strength is not the absence of love

Pink is not a colour of weakness. 

For centuries, we have been conditioned to believe that people who are gentle, people who are kind, people who are loving are weak. We’ve been led to believe that in order to be strong, you must be the loudest one in the room, you must be big, you must never retreat, you must be angry, you must be cold, you must be red. 

Pink is strong. 

Pink understands the first law of thermodynamics. 

Pink knows that energy cannot be created or lost, it can either be transferred or change (take that all hard science students that think psychology is NOT A REAL SCIENCE). Pink understands that hurt is energy and although pink can’t destroy hurt, pink knows that pink won’t transfer it, so even though you push pink, even though you toss pink, even though you use and misuse pink, pink won’t shove his younger brother out of the way, pink won’t shut off her friends. 

Pink is strong

Pink can fight

Pink can probably fight better than you. Pink can throw hard blows.

Pink takes self defences 3 times a week, I wouldn’t mess with pink if I was you. 

Pink is strong.

Pink knows how easy it is to frown, Pink’s probably done it before. Pink knows how easy it is to be cold and pretend you don’t care about anyone but yourself, Pink also knows how lonely it is. Pink knows that although intimidation is cool in movies, it doesn’t really work in real life.

Pink knows people need people and people need people that smile, people need people that laugh at jokes even when they’re not funny, people need people that support wholeheartedly, people need people that are optimistic, people need people that encourage

Pink understands how important just a simple smile is. 

Pink smiles. 

Pink can insult you. 

Pink knows exactly what to say to make you fall to your knees, Pink knows your patterns, your insecurities, Pink could break you if Pink wanted to but Pink understands that life is hard enough. Pink is soft, pink will absorb it, you need that. 

Pink is small

Pink is small but Pink knows that you don’t need to be big to be great, Pink knows that you have to be small to fill up the gaps. Pink also knows you don’t need to be the loudest to be at the top, so Pink has mastered the art of silence. Pink looks around when everyone speaks, Pink now understands that you enjoy being asked questions about your career so don’t be surprised if Pink consistently asks you about how your internships are going. 

Pink could be red. 

Pink has probably been red. 

But Pink knows that people don’t need red. 

People need Pink. 

So Pink will be Pink. 

Just because strength is not as how you see it, that does not mean that it is not there.

There is a lot more strength in smiling, in backing down in an argument, in letting someone go first even after they’ve tried to cut you in the line than there is fighting back. 

There has been a lot of emphasis and praise, especially in recent times on being the type of person that does not care, there is also this belief that because you’ve been hurt in previous relationships, that means that you must harden your heart to everyone. I admit that I too operated under this unspoken law until I understood that I shouldn’t, I can’t, let someone alter my behaviour based on their bad choices. It doesn’t make any sense, why should I change for someone else’s mistake? And why should other people pay for that person’s mistake?

It seems as though people don’t understand that this has a negative effect, if you treat someone as though they are going to hurt you or that they might hurt you, they will eventually drift away from you because people don’t want to be made to feel like they are walking on egg shells. 

There lies greater strength in opening your heart to people. 

ANYWAY, that’s all for another day. 

Have a blessed week, 

Lots of love, 

Gedo xx

 

 

Over weight: the food bit

Disclaimer: This post contains themes of like skipping meals, and the unhealthy desire to be skinny. I am not saying that being skinny is wrong, I am say the way I went about it IS. 

Hey boos,

How are you?

So I know this post is very late but listen, but here it is! If you’re a bit confused, the first part is here.

In the last episode, I talked about my story and gave a general overview of where it all began. Today, I’m going to speak about my relationship with food.

I don’t think, until now, I’ve ever had a good relationship with food, I used to see it as something that made me gain weight so on the days I went without it or ate little of it, I felt happy. I used to feel a certain novelty in being able to say I skipped breakfast or I hadn’t eaten lunch. I’m skipping ahead though, let’s start from the very beginning.

When I was very little, my parents told me that it used to be a struggle to feed me because I was very picky with what I ate (I don’t remember this) however that changed and I loved food, but not regular food, unhealthy food. I started eating a lot, and then I started eating, not because I was hungry, but because I was bored and I would eat big portions so obviously I was going to gain weight and I did (I remember this).

I wasn’t obese or anything but I was chubby and visibly bigger than all of my friends, well not friends, I didn’t have many friends in primary school (lol). Most of my female peers were slimmer than I was so that obviously didn’t really help my self-esteem. It also didn’t help that the popular girls in movies and TV were usually skinny and pretty with long hair and I wanted to be popular, so you can imagine I wasn’t exactly pleased with my chubby nature. I wanted to be skinny but I don’t remember ever actually doing anything to actively get me there.

