel like I need to say this because I don’t want people jumping into things that they certainly aren’t ready for. Time is going fast, yes that is true, does that mean jump into a business that you’re not ready for? no, it means enjoy this time you have right now getting ready for the business .Enjoy the process, it might not be always fun but it’s not all bad either, enjoy this time because you won’t get it again. Does that mean making a spontaneous decision to drop out of school and pursue your passions? No, not necessarily; having an education is important and you can learn a lot but I understand it’s different for everyone so that’s a decision you’ll have to think about, pray about, discuss with people who are close to you and want the best for you, pray some more  and then make.

April goals; Discipline, activity and hobbies.

Hey boos,

How are you?

I remember last year, I said I was going to start writing a few goals for myself on the blog and then re-visit them at the end of each month so we can all see how well I did, I never actually stuck to that idea but it’s the start of April and there’s no time like the present so let’s do this.

One of the things that I really want to pay attention to this month, is well, myself. I’m currently in the season where I am learning about myself and who I am in Christ and what my full capabilities are, God has watered me to be comfortable in myself but I think now he’s trying to teach me who that self is. So this month I’d like to focus on myself and discipline and one of my goals is to get better at removing emotion from my every day tasks.

Removing emotion from everyday tasks. 

To a lot of people, that might sound very odd but let me explain. I am a very emotion centred person, I focus on how things makes me feel rather than looking at the advantages and disadvantages of doing something and sometimes it helps; I mean, it’s helped me till this point, but at other times it really doesn’t. If I say I want to go to the gym or go to bed or eat healthy but I don’t feel like it, nine times out of ten, I won’t do it. My goal is to look at everyday tasks logically and not let my emotions, what feels good and what doesn’t feel good, decide whether I do the tasks I need to do or not.

Keeping my environment tidy.

I struggle with keeping my environment in order and that stems again from my previous point, if I don’t feel like tidying my room, I just won’t do it and that often leads to me doing a lot more deep cleans than necessary. This month I’d like to focus on keeping my environment tidy, putting things away right after use, if I see something that needs cleaning, cleaning it right away instead of letting it pile up. 

Seeing my blog and youtube as a job rather than as a hobby. 

This again might cause people to be like huh? why would you want to do that? Well again, my first point, if I don’t feel like writing on my blog or filming a video, because in my head, it’s just something I do for fun, I won’t do it. I don’t create content as often as I should or as often as I could, however if I start seeing my blog and youtube as a job, as something I have to do, it will encourage me to get consistent and work better. 

Be on my feet more. 

I want to encourage myself to be more active, walking when I can instead of taking the bus, being outdoors more and enjoying the nature and the fantastic body and ability that God has given me. The thing about me is, I actually do really enjoy being active, I love jogs and I love walking, I’m sure I’d love hiking, I enjoy moving around and doing things but I’ve never been disciplined with myself enough to explore that part of me, so I’d like to see where I can go this month with that. 

I don’t encourage anyone to copy these goals or way of thinking if it does not benefit them. For example if you are a person that value work over their life and never takes a break then I would never want you to see your hobby as your job as that would suck away the fun right out of it for you. I challenge you to think about who you are and set goals that will excite you and challenge you and help you discover more about yourself than you ever knew.

We’ll catch up again at the end of the month.

Have a blessed day,

Lots of love,

Gedo xx

Kind for kindness sake

“Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always strive to do what is good for each other and for everyone else” 1 Thessalonians 5:15

Hey boos,

How are you?

I haven’t been on this scene in such a long time, I apologise. I’m probably the worst blogger ever at this point but never fear, I’m genuinely going to try and upload more times a week because I have a lot of thoughts. Shall we try Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays? 

Today, I want to talk about kindness and why it is so important for us to make sure we show kindness to everyone, every single person.  The definition of kindness is the quality of being friendly, generous and considerate. We live in a society today, and I say this all the time, where being mean is glorified. It’s worse in Western societies where we have individualistic values, so instead of pouring into the community, pouring into each other, we’d rather pour into ourselves which is good, but not all the time.

I really believe that kindness is often times the right choice, we can’t read each other minds or know what the other person is thinking and because of that, it’s so important to treat each and everyone with kindness and respect.

The things that I remember the most and love to remember the most are kind actions that people have done to me, like once I had to carry my suitcase up some flight of stairs and I remember being a little bit stressed because I had to carry it and this guy, randomly out of nowhere comes and he takes my suitcase and helps me carry it up the flight of stairs, (S/O to you dude, I hope you’re good). I remember when I was ill and my friend went and got paracetamol for me and another time when I was ill and one of my friends helped me get something from the supermarket.

