Cupid’s laboratory

WordPress won’t let me change the spacing so it all looks chunked together and it annoys me so much but there’s nothing I can do about it, I’m sorry :(( You can bet I won’t be recommending this site to A FRIEND. 

“Welcome to the Department of Human Connections and Relationships, the DHCR,  Cupid’s lab!” The lady grinned, her bright red lipstick overpowering her features, she had dark flowing hair that contrasted with her extremely white labcoat and soft brown eyes.
Rebecca and I looked at each other, essentially with the same thought.

That lipstick is way too red.
“Shall we jump right in? I am certain everything will begin to make sense as we continue,” she said, smiling again, she had a booming voice that sound cheerful with a hint of something else.
“We have very strict policies here because the data we hold is very confidential which is why we made you sign a very hefty confidentiality report, I’m sorry about that but protocol, what can you do, am I right?” she laughed as she led us into a transparent elevator.
“Right, if you’d just stand against these panels.” she smiled, Rebecca and I stared at each other but did as she said. She strapped us in with what seemed like a seat belt before stepping back.

“Safety.” She said before strapping herself opposite us
“Level 236.” As soon as the typed that in, it felt as though we were going down an extremely fast rollercoaster but before we could administer what was going on, we came to a halt.
“We’re here.” she smiled, I made the motion to unstrap myself.
“I wouldn’t do that yet, your body hasn’t adjusted yet and you’ll just fall to the ground like gloop.” She made us stay in the position for 5 minutes before unstrapping us, our legs did feel shaky but solid.
“Technology is amazing isn’t it? Right shall I begin with the boring stuff, so we are the DHCR like I said and we specialise in Human connections and relationships, we work using science, mathematics, psychology and technology to create long lasting relationships.”
“I’ve heard about you..” Rebecca said in disbelief “ but I didn’t think you guys actually existed..” The lady turned around with a gleam in her eyes
“Well, we are very much real,” she said walking us down a glass corridor.
“I’m taking you to one of our libraries, technically I’m not allowed to but I run this place so I can do whatever I like.” she giggled.
“This way.” She said stopping in front a giant steel door. She stopped at the doors and did signals with her hands, it was like she was signing. Rebecca and I stared at each other again.

“I’m scared.” I mouthed, Rebecca nodded.
“Oh you have nothing to be scared of Rachel, you’re not going to get hurt, I promise, it’s all really exciting really!” the lady said