The skipping meals didn’t start until boarding school, at the time I didn’t skip them because I wanted to lose weight, I just skipped it because I didn’t like the food they served so I lost a lot of weight, I lost so much weight. I wish I had a picture but I only have one picture from back then and I don’t even know where that picture is but I was so skinny then (I looked sick, it doesn’t look like me at all) and what is funny now that I think about it, I didn’t know I was skinny, I still thought I was chubby.

I don’t remember when I actively started skipping meals to lose weight, I think somewhere between The Netherlands and Scotland. I would skip meals and try to eat smaller portions and then binge on unhealthy food and feel guilty, it was just that never ending cycle. I didn’t see food as something that nourished my body or helped me grow, I never really saw it as a positive thing. I thought “healthy” meant “few” so the less calories I ate, the better.

This bring us to the beginning of last year when I started hanging out more with my friends, the thing about living with people is you get to see their life habits, habits like what they eat and in my case how much they eat. It made me extremely self conscious when my friends would eat half their meal and say they were full when there was me who was still hungry after eating the whole thing. This, interestingly enough, had never been a problem for me so I had no idea how to deal with it. What did I do? I tried to cut down on my eating which as you can imagine just left me hungry and wanting to snack on just about anything and everything, so now not only was I not eating enough nutrients for me, I was also filling the gap with a lot of snacks. I eventually realised that everyone has different needs and everyone has different food habits, that does not necessarily mean that mine are bad. What is good for the goose does not always have to be good for the gander.

My relationship with food is a lot better than it used to be, I try to eat when I am hungry and I try to eat enough to fill me. I try my best to watch what I eat and make healthy alternatives instead of just cutting it out of my diet completely. I try not to beat myself up when I binge on unhealthy food because I know now that this is a process and Rome wasn’t built in a day.

I’m doing these series just in case there might be anyone who could be going through their own health process right now and I would like for them to know that they are not alone and that this is a journey, everyday will not go exactly as you plan it and you need to learn to forgive yourself and let go.

I hope you enjoyed this and I’ll see you next week.

Have a blessed day,

Lots of love,

Gedo xx

How to achieve/set goals in 2019

Hey boos,

Yay! Here we are in 2019, Happy new year! We all made it and I am proud of every single one of us, glad we all made it safe. I’d like to say a special welcome to all those that joined us in 2018, I’m glad you’re here and I’m excited to see where we will all go this year!

Today, the first Wednesday of the year, I would like to give you 5 helpful tips on how you can set and achieve your goals in 2019!

Let’s get right into it.

1. Be diligent

I don’t think a lot of people pay a lot of care when they make their goals, I think they just think of things they would like and then write that down.

People sometimes write their goals without any intention of actually following through with them so they don’t spend a lot of time properly thinking about what they actually want to achieve.

My tip is to take time and think about what you want to achieve, what do you actually really want to achieve? is it realistic? is it a continuous goal or is something you can complete during the course of this year? What aspects of your life do you want to see change? How many aspects of your life would you like to work on this year compared to last year? How do you intend on carrying out these goals?

2. Less is more.

The few goals you have, the more diligently you can work on them. Think about all the aspects in your life you would like to work on and have a few goals for each. For example, I have categorised my goals in 6 sections, faith, health, appearance, inner self, business and academic and in each section I have an average of 2 goals (apart from my faith goals where I have 4).  This way when I look at my goals, I don’t feel overwhelmed and having few gives me the ability to make in depth plans on how to achieve them.

3. Be Measurable.

Let your goals be measurable, because this way at the end of the year when you look back to see how you did, you can have tangible results. For example, under my business goals, I have the goal to reach 500 followers on my blog and this is measurable because at the end of the year, I can look at my blog followers and see how well I did. Under academics, for another example, I have the goal to study an hour everyday separate to the time I spend doing coursework. This is different from saying “at the end of the year, I want to study more” because I could study for one second more and call that an achievement and it’s also not very accountable because at any given day I could study for 5 minutes and tell myself I’m accomplishing my goal but 5 minutes won’t really make any difference (to me personally) in what I’ve learnt.

4. Put your goals everywhere.

Put your goals everywhere and I mean it, everywhere. It’s very easy to forget things in the world we live in, there is so much information floating around catching our attention that we forget things so easily. It’s very easy to write the goals and then put them in a journal that you’re never going to open until the end of the year. Write these goals and put them in places you look at often (your mirrors, your refrigerator, maybe as your wallpaper on your phone, at your desk) put it everywhere and even if you do get desensitised to it and you dont notice yourself reading it, it is still in your brain subconsciously.