When we put ourselves in the mind of kindness, we make small yet powerful impacts in the lives of others. I truly believe that the world smiles back at us when we are kind,  kind consistently and kind for kindness sake. Call me cheesy but I wholeheartedly believe in the phrase “when you smile at the world, the world smiles back”. When we are kind to other people, we become more positive, life is a little sweeter, we enjoy things a lot more.

Myself for example, I spent a long portion of my life believing that being mean was cool, that if I didn’t smile and if I pretended I was cold and unfeeling, people would respect me and want to get to know me but I wasn’t really content*, the relationships I had never really ran deep, I honestly just wasn’t having a good time. Then I got closer to God and my faith and saw how much God talked about love so I embraced that idea and honestly my life is a lot better, I feel a lot more positive, I’m genuinely excited about life and I genuinely love people (people still annoy me A LOT tho, dont get me wrong)

I’m not saying that there will be one big overnight change, you smile at one person and all of a sudden your anxiety goes away but I think if we take small steps to get outside of our heads, the moment we learn to do things for another person’s benefits; small things like open doors, smile more, be there for friends and family, be encouraging, be more appreciative, rather than thinking about what WE might gain from it, we are one step closer to finding contentedness in this fast paced, over-achieving world.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this tidbit, let me know what you think in the comments below!

Have a blessed day,

Lots of love,

Gedo xx

 

*Now I’m not saying that everyone is like or should be like me, there are some people who are naturally reserved or really shy or are just not very good at being there for other people. Being kind can be different for everyone depending on who you are and what you’re like, for some people being kind can look like not making someone who looks extremely uncomfortable speaking, speak all the time. It can look like not asking someone to do something for you because you know that they are extremely busy, it can look like giving someone the change they need. Any way in which an action is not necessary and not beneficial to you but beneficial to someone else can be seen as kindness, I reckon.

** If you go to hug someone and they say “no, thank you. I’m not comfortable with hugs.” and you don’t hug them, that’s not kindness, that’s what you should do. If you see them later on and they are looking a bit down and a bit upset, you encouraging them and listening to them not because you want to go talk about them with your friends later or because it’ll make you seem like a good person but simply because they need it, that’s kindness.

Vote of thanks

Hey boos,

So first of all, I don’t know if I’ve used “vote of thanks” in its correct context however I feel like if you’ve been reading my blog for a while, you know I have some really questionable titles (see strength is not the yeeting of love)

Anyway, if you know or perharps you didn’t know (or you knew but you didn’t care, or you didn’t care and you didn’t know or you- )Anyway! I got baptised today (weyhey) and I just feel this huge sense of appreciation, I at first was gonna do a quick social media post but then I remembered I have a blog (ooop) and this is essentially what a blog is for, a place where I can go on and on (and on and on and on and on it goes)

image

So I just wanted to say thank you, to the people in my life, to the people who came to see me take this huge step today, to people who wanted to make it but couldn’t, to people who have influenced my life one way or the other, whether it be love or learning.

I haven’t always been the cheeriest of people, and I haven’t always been the most positive but now I’m just so grateful for everyone in my life. Family and friends, people that I’ve known my whole life or met for the first time today. I’m thankful for those that have stood by me in the happiest of times, those that who have stood by me in the toughest of times and those have gotten me prawn tempura at 10 pm in the night (wink)

This isn’t just for people who have shared deep moments with me, this is for everyone who has shared something with me, whether it be memes, hugs, deadline dates, a smile, a flat, a compliment when I didn’t feel great.

This is for all the superheros and legends, for walking me back at 12 am at night in the rain when you didn’t have to, putting up with my constant rambles and speaking to me at 3 am, after a night out because my insecurities were playing up again.

I want to say a phat thank you to those that still speak to me even though I make fun of them all the time (I love y’all really), to those that have cooked me food because I couldn’t be bothered to cook and listened to me whine about how annoying my crush of the week is (he’s v annoying tbf), to those who have taken the role of boyfriend until one actually comes (you’re doing a great job sweetie)

I want to say thank you to friends who have known to keep their distance and those who know I’d rather they kept their distance but still approach me anyway because they know deep down, I really need to talk about it. To those who’ve been patient enough to explain things to me and lend me books and speak to me first because #ambivert.