5. Switch up the wording. 

If you are moving some of your goals from last year into this year, I would suggest that you change the wording or add something to it to make it interesting and new. You don’t want to start of the year bored of your goals is essentially what I am trying to say.

If your goal for the last ten years has been to lose tummy fat, switch up the words, you could for example do your research as to what types of food  increases fat building around your stomach and set yourself a challenge to stay away from those foods.(I am not saying that you should quit eating bread or dairy or whatever it is, as I’m not a dietitian I can’t make those claims), what I am saying is, do your research and set a challenge for yourself. You might not quit anything but instead decide to do a workout catered to abs and weight loss a certain amount of times per week, I don’t know, that’s at your discretion.

Those are my tips for goals and I hope that this really helps everyone achieve their goals this year! Let me know what some of your goals are and how you plan on achieving them. Don’t forget to like, comment and follow and come back next week Wednesday for another post!

Have a blessed day,

Lots of love,

Gedo xx

You’re doing great.

Hey boos,

I haven’t done this in a while and it almost feels foreign, which is kind of sad. The days fly by so fast and before you know it, it’s 3 am a week before your semester exams and you’re half way through second year? It’s all a bit mad.

First, a quick update.

I don’t really know what to say, I guess I’m still transitioning into myself and that’s fine. I definitely do see growth in the way I act and in the way I respond to things,  there aren’t massive changes but I know they are steps in the right direction. Rome wasn’t built in a day and even though my slow pace can be frustrating at times, I know I will get to where I need to get to eventually.

I also had dinner with my friends last week, where I attempted to make Nigerian food and we spoke about Christianity and it was good, I think good chats came out of it but we’ll leave the rest in the hands of God.

I have exams literally next week, next week Tuesday. Don’t start.

Anyway, I’ve been noticing that as December is approaching, people seem to be burning out. I’ve heard a lot of complaints about tiredness and overthinking and going through it. Personally, I think it’s the year coming to an end and exams and everything seems to be taking its toll.

I was watching a video and at the end of it, the person says “You’re doing great” and I honestly almost started crying and I instantaneously felt better, it was then that I realised no one really says that anymore. When was the last time you told someone that they were doing great? When was the last time someone told you, you were doing great?

I think, as people, we’ve become so good at acting and so good at deciding for others. We’ve become so good at acting because we go on pretending as if everything is okay and as if we are perfectly perfect when we aren’t so no one ever thinks to give us any sort of reassurance. We’ve become so good at deciding for other people in that, we see someone and we instantly think they do not want or need reassurance.

I’m here to tell you that I am so proud of you.

Yea, you.

You’ve come so far from when you first began and I see it even when you don’t and I am so so proud of you for that.

I love watching the person you’re becoming, and even though you are tired and feeling a bit or very burned out and everything just seems like noise.

You are so loved and so appreciated and so well looked upon by your friends and family and you might be feeling lonely right now, but listen to me,  you aren’t. Trust me you are not. You have your friends and you have your family and you have me, always!

You may be feeling like you’re not beautiful or you are not attractive or smart or nobody loves you, but listen to me, you are beautiful.

You are beautiful and okay so maybe I don’t know what you look like but do you know what I know? I know that you’re beautiful in your soul, in your heart, in the thing that keeps you alive, you are beautiful there. You may not be able to see it, but the people around you do.

Maybe you’re not in a relationship and everyone around you is, so you feel like you’re not good enough, but you are. You don’t want to be with just anybody, you want to be with someone who loves you, every single bit of you, not just you when you look attractive but also you at 6 am in the morning when you haven’t taken a shower in 3 days (please take a shower) and don’t know what you’re doing with your life and you’re not going to find that in just anybody, it takes time. You take time. You are so worth that time.

You might not feel smart because everyone around you seems to be getting better grades than you, even though you try your hardest and you’re just tired. Listen, you are smart and maybe it takes you a little bit more effort than everyone else, that doesn’t make you stupid. You are smart and it’s okay if you’re smart in a different way, that’s still smart.

Please stop hating yourself.

You don’t deserve that.

Get to know yourself more, become friends with you. Do you even know what you like? what are your hobbies? what’s your favourite colour?

Get to know you, I’m sure you’ll surprise yourself.

Like I said Rome wasn’t built in a day, no good relationship just happens like that. A relationship with you is just like any other relationship, it needs time and nurturing. Become acquaintances first, talk about the weather and all that boring stuff then hang out with yourself, take yourself to see a movie, take a walk, talk to yourself.