I want to say thank you for the tiny things people do that they think I might not notice like asking me if I’ve got my keys because they know how forgetful I am or asking me if I want to keep my phone in their purse or if I need a hand or not making me use a Halloween filter because they know I don’t celebrate Halloween or opting to be there as a moderator in situations I don’t know how to control.

I want to say thank you to those who have confided in me, for being honest when I ask how are you (cause when I ask I actually mean it!), for those who come to me first because they know I will listen, thank you for sharing your heart with me, you didn’t have to but you did.

Lastly, I want to say thank you to friends that I don’t speak to anymore, friendships that withered away because we grew apart or we weren’t compatible. Thank you for your friendship, you were a blessing in my life and thank you for being civil whenever we do see, I appreciate that. If you ever need me still, I’ve got your back.

If I’ve known you for a day or for 20 years, I love you. I do, and people might say well Gedo you can’t love someone you’ve just met but you can and I’m the living example of that, people are great, what’s not to love 🤷🏾‍♀️ (Except the ones that aren’t…well..yknow..)

This is probably the cheesiest thing I’ve ever written (well debatable, I used to write one direction fanfic yikes) but it’s also the truest thing I’ve ever written.

I never thought I’d be one of those girls that were super positive and used the “!!!”  a lot and just shoved how much they love their friends down everyone’s throat but then here I am (now me probably would annoy then me so much lol) happier than ever, thank God for God (amirite)

giphy1

Anyway this blog post wasn’t planned, I just wanted to say thank you to everyone because I appreciate and love you all and honestly, I could probably easily write a whole dissertation plus extended essay plus research paper but y’know I need to eat.

But yea,

thank you guys 🙂

I love youuuuu (..ish)

 

 

strength is not the absence of love

Pink is not a colour of weakness. 

For centuries, we have been conditioned to believe that people who are gentle, people who are kind, people who are loving are weak. We’ve been led to believe that in order to be strong, you must be the loudest one in the room, you must be big, you must never retreat, you must be angry, you must be cold, you must be red. 

Pink is strong. 

Pink understands the first law of thermodynamics. 

Pink knows that energy cannot be created or lost, it can either be transferred or change (take that all hard science students that think psychology is NOT A REAL SCIENCE). Pink understands that hurt is energy and although pink can’t destroy hurt, pink knows that pink won’t transfer it, so even though you push pink, even though you toss pink, even though you use and misuse pink, pink won’t shove his younger brother out of the way, pink won’t shut off her friends. 

Pink is strong

Pink can fight

Pink can probably fight better than you. Pink can throw hard blows.

Pink takes self defences 3 times a week, I wouldn’t mess with pink if I was you. 

Pink is strong.

Pink knows how easy it is to frown, Pink’s probably done it before. Pink knows how easy it is to be cold and pretend you don’t care about anyone but yourself, Pink also knows how lonely it is. Pink knows that although intimidation is cool in movies, it doesn’t really work in real life.

Pink knows people need people and people need people that smile, people need people that laugh at jokes even when they’re not funny, people need people that support wholeheartedly, people need people that are optimistic, people need people that encourage

Pink understands how important just a simple smile is. 

Pink smiles. 

Pink can insult you. 

Pink knows exactly what to say to make you fall to your knees, Pink knows your patterns, your insecurities, Pink could break you if Pink wanted to but Pink understands that life is hard enough. Pink is soft, pink will absorb it, you need that. 

Pink is small

Pink is small but Pink knows that you don’t need to be big to be great, Pink knows that you have to be small to fill up the gaps. Pink also knows you don’t need to be the loudest to be at the top, so Pink has mastered the art of silence. Pink looks around when everyone speaks, Pink now understands that you enjoy being asked questions about your career so don’t be surprised if Pink consistently asks you about how your internships are going. 

Pink could be red. 

Pink has probably been red. 

But Pink knows that people don’t need red. 

People need Pink. 

So Pink will be Pink. 

Just because strength is not as how you see it, that does not mean that it is not there.

There is a lot more strength in smiling, in backing down in an argument, in letting someone go first even after they’ve tried to cut you in the line than there is fighting back. 

There has been a lot of emphasis and praise, especially in recent times on being the type of person that does not care, there is also this belief that because you’ve been hurt in previous relationships, that means that you must harden your heart to everyone. I admit that I too operated under this unspoken law until I understood that I shouldn’t, I can’t, let someone alter my behaviour based on their bad choices. It doesn’t make any sense, why should I change for someone else’s mistake? And why should other people pay for that person’s mistake?

It seems as though people don’t understand that this has a negative effect, if you treat someone as though they are going to hurt you or that they might hurt you, they will eventually drift away from you because people don’t want to be made to feel like they are walking on egg shells. 

There lies greater strength in opening your heart to people. 

ANYWAY, that’s all for another day. 

Have a blessed week, 

Lots of love, 

Gedo xx

 

 

two.

Nestle had always been a “too” since she was a baby.

She was always too much

or too little.

She was either too small or too big

She was too strong, too rough, too passionate, she had too many edges, she asked too many questions.

Tetley had always been a “to”

He was always in the background.

He was never the subject or the object but simply took his position between them.

In his last year of high school, his 4th girlfriend (he’d had one for every year)  had had a conversation with him he had tried to forget, she was trying to break up with him and he was trying to understand why.

“This isn’t about me is it?” he asked, referring to the breakup

“That’s the problem T, this isn’t about you, it’s NEVER about you! It’s always about me, it’s always “how’s YOUR day” or “what do YOU want to do” or “okay if YOU want” It’s like your life does not exist without me, it’s like YOU don’t exist without me, without someone, like you can never be alone because then there is nothing about you. Tell me, have you ever said or done anything that wasn’t completely influenced by someone else?”

And that’s exactly what had brought him to the dodgiest centre he had ever had the displeasure of seeing. 1/2 of the neon letters in its sign had stopped working so instead of being “Bobby’s pleasure centre”, it  looked  like “Bby’s ere entr”, it looked a bit ominous if T was being honest and the thought of going home had crossed his mind but he swatted it away.

His ex girlfriend’s words had stayed with him even though he was in his third year of University now, he had seen the advertisement for this free ballroom dancing class on gumtree and the conversation he  had with her came flooding back to him because he  once told her it was something he’d like to do, but she said it was too cringey so he didn’t. He signed up without much thought, that would show her, also the girl he was currently talking to said she really liked boys who did “out of character” things, joining the rugby team at his University was most certainly not an option as his somewhat skinny frame would break if any of the athletic rugby lads so much as looked at him and atleast if he embarrassed himself here, no one would know about it.

She had noticed him first.

He wasn’t exceptionally good looking but Nestle liked that, she didn’t like boys that were goodlooking, she always found them somewhat inauthentic, he had a boyish features and ginger hair, features that she wouldn’t normally find attractive but he worked with them well.

Nestle was certain she had found the love of her life or maybe it’s the dim lighting and the adrenaline from the fact that there is atleast one cute guy here, she smiled at the thought.

Well I hope he doesn’t wear that shirt at our wedding, Nestle laughed silently and rolled her eyes at the thought. I’m so annoying. 

T scanned the room, there was a comfortable amount of people, comfortable in that it wasn’t cramped enough to feel claustrophobic but not too few to feel self conscious. There was a good mix of guys and women but it seemed as though most were either couples or  friends, everyone seemed to know each other. His eyes stopped at a girl who seemed to be a bit farther away from the crowd, she was a black girl with cool dark blue braids in, T had had enough black friends to know that that probably wasn’t her real hair and to know that commenting on it was probably not the best conversation starter, except maybe if it was a compliment but then she’d probably have heard that a lot. He still thought it was cool though.

She was smiling and maybe it was the lighting but she had a beautiful smile.

The instructor called for everyone to gather in a circle, possibly introduce himself and give some instructions, T wasn’t  paying attention.

His eyes looked for hers again.

She was standing right underneath the light this time, directly opposite him. Her eyes were gleaming and she tilted her neck slightly, she stared at the instructor in deep concentration, she was quite cute. His eyes moved downwards, she was wearing a black turtle neck and mid length tartan skirt. He looked down at his own choice of attire, a purple and white plaid shirt and jeans, his favourite.

T was never one to shy away from conversation or from people, he liked talking, he liked making jokes, he liked being around people, it made him feel cool, for lack of better word and  under normal circumstances, he would just stroll to her and ask her if she’d be his partner but she made him nervous, like she might look at him and see his whole life and not be interested.

The instructor was now calling for everyone to find partners and everyone was looking to each other, she had moved away from the light.

Waiting.

Waiting to be chosen, she sighed and looked around, she couldn’t understand why people never chose her, why she was always left on the sidelines. She looked at the cute guy who was currently staring at another girl, this always happened to her, she was never going to be chosen.