You’re doing so well, my love. Be proud of yourself.

tldr: You’re doing great.

You’re doing so, so well.

Recommended song to listen with post: It is well (live) by Kirsten Dimarco, Bethel Music

Greater things by Mack Brock

 

The year of me.

“And from the days of John the Baptist until now the kingdom of heaven suffereth violence, and the violent take it by force. Matthew 11:12 [KJV]

Hey boos,

Can you believe it? The year is coming to an end. The grand finale. I am so ready for 2018, you guys don’t know.  It’s especially refreshing and satisfying that the first day of a new year is on a Monday.

I just want to take a moment to thank God that I’m here and you’re here and we get to do this together, so much has happened this year and we really need to understand that the fact that we are here is no mere coincidence, so let’s thank God together and prepare to take this year by its horns.

I just want to explain the bible verse I put on the top real quick, I’m going to simplify it. To me, it means that whatever you want in this life, you can’t just sit down and expect it. You have to go out and get it aggressively because it’s not just you that want it, many, many other people want it as well. You need to get up and fight for what you deserve. When it says violence, it doesn’t mean literal violence.  It is whatever you need to fight to get what you want whether it be self-doubt, lack of self-control, procrastination, other people doubting you.

This post is actually a call to action to all my people out there who have goals that they’ve been setting for themselves since the age they could write them, for those who have wanted to do things every year but overthink it or procrastinate, for those ones that claim every year as their year but never doing anything about it.

It’s time for us to take what is ours this year. By force.

I used to be the queen of procrastination but I’ve decided it’s time to move on, the time for procrastination came and now needs to leave, I have things to do.

Nothing good comes easy, and it’s time for us to do the difficult things that we’ve been trying to avoid or escape for a long time. It’s time for us to make moves, serious moves. It’s time for us to finally check off our lists and feel pride at the end of the year instead the “comforting” feeling of “this year is just going to be the same.”

It’s time to stop being pessimistic with the easy statement that “Resolutions don’t work”. Stop blaming resolutions, resolutions have nothing to do with this, the only reason why resolutions don’t work is because you get too lazy to complete them. End of. Besides this isn’t a new years resolution anymore, this is a must do. This is no longer a goal, this is a necessity.

We can no longer sit on our phones and retweet, screenshot and share other people’s successes, it’s time to make our own.

This is the year of us.

For those that don’t think we can do it, it’s time for us to prove them wrong and prove ourselves right. We deserve better.

Make a list of goals you want to achieve this year (watch as I’m saying THIS year because for us, 2018 starts now) plan out how you want to achieve them, then stop planning and actually do it. Whenever you want to quit, shut up, re-read this post and keep going.

This is the year of not quitting.

People only ever see the glam but never the gruel. We’re going to gruel so we can get the glam. Nothing, nothing feels better than working hard and getting the results you want but how are you going to get those results if you give up before you can really see them?

This is the year of growth.

You want to quit alcohol? This is the year of quitting alcohol, you want to eat healthier? This is the year of healthy eating. You want to be more social? This is the year of social. You want to achieve great things? This is the year of achieving great things.

This is the year of you.

Have a blessed year,

Lots of love,

Gedo xx

Honestly tho: What they don’t tell you about University.

Hey boos,

Happy November! We’re at the last and most important “ember” months and you know what that means, winter, Christmas (and Christmas break) and my birthday! 3 things I am very passionate about.

giphy5

So as we all know, I am studying at University and honestly I love it but there are somethings that people don’t talk about but I’m gonna talk about them (so that’s what I am going to talk about…them, let’s get to talking….about..them.).

  1. Loneliness

Not everyone feels this but it’s definitely something that is there. I don’t think it gets talked about enough. Everyone likes to focus on the social aspect of University and freshers and socializing and making as many friends as humanly possible but nobody really talks about what happens when everyone goes back into their rooms. After it’s all done and you go back to your room, you just feel a certain emptiness. Not to mention sometimes it’s so quiet, you’re pretty much forced to face the reality that you’re by  yourself. I think the reason why this loneliness is so amplified in University is because you’re living next to people and you’re aware that they are there and you’re just closed off. How to combat this feeling? Keep yourself busy, do school work, watch funny videos (If anyone wants to notify Grayson and Ethan Dolan about my existence that would be cute), spend time with God, call your parents, read and just remember that it isn’t always going to be like that.