He wasn’t sure what to do but he knew he didn’t really have much time to think, it was either now or never. His legs started first and before he knew he was right in front of her,  he had walked up to her and she couldn’t believe it, she was smiling again, this time with teeth and she was beautiful.

And she was still beautiful when he placed his arm, in the most cutest awkward way she had ever seen, around her waist.

And gosh, was she beautiful when he spun her, because her skirt spun too and she laughed and if this was a ball, she would definitely be the belle.

“So what’s your name?” she asked in the break, her eyes soft but like fire at the same time, piercing, daring almost.

“Well people call me T,” he responded hoping she wouldn’t ask him his full name “What’s yours?”

“Surely, it must come from something,” she laughed “What’s your full name?” she sounded like she actually cared about what he had to say, she looked like she wanted to know everything about him.

“Promise you won’t laugh, I hate my name, like I feel like my parents were having a laugh when they named me.” He said smiling, she laughed, he had such a lovely smile and his voice was nothing like anything she thought she would be attracted to but she loved it, she would have never thought that an Irish accent could  be remotely sexy, especially after how many times she had heard it.

“Let’s hear it then.”

“My full name is Tetley,” she couldn’t help laughing at the coincidence, it was just too humorous.

“I told you not to laugh!” he said like a child, which only made her laugh harder. he had an amused expression on his face which made her crush for him intensify and his eyes, his eyes were so piercing, they made her feel like a girl and a woman at the same time.

“No! No!” she said in between giggles “It’s not that, it’s just..” she said

“Just what?” he asked, crossing his arms again like a defensive child.

“My name is Nestle.” He couldn’t contain it himself either and laughed

“Are you serious?” He said through chuckles

“I guess our parents really enjoyed breakfast beverages.”

The conversation rolled on for the rest of the night. She called him Tea and he in return called her Mocha, because that was her favourite coffee. He went to the University of Edinburgh and she went to Heriot Watt, she gave him the facts about why Heriot Watt was superior, he didn’t agree. They both agreed One Direction was the best thing that happened to them  however he was very “After Zayn” and she was “Before Zayn”.

She was different, she had responses.

He listened.

She was fast with her remarks.

He asked questions.

She understood all his references.

He knew his memes.

She even had ones he did not recognise.

There were so many things she could tag him in.

She was funny.

He laughed at her jokes.

She was energetic.

He was grounded.

She was eager.

He was calm.

She asked questions.

He didn’t make her feel like a nuisance.

She was passionate.

He understood.

She was strong.

He was strong.

Even though she was little, her personality was big and she wasn’t afraid.

Even though he was big, he didn’t make her feel little.

She was honest.

He was kind.

She made him feel like he was the most interesting person in the world, he actually started believing he might be.

He made her feel just enough.

 

The class ended too quickly.

She wasn’t ready to go home yet, he had to make her stay.

He had to.

“Anywhere I can take you to?” He asked, grinning.

“Well, I guess I’m not too tired.” She responded.

And so they left together, to find a place for two.

 

Pretty on pink.

TRIGGER WARNING: R*PE!

TRIGGER WARNING

TRIGGER WARNING

TRIGGER WARNING

TRIGGER WARNING

…..
Joseph parked his company car on the curb that day slightly annoyed, first of all he was still tired from last night, (although that was something his boss was not to know), secondly, he didn’t know why he had to be the one to drive all the way to this neighbourhood when Nathan could have gone, it was his turn away, the neighbourhood was far away and just full of snotty “upper town folk”. He composed himself before picking up his tool set, this job better be quick, maybe he could get a quick nap before heading back.
Number 11. 
 
The house was a cute house, whoever cared for it really seemed to have a thing for flowers and all things sweet smelling because the front of the house had all sorts of beautiful flowers growing on the front, Lilies, lavender, carnations, roses of all shapes and sizes, a bees heaven.
The sight made Joseph smile, he was quite the gardener himself and could always take the time to appreciate a perfectly perfect gardening job and this job, he must admit was perfectly perfect.
He pressed the doorbell and waited, the windows were wide open and Joseph could see the entire parlour.
It was very..
well..
pink.
Not Joseph’s taste but who was Joseph to judge, people were allowed to like what they like. The sofa although white was covered in all sorts of pink throw pillows, feathery ones, shiny ones, soft ones. The couch itself was something one would find in perharps an antique shop, it was one of those that ladies back in the day laid on to complain about all the suitors they had turn down that day or something silly like that, a fainting couch. Before he could judge the rest of the decor, the door opened and before him stood a young-ish woman, he would say perhaps 23 at most, wearing a pink gingham dress and pink gardening gloves.
She must really like pink. 
 
She had a very warm smile
“Hello there,” she said, and an even warmer voice.
“Hello,” he responded smiling back “you called for plumbing.” She look puzzled at first but it cleared away and was replaced with the same warm smile she greeted him with.
“Yes, yes, come in, I did do that didn’t I?” She said ushering him in, her house was as clean as anything and smelt delicious, like she had just been baking.
“You have a lovely home madam, do you garden?” she laughed and Joseph found himself smiling too
“Thank you so much! And yes, I love plants! Can I offer you something to drink? It’s quite warm today don’t you think? Water? Coke? I also have lemonade somewhere, homemade.”
“Homemade lemonade? I haven’t heard that about in a long time, it’s all commercial now, everything is now.”
“Yes, I make it myself, would you like some?” He couldn’t help himself, and that was Joseph’s biggest problem.
“Yes please.”
“Would you like to wait in the living room? the plumbing work is actually out in the…” her voice trailing off, as she went into the kitchen. Joseph took off his shoes and stepped into the living room, feeling out of place immediately. Everything seemed so pretty and cute, he wondered if she lived alone.
He found pictures of people everywhere he turned, there were pictures of her with people of different shapes and sizes. As he gazed around the room, a picture caught his eyes, it was a picture of two women, this woman he assumed, and someone familiar, he moved closer to inspect the picture.
Yes, he was right.
Cherry from High school, Cherry and him went to high school together but how is it possible? Could the woman be older than him? No, she couldn’t be, there is no way.
He must be a lot more tired than he thought, he reckoned.
“Here we are,” he turned around swiftly almost knocking the picture from its place on her shelf.
“Thank you,” he said picking up the drink. “You seem to know a lot of people.” he laughed referring to the many pictures before taking a gulp
“Yes,” she smiled “Family is very important to me.”
He felt uneasy but laughed it away, he must be tired, this job and he would take the rest of the day off.
He finished the drink in a few gulps, it was very sweet but very refreshing.
“Thank you, it tasted very good ma’am.”
“No problem, yes now, if you would like to follow me, the leak is actually down here.”
She directed him to a set of stairs, the walls were filled with pictures and antique things, cat clocks and interesting frames, everything pink of course.
His stomach ached.
“Right down here.”
“Did you know Cherry, Joseph?” she asked,  he didn’t remember telling her his name.
he was starting to feel dizzy.
“Yes, we went to high school together.” He couldn’t remember much of high school, it was never a good time for him, he was unhappy with his life and he took it out on others, which he should not have but high school was a deadly game and you had to play to live.
“That’s nice.”
Joseph felt his heart race go up, he felt  like he had been sprinting many miles.
“Are you a gardener Mr. Joseph?”
“Yes.” He stopped trying to catch his breathe
“What are your favourite flowers?”
“Hydrangeas ma’am” he gasped “blue ones, they remind me of my mum.”
“How lovely, do you want to know mine?”
Something wasn’t right. Something was very not right.
“They’re called Cobra Lilies.”
He tried to turn around , he was trying to go back the way he came but he couldn’t remember how he started.
“Their scientific name is darlingtonia Californica, how cute.”
“What did you do to me?” he screamed, he felt as though he had gone blind and was trying to claw his way through the house.
“It lures insects into its pitcher with its sweet smell.” her voice was drifting off now. Everything was beginning to feel hazy like on a hot summers day when the air felt slow and heavy.
“Let me out! Let me out!” he cried, a bright light seemed to come from a certain direction but every time he ran towards it, it divided itself into two.
“And it’s interesting,” her voice continued, still maintaining its warm nature but very far away now “because its closed pitchers have numerous, see through, false exits that exhausts its desperate victims as they try to escape.”
“Please,” he begged, panting “Let me out.” his heart was beating so hard in his chest, he thought it might explode.
“Family is very important to me.”
“What did you do to Cherry?” he could see her now, she was there, in the same pink outfit, looking as sweet as ever.
“Nothing, we went to high school together.”
“What did you do to Cherry?” she asked again, all of a sudden, he was there, he was in that room.
The smell got to him first.
“No” he whispered.
He could see himself, his younger self.
He could hear her.
He could hear him.
“Stop! Stop! Stop!”
“What did you do to Cherry?”
“Nothing, Nothing, I didn’t do anything.” the screams got louder. He tried to close his eyes but they wouldn’t close, he tried to move his hands to cover his ears but they wouldn’t budge.
The smell, the ghastly smell.
“Stop! stop!”
“What did you do?”
“I raped her, I raped her, I raped her” he cried, “I took advantage of her, she was looking for help and I took advantage of her.” His legs gave way, landing on his hands and knees, the tears continue to stream heavily.
 He was crying heavily and he couldn’t stop, he cried and he cried and he cried.
 It was him, it was him, it had always been him.
He wasn’t sure how long he had been crying for or even how long he had been there for, it could have been a minute, it could have been an hour, it could have been years however all of a sudden, everything stopped.
He was at the bottom of the staircase now, the woman facing him, smiling that same warm smile.
He could feel a dampness in his trousers and his eyes were painful but it no longer felt like there was an eagle flapping about in his chest.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” he begged  “I’m sorry. Please let me go, I’m sorry, I’m a good man now, I would never, please let me go, I never drank alcohol again ever since, I donate to charities, I make sure women never go out alone, last night at the work party, I made sure I left last so everyone could get home safely, I always do, please, I’m sorry.”
He turned around and ran, he was close.
He was so close.
There was the door handle, all he needed to do was turn it and he would be free.
He reached out to grasp it but he couldn’t, he tried again and again.
“I really would Joseph..” he sank to the floor, crying.
“But Family is very important to me.”
..
The lady picked out blue hydrangeas seeds from her selection of flowers seeds.
“You’ll fit perfectly in my garden,” she smiled and set to work immediately.