2.  You’re not as good as you thought.

I’ve talked to people about this (lol one person but you know) and I know we’re not the only people that feel like this, key word being feel. When you get to University, you start to feel like you’re not as good at things like you thought you were, and that can really affect self esteem. You’ll find that some people feel like they’re not as smart as they thought they were, not as organised or as pretty (me) or as sociable (me) or athletic (lol we all know I’ve never been athletic…or..organised). When I first came to University, I spent a good two weeks thinking I looked like unkempt; I thought my hair was a mess and I hated my glasses and this is all coming from me. Obviously your intelligence has not decreased whatsoever neither has your beauty or social skills it’s just that now you are surrounded by more people than you are used to and also people that you have never met so your personal scale distorts itself. How to combat this? Remind yourself that the presence of another person’s beauty, intelligence or whatever does not indicate the absence of your own. You got this.

3. Not belonging anywhere.

University is a big place. If High school was a pool, University is like a friggin’ ocean (did I just say friggin…..ok). There are so many people and common sense would have it that bigger body of water means it’ll be easier to find your own school (LOL I JUST MADE AN AQUARIUM JOKE, I LOVE BEING EDUCATED). However common sense is wrong, it isn’t and often times you’ll find yourself feeling like you don’t belong anywhere or feeling like you don’t belong with any group. You’ll be hanging with a group of people and still feel like an outsider, they’ll be sharing jokes and laughing between one another and you won’t get it. You might be on the groupchat and they’ll be making plans and even though you’re invited, you’re not really, no one would really notice if you didn’t come just like no one would really notice if you did. How to combat this? Depends on the person, you can either make yourself relevant in the group, go out of way to be a part until you find your own group or you can just chill, go with the flow, talk to everyone until you find your own people. I also suggest joining societies, clubs, sports and honestly just being your truest self because you want to attract people that like you for you and share some of the same interests as you. Making life long friends isn’t easy or fast but it’s worth it.

4. Peer pressure.

Personally, I haven’t really felt this because if I don’t want to do something, I’m just not going to do it but I would completely understand those that are affected by it. You don’t want to be an outsider and you want to beat the loneliness so you just go along with what your people are doing because you also don’t want to feel left out, I get it. What do I have to say about it? If they’re really your people and you express to them that you don’t want to do it and they should stop asking, they’ll listen to you and drop it, sure they might tease you a little bit about it but if you don’t like that either, communicate that to them as well and they should stop. However if they don’t, maybe you shouldn’t settle on them being your crew.

5.  Feeling misunderstood/judged

University is filled with all sorts of personalities and there are people, in fact a lot of people have grown up with the same friends and so have not been exposed to the other different personalities. They come to University and it’s filled with all sorts of personalities and mannerisms that they have never seen or experienced before and they just don’t know how to deal with it, which can very easily lead to misplaced judgement and feeling judged. I have a very interesting sense of humor and should rarely be taken seriously (except in cases like this, take me seriously now) and I will say things like “wow why am I the best thing that ever happened to this school” or “you’re so annoying please exit my life” or “Why does *insert name* hate me”. Obviously, I am joking, my friends know I am joking but people who aren’t used to my personality will think I am being serious and instantly label me as arrogant or rude or starting drama but I’m not, I’m just kidding (..for the most part 😉 ) and I don’t like explaining myself so I usually just let the person believe what they want (which probably isnt good lol). How to combat this? If you feel like you’re being misunderstood, it’s important for you to meet whoever it is that is making you feel the way you do and explain to them and if you’re like me and don’t like explaining yourself, don’t be like me.

6. Love in first semester. 

Don’t. Just stop. It’s not- focus on your degree.

So there are 6 things that people feel in Uni but nobody likes to talk about. If you feel like this and need someone to talk to, I got your back. If you’re new and liked what you saw make sure to tap that follow button on the right to get notified when I post and if you still can’t get enough of me, follow me on my social media.

Have a blessed weekend,

Lots of love,

Gedo xx

Disclaimer: I didn’t edit this over seriously so yea lol but you guys are my best friends, you’ll see me at my best and my worst, it’s still a great post though. You know it. 

Honestly tho: The Internet has been lying to you.

Hey boos,

What’s up? How is your week going?

Mine has been pretty good, we thank God. The month is almost ending, like omg where is this year going? There is literally 5 more days till the month of July goes, and then we’ll be in August and then September and then I’ll be 19 and then we’ll be in 2018? Wow, I’m excited though, 2017 let’s go!

Anyway, I want to talk about something that I realized and since then I seem to see it everywhere and that’s this lowkey hatred for everything that the internet is hyping. Everything that we think is great, in reality kinda sucks. Let me show you.