I finally did it

I am buzzing lads.

I don’t even have time for my usual greeting, I am way too excited for that.

Y’all notice anything different though?

giphy2

Anything?

so-cute-gif-8

ANYTHING AT ALL?

giphy1

WE HAVE A DOMAIINNNNNN

giphy

I know! I KNOW! 

8f17954d9529b4a2b2b33326406ac956

I can’t believe that I’ve actually done it guys, like ugh join me in thanking God. I didn’t even think I was going to do it today! It’s currently 2:40 AM and I’m sat in this cute little nook I made for myself, sniffling in my satin pyjamas and I need to go to bed so I’ll finish this blog post off tomorrow but I just wanted to say that God did it.

On October 27th, 2:30 AM in the morning, Gedo made her very first investment towards her blog. On this day, she went from .wordpress.com to just .com. SHOOKETH.

Okay bed time now.

Hey boos,

So it’s a reasonable time now and I’m finishing up this post, still sniffling in my satin pyjamas. I just wanted to say that this is feels like a big milestone, just a couple weeks ago I finally hit  100 followers (currently on 112 now) and it feels like things are coming together.

I know this post is extremely jumbled up and definitely not a”perfect” post but honestly not all posts will be. I am far from being the “perfect” “put together” human being that people on social media love to be, and honestly I don’t know if I ever want my posts to be all perfect and fancy and put together and lacking personality, do you know what I mean?

My blog posts are me and when people read them I want the experience to feel like a conversation with their best friend, I want people to feel like they are getting a bit of me,  and I want them to feel like “oh well she doesn’t seem perfect and she’s doing it, so maybe I can too”.

Anyway, I am going way off topic but I guess what I’m trying to say is, even though this blog will continue to improve and get cuter and bigger, I’m going to try really hard to make sure it stays sincere, honest and raw.

So yea, cheers to .com.

giphy

Have a blessed day,

Lots of love,

Gedo xx

ALEXA PLAY RECKLESS LOVE BY CORY ASBURY (I CRIED whilst writing this)

“What is mankind that you are mindful of them, human beings that you care for them?” Psalm 8:4

hey boos,

How are you? I’ve literally been working on this blog post for a while now, trying to get it right but I’m going to let God take reign and let him tell me what he wants me to write.

Basically, I wanted to speak about God’s love because I feel like sometimes we forget, sometimes we get so wrapped up in the mediocrities of life that we forget about the wider picture, the blessings, God even.

I was at church a couple weeks back for a programme called peniel, it’s held every year during the summer and this year was my first time attending. One of the preachers in the programme said something along the lines of, God sits of the throne with millions of angels who praise him perfectly, exactly as they should yet when one person, one person who’s voice cannot even match the quality of your favourite singers much less the angels, God tells them to stop so he can listen to that one person. Can you imagine a love like that? telling a great room of the best singing you have ever heard in your life to stop singing so you can hear one human voice?

Who am I that God should love me? the creator of things that I cannot even begin to understand, who created the dots on strawberries and causes dew to fall on the grass in the early morning, who am I that he should love me?