Let’s take being petty for example, according to the internet; Petty is this “trendy” term and anyone who is being petty is immediately funny or cool or even goals. Girls, especially will be the first to call themselves petty, you’ll find “petty queens” and etc.

Shows of pettiness go viral instantly. When people are being “petty”, they are congratulated like as if they are doing something good but according to dictionary.com petty is defined as “mean and ungenerous in small or trifling issues”, Urban dictionary’s definition of petty isn’t nice either; it’s defined as “making things, events, or actions normal people dismiss as trivial or insignificant into excuses to be upset, uncooperative, childish, or stubborn”. Imagine? All this time that your friends have been calling you petty queen they’ve been insulting you.

I’m not trying to ruin anyone’s fun or anything (Lol I don’t care) but what happened to forgiveness? Why are people so afraid to forgive now? People are so afraid of being humans now because they feel like as if doing anything kind or nice or normal will be regarded as soft or look as though they are being walked over. Everyone wants to be “strong” but it’s like they’ve forgotten what being strong actually means.

Now everyone is seeking revenge, have we forgotten that it’s not our place to punish? Don’t you know that it takes a great person, a strong person to forgive?

Let’s take another term, Finesse, this is definitely girls’ favorite one.

According to the internet, Finessing is what strong, sexy, smart, clever people do to get what they want.  Sounds cool doesn’t it? Now let’s see what google dictionary (idk that dictionary that comes up when you google a definition) has to say about it, Finesse is “great subtlety and tact in handling or manipulating people or difficult situations”. Whilst Urban dictionary defines it as “persuading someone out of their belongings, or to do you a favor”. Sis, I’m sorry but if you’re a finesser then you’re just a glorified thief and dream seller. I don’t completely have an issue with finessing, like for example convincing your parents to get you pizza (without any corruption), I am completely for that but my problem with finesse is why it’s become viral; which is because people literally steal and are then proud of themselves. People who go on dates with people they have 0 interest in and want nothing to do with just to get a free meal (You will now be shouting MenareScum) or keeping a person around because you know they’ll splash money on you? (You will now be saying Women are the downfall of man)

Please wake up, don’t celebrate that kind of finessing.

tenor

the #MenareScum (okay I’m raising my hands up, I say this sometimes but as a joke I’m going to try and stop, I’m sorry) I’m just so over that hashtag, men are not scum bruh. Sorry but I literally need to ask, is your father scum? I didn’t think so.

I agree, there are some really, really, really, really whack minded men out there but that doesn’t mean we should categorize all men as scum. Let’s not be blinded, the hashtag just gives us a blanket where we can all just lie under and hate guys. I know a lot of people say, no that’s not true, we’re just talking about the ones that actually but let’s think about it for a second.

You’re scrolling on twitter or Instagram, maybe even Facebook, you’ll see something about MenareScum once, or someone will say it, maybe you even start saying you continue to see and say such everyday or almost everyday.  It’s all fun and games till you repeat it so many times that you actually start believing it and one day wake up and realize you have an in depth hate for men and you don’t know how it started, then you’re in my office talking to me about how your relationships just aren’t working out for you and you don’t trust men and you think you might be lesbian which just isn’t the case.

See how easy it is to be misled? 

Not all men are scum okay? I’m tired. 

Another example of this repetition situation is the idea that women are the downfall of man, how many times have you watched a movie were the woman is the distraction or used as a distraction? Ever since Eve handed Adam that apple at the beginning, we just haven’t heard the end of it, giving men an excuse not to have real and good relationships. Do you know how many girls are out there in the “talking” stage because the guy believes she will be a distraction?

Do you want your children to grow up hating men? 

Another one, is the whole “Me and my 8 boyfriends” thing that just seems to be annoyingly everywhere (again, may or may not have joked about this sometimes, but that was before I deeped all of this okay? I’ve stopped, I am a changed woman). So cheating is the new rave isn’t it? And guys, what’s this cheating thing that my ear just can’t stop hearing? It’s like all I’m hearing is how someone cheated on another person.

What is so funny about not being able to commit? Why are we condoning such behavior? 

Why have we started treating things that are wrong as trivial matters? Have we just all lost our moral compasses?

So basically what does this all come down to?

Can we kill the year of the savage and change it into something that is actually cool? Like the year of self betterment?

Okay, well I hope you all have a great day/night and do something nice for someone. Let’s not be shouting spread love but be sharing things that undertone hate mmkay?

Have a blessed day,

Lots of love,

Gedo xx

 

 

 

Sis say what??: The Green Alien Called Jealousy by Ibukun (Adekemi) Goke-Dabiri

The Green Alien Called Jealousy

Hey y’all! It is I! Yes. I said y’all, deal with it (*insert overused meme here*). So, if you haven’t noticed, people have taken over the wonderful Gedo’s blog, and I guess it’s my turn to take my part.
So… I want to discuss something with you people. Don’t worry. This isn’t going to be some lecture or anything. Think of it as, a life lesson. So sit back, grab a couple of snacks, and enjoy.
I want to talk about jealousy. The thing about this eight letter word is it can be really hard for one to confess that they have it. They can deny it all they want, but the truth is… people have expressed some sort of jealous feeling once in their life, like me for instance.

And no, I never got jealous about being in love, or not owning the newest craze (like a fidget spinner). I would be jealous of people’s success, even if I didn’t know them. Of course, I am aware that being jealous is a sin, but is just a humane thing to feel sometimes. I’m not saying ‘Don’t be jealous!’ because everyone has felt it before. Just don’t take it to the point where it drains your energy, you complain about everything, and/or push people away from you.
Now that I have grown older and wiser, that little green alien called jealousy no longer accompanies me. Yes, it does pop by for a visit now again, but I’ve learnt that being jealous isn’t going to solve anything.
Let me give you an example. My friends, course-mates and myself were chilling during lunch one day, and we come across the subject ‘what we wanted do to after this 1st year’. Some are remaining to carry on the particular degree that we are on, whilst the rest want to do something else. Nothing wrong with that. One of them stated how he wants do to medicine, and I responded that one of my friends is studying medicine in Granada. He then smiled and asked if this was really true, with which I responded yes. He continued to smile and nod, but I could catch the small glint of jealousy in his eyes.
Fast forward a couple of months, and he realizes that he can’t do medicine like he wanted to. He complained how he felt like giving up and that there was no point in carry on with the course. I suggested that he could take a different route and do medicine later on in life or do something similar to medicine. But he continued on to complain and became a little envious towards those who are reaching their goals.
The point I’m trying to make, is that it is okay to be disappointed about not being able to do your ‘dream job’ or whatever it is you are trying to achieve. What isn’t okay is being jealous of other people’s success. Being jealous isn’t going to solve anything.

I have noticed through social media and in real life, people seem to be getting more and more jealous of people’s success. I can’t tell them off or rant at them in anyway, because I was once like them. However, I’ve tried guiding them so they no longer feel this way. And I want to share some of these tips with you guys too.

1. If you want something, you need to go out, work hard, and get it.
This is an obvious status, but you will not know how many people I’ve heard complain about not reaching their goals, and then despising those who are ‘living their dream’. First of all, no. They are NOT living your dream. They are living THEIR dream.
I know how annoying and frustrating it can be. This person seems to be going forward whilst you are still suck in a ditch, but this isn’t the case. The person that you despise was exactly where you were before (Surprise!). They just decided to focus and strive towards their goal. Don’t believe me? Do you think Usain Bolt became the fastest runner overnight? What about Kanye West? He had to start somewhere. And John Green. All those drafts certainly payed off in the end. My point is, don’t sit around and hate on those who are working hard.

If you want something, go for it. Work hard. You will get there in the end.

2.  Jealousy is so exhausting
Honestly, it is. More than 50% of your energy is used towards being jealous at one time. ONE TIME! And you end up getting tired, stressed, upset, and even more jealous. That energy you used towards jealousy could have been used on something else, something useful, and it might have helped you become closer to your goal.

3. Jealousy is unattractive
In my own opinion, one of the biggest turn offs is being jealous towards someone. Now, I’m not saying ‘Don’t be jealous at all’. But there is a point where if you don’t do anything to be in the same position or even higher than that particular person, you may as well stop talking to me, because I won’t hear it. Harsh I know, but that is the truth. The amount of times I hear someone that I find a bit attractive complaining and not doing anything about it is a big turn off.

Just don’t do it…

4. Jealousy + Complaints = Rage = No friends?
This mathematical equation might not be 100% accurate, but it can be the truth. Once you are jealous, you start complaining. Once you start complaining, you can become extremely angry. Once you are angry, some will not want to associate with you. Harsh? I know. If your true friends still stick with you during this time then cu-dos to them, but I know people who don’t associate with others because of this systematic sequence they go through. They just don’t want to deal or be part of it.

I hope I’ve passed my point across. This little green alien can cause havoc and stress, and can turn our once pure soul into one that is dark.
After a couple of years, I am happy to say that the little alien does not stay as long as it used to before. But how did I do it? I just followed those steps, and other little tricks to help me become calm and peaceful.

Cause in the end, the only person that is going to get hurt is the one who lives with the little green alien.