“Greater love has no one than this; to lay down one’s life for one’s friends” John 15:13

It’s hard to understand this because as humans we’re a bit selfish, although we boast about loyalty and “ride or dies” when it comes to it, there would only be a small population of people who would actually die for their friends. Do you know who did? and who would again a 100 million times if he had to? Jesus Christ. Did you know that the night before Jesus died on the cross, his heart was heavy? Do you want to know why? Because he was dreading it. Matthew 26:39 says “Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will but you will” then he goes on to pray “My father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done.” (Matthew 26:42)

Basically he’s saying, “God I dont really want to go through it but if it’s your will for me, if this is what I have to do then I’ll do it”. Have you ever seen such an amazing display of self sacrifice? to first be betrayed by someone you love and called your own and sold for money, then publicly taken away only to have the very person promising he would never deny you, deny you three times, to then have the public choose to free a criminal over you, to carry your cross AND then be nailed to it and be left there for three days whilst the guards make fun of you?

Jesus did all that, for you.

For you.

And your parents and your siblings and your friends and your grandparents.

He did it so we could all get a chance to God’s real real children, to be tight with God, to be Gods’ daughters and sons, to be brothers and sisters with Jesus.

He did it, so you could be family.

So do you understand now why the price if you don’t believe in God is so high? someone had to die a despicable death for it.

“The Lord watches over you- the Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.” Psalm 121: 5-6

Soften your hearts and hear me, look at this, the sun will not harm you by day nor the moon by night, look at this love. Do you know what that means? it means that even at your most vulnerable stage, when you are not conscious and when you cannot do anything for yourself, God is protecting you, he is there, his angels are there, they are guarding you and keeping you safe. (Man I’ve teared up so many times with this post)

“The Lord will keep you from ALL harm- he will watch over your life; the Lord with watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.” Psalm 121: 7-8

Not some, not a few, but ALL, meaning every single harm, and not just today and tomorrow but for ALL of your life. Is that not love? Is that not real love?

“When you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet. Have no fear of sudden disaster or of the ruin that overtakes the wicked, for the lord will be at your side and will keep your foot from being snared” -Proverbs 3: 26

Do you know what he is saying here? he says do not be anxious, he says do not be afraid, I know there are a lot of people who get anxious at night, anxious for life, anxious that they might die in their sleep, anxious that something bad will happen and here God is, God is “saying hey, hey listen, don’t worry about that, don’t be anxious about that, I got your back, just sleep, I got you”. Is that not real love?

What do you know about the God that leaves 99 sheep for the one that was left behind? What do you know about the God that says bring ALL of your burdens to me and take my own because mine is lighter? (I’m crying now) What do you know about the God that says I will carry you on my back and have my wings protect you? What do you know about the God that says “look I know you, I know you inside out, I know your weak points, I know the things you’ve done, I know you’ve said and done some things that hurt me and hurt yourself and the people around you, and even though the people might not have forgiven you, even though you may not have forgiven yourself, I forgive you.

I. Forgive. You.

I forgive you and I still love you.

To me, you are perfect, to me you are whole and you are clean and you are worth it and I love you.”

What do you know about that God? About my God? about Your God?

What do you know about the God that genuinely wants the best for you? That even in times of trial, he holds your hand, he tries to help it be as smooth as possible for you?

What do you know (I am quite literally bawling my eyes out, I’m gonna insert a picture to prove it) about the God that feels your pain? That feels your heaviness? The God that sees you crying in your pillow at 3 AM because your heart hurts and feels that pain?

38955243_1716462005129660_7486544256568393728_n (crying me x, in this house we love God and cry when we write about him, Alexa play reckless love by Cory Asbury)

I don’t know what people have tried to tell you, I don’t know what you’ve heard or what you’ve read but if you take one thing away from this, I want it to be this;

In all that noise, in all that white noise, people talking, shouting, hustle and bustle, traffic, hardships, heartbreaks, God is there. God is there and he loves you. God sees you and he sees your pain and he pats your back and he says,

“My child, the storm is coming to an end, I’m here, I’m right here. I love you and I’m right here.”

Thank you God.

I could probably write on forever but I need to keep this a readable length.

(It was cloudy and immediately I ended this blog post, the dark clouds went away and the Sun shone, like immediately, if that’s not a sign of someone’s breakthrough, of someone’s rainy days coming to an end then I dont know what is)

Have a blessed day,

Lots of love,

Gedo xx