WARNING: PROMO AHEAD.

There was another topic that I wanted to discuss with you guys, but thought it was more appropriate to talk about it in a video. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SxqrwjUrSfk&feature=youtu.be)

I hope you’ve learned something from this, and I hope it isn’t too cheesy either.
Till next time, this is me signing off.
-Ibukun (Adekemi) Goke-Dabiri

Honestly tho: Women against Women

Hey boos,

I have decided that I am going to change “Geespeaks” to “Honestly tho” because I think it sounds nicer, not to mention that’s basically what I say when I am about to spill some real juice.

So I wanna talk about this because it lowkeys pisses a b off (this is very un-blog-professional but I don’t care, this is my blog, I do what I want) so it annoys me and it’s something that I have noticed especially here in Nigeria and that is;

how unfriendly women are to their fellow women.

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It annoys me so much because as women we basically owe it to ourselves to be nice to each other, how can we be going through the same struggle, we are both hustling yet you can’t even help me open the door when you see my hands are full?

give-leo-an-oscar

Why do we need to be so horrible to each other? stab each other in the back, judge unnecessarily,  we’ll easily throw an insult before going to compliment a fellow girl and it really should not be so. The world is already so unfair to us, judging our every move, why should we be unfair to each other as well?

Why can’t we be as nice to each other as we are to the guys who don’t even think about us? Imagine a world where a guy cheats and we side with each other instead of blaming the girl for not being able to keep her man? Imagine not even celebrating the ability to take another girl’s man? Imagine removing the focus on the guy in general and instead focusing on the powerful woman? Imagine not looking at another woman’s beauty as the absence of your own? Imagine bathroom talk but everywhere?

I know it’s hard because sometimes you don’t even know when the disapproving hiss comes out but for every disapproving hiss there should be three heartfelt compliments.

I just want to be able to trust all of you girls and for us to glow together. I just want any of us to be able to walk into any room and feel empowered, we don’t even need to say anything, just that smile is all I need and we all know the smile I am talking about.

Honestly tho I really admire females, from baby girls to women because we have such a strength and beauty both on the inside and on the outside of us and I just want us to bind together; I just want women to be for women.

oprhc

Have a lovely week,

Gedo xx

 

 

 

 

 

disclaimer: the picture in the featured image is not mine, source link below.

<a href=”http://www.freepik.com/free-vector/sketched-fashion-girl-with-pink-dress_717810.htm”>Designed by Freepik</a>

 

The art of hitting up

Hey boos,

How has your week been so far? mine has been pretty good, my day has been pretty relaxed. Today on the blog though, we are going to be discussing the art of hitting up or in this case, the art of keeping in touch. So I was watching a video earlier this morning and the lady in it, was talking about how people are slowly withdrawing into themselves and about how it’s important to keep in touch. I sat back and I was like wow, that’s true tumblr_nia4uhhifc1qzxbu6o1_500

If you know me, you will know that I am the worst at keeping in touch, it’s almost like once I am no longer physically in contact with you, there is no need to keep talking which is completely wrong because once a friend, always a friend.

I also feel like the whole “if they wanted to talk to me, they could hit me up” attitude is also a contributing factor. A lot of us are either proud (why do I need to be the first person to speak, why can’t they speak first) or insecure (what if I am bothering them, I am so annoying) or busy (I can’t right now, I have to do this). However I see all of these as just ways to procrastinate. Okay so you’re busy right now but when you’re taking your 5 minute break scrolling through instagram, reading all the messages on instagram, you weren’t busy then. You can’t tell me you can’t tak atleast 10 minutes out of your life, to speak to an old friend. As for the “why can’t they speak first” excuse, most of the time, it’s not even that deep. The person might just not be thinking about you and there is absolutely nothing wrong or insulting about that. Just because for example, I am not thinking about you does not mean that A. I do not care about you or what you have to say, B. I do not want to talk you, C. I will not make time for you (Just because I might be busy now does not mean I will be busy for the rest of my life.)

Keeping in touch is so important because you genuinely never know how long you have with a person, you never know what a person is going through, you never know how far a simple “what’s up?” could go. Catching up with people is also so fun, memories just come back and it’s healthy to relive moments once in a while. Who knows, you could be the person that God is sending to that other person as perhaps a comforter or an adviser but you can’t do your job if your pride keeps getting in the way.

So let’s try and make 2017 a year of keeping in touch, just a simple “hey” and smiley face could go a long way. This is a plea for people like me, You have to remember that it’s not just about making new friends, but keeping the old ones as well.

Have a blessed week,

lots of love,

Gedo xx