“My name is Cassandra by the way, but you two are allowed to call me C, now shall we head?” she said nodding at the open door. In front of us lay a big dim room  with a huge screen, around it were rows and rows and rows of glowing blue pills held in glass circular containers.
“We’ve managed to condense information of the people that live in the district, from their genetic information to the last thing they watched on the internet onto those little pods.” She typed up a code on the screen and entered it and in a matter of nanoseconds, she had one of the little snow globes in her hand.
“So what you do is..” she said “You type in the code that is complementary to the numbers you saw me type on the screen, everyone that works in the library has to know these numbers by heart as that is the only thing we do not keep record of.”
“But there are tons here,” Rebecca said looking around
“We get them young.” she smiled “and then voila..” the snowglobe opened up and in it was the little pill, she carefully took it out and placed it into a slot on the screen. A lot of numbers in the same electric blue colour popped up on the screen.
“This is everyone that lives on that street” she said touching the screen, enlarging it.
“Pick a number, any number.” Rebecca and I looked at each other again before she stepped forward confidently and picked the third one to the right.
“Good choice, just click on it.” Rebecca clicked on it and what came up seemed a bit like a facebook profile. There was a name and last name, Mark Schatcher, a profile picture, timeline, about, friends and more, a bit underwhelming.
“Mark Schatcher is actually one of my favourites, he’s truly a special one. To be honest though, I think they’re all special, Mark came up on our radar,” she said clicking timeline and scrolling down “When he moved to this district at about 25, and the poor thing, all he really wanted was love but he was struggling with a lot of anger, it would have been a toxic relationship. So over the years we’ve been helping him with his hormone levels, inserting mostly serotonin and GABA to help him calm down and melatonin to help sleep. Looks like he’s due for a dose right now actually.” she said squinting into the screen before typing in another set of numbers.
“Our devices are linked with the electronic devices and plumbing of everyone that lives in this district, we have access to microwaves, taps, television, air vents, small things like that.”
“He’s been doing really well,” she said turning back to us, “as you can see..” she said pulling up a chart “the rate of his outbursts has sufficiently decreased since he moved here and his satisfaction with life is a lot better.”
“Is this legal?”
“Ofcourse it is! We have the best intentions for our friends and we deem them of highest regard, which is why we have such a heavy confidentiality protocol, we don’t want their information getting into the wrong hands.” she beamed again.
“Now this is where the magic really happens.” She typed in another code that caused for another snow globe to pop out from the bottom of the screen, she popped in another blue pill in another slot.
“So do you just type out the individual code to one of these balls and the computer recognises it and gets it?”
“Yes, our library devices are linked to all our libraries or databases so really all we need to know is the code and we can get the pill from anywhere in the world.”
“In the world?” Rebecca asked
“Ofcourse, we have millions of bases all over the world.”
“This is Sara” she said pulling up her profile next to his “She’s incredibly fun and in many ways very unlike Mark, you’d think they wouldn’t get on very well but according to our probability calculations, their relationship has the best outcome,  the lowest cost but the highest benefit ratio.”
“Essentially what we do is, we take a look at everyone’s genetic information, their interests, their neurochemistry, background and then we calculate what relationships are more likely to last the longest, to produce the best offspring and be of greater benefit to society. We also calculate when the two people are most likely to meet or collide I suppose, whilst we do that we get rid of any particular chemical imbalances, health, behavioural and relationship issues that might get in the way of the relationship or their life in general, in Mike’s case anger, then we move on to phase two which is very exciting!”
“What? Love at first sight?” Rebecca scoffed, Cassandra turned to face her, indignant.
“Ofcourse not! Love at first sight does not exist, but I’ll tell you what does, dopamine, norepinephrine and serotonin, these group of neurotransmitters make up attraction, we inject just a little bit more of that every time the pair see each other, I try to prolong it as long as possible because that’s my favourite part but we work strictly according to our calculations and today is an exciting day because today Mark is going to walk past Sara for the very first time.”
“How does that even happen? You can’t just plan people bumping into each other?” I said
“That is true..” she said before pulling up a map, some dots were pink, some dots were blue and a few of them were purple.
“These are the routes Sara and Mark have taken this month and the parts that are marked purple are the routes they’ve both taken, now according to our calculations, they are both most likely to be boarding this shuttle to central in about a few seconds, I’m so excited! Let’s watch!” she said pulling up a video
“Do you see them, right there!” she said zooming in on their faces, Mark was standing whilst Sara was sat in between and old woman and a child.
“Now watch.” we watched as Mark walked past Sara and that was it.
“Is that it?” Rebecca asked “He didn’t even look at her!”
“You weren’t focusing on the right things, now I’ll slow it down, watch again, watch the child the guy Mark has to scoot past to get out.” She slows down the video and zooms into the hand of the child, it’s extremely tiny but we see it, it’s a tiny pill, he rests his hand by the girl’s thigh and gently pushes it in, it almost looks as if he just had a slight twitch.
“That’s him injecting her with just a little of the transmitters, it breaks down into the epidermis  and dissolves into the bloodstream to the brain, now look at the guy beside Mark.” The man looks as if he’s going to grab hold on to rail, wedged in between his fingers is the pill but he clutches Mark’s hand to by accident, Mark removes his hand and moves towards the door past Sara, she zooms into his head as he walks past, we see his eyes move towards Sara’s direction, he does look at her just in the most inconspicuous way possible.
“In about 2 months, May 7th at 5:39 pm, ” she said pulling up Mark’s timeline again, “M is going to meet Esme, one of our on-ground workers, they do more of the hands on work, she’s going to act as M and S’s mutual friend, 7 months after that, December 27th, Esme will introduce M and S at a get-together and in 3 years, 6 months and approximately 17 days, M will pluck up the courage to ask S out, Beautiful isn’t it?” she smiled
“Why are you showing us this?” Rebecca asked, looking at me horrified “You’re stalking people and drugging them all without their knowledge and free wil-”
“Oh Rebecca,” Cassandra said taking out the blue pill and putting it back in its casing “people don’t want free will, they just like the idea of it, they just like the sound of it, I mean surely you don’t think you actually have free will do you?” she laughed

Vote of thanks

Hey boos,

So first of all, I don’t know if I’ve used “vote of thanks” in its correct context however I feel like if you’ve been reading my blog for a while, you know I have some really questionable titles (see strength is not the yeeting of love)

Anyway, if you know or perharps you didn’t know (or you knew but you didn’t care, or you didn’t care and you didn’t know or you- )Anyway! I got baptised today (weyhey) and I just feel this huge sense of appreciation, I at first was gonna do a quick social media post but then I remembered I have a blog (ooop) and this is essentially what a blog is for, a place where I can go on and on (and on and on and on and on it goes)

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So I just wanted to say thank you, to the people in my life, to the people who came to see me take this huge step today, to people who wanted to make it but couldn’t, to people who have influenced my life one way or the other, whether it be love or learning.

I haven’t always been the cheeriest of people, and I haven’t always been the most positive but now I’m just so grateful for everyone in my life. Family and friends, people that I’ve known my whole life or met for the first time today. I’m thankful for those that have stood by me in the happiest of times, those that who have stood by me in the toughest of times and those have gotten me prawn tempura at 10 pm in the night (wink)

This isn’t just for people who have shared deep moments with me, this is for everyone who has shared something with me, whether it be memes, hugs, deadline dates, a smile, a flat, a compliment when I didn’t feel great.

This is for all the superheros and legends, for walking me back at 12 am at night in the rain when you didn’t have to, putting up with my constant rambles and speaking to me at 3 am, after a night out because my insecurities were playing up again.

I want to say a phat thank you to those that still speak to me even though I make fun of them all the time (I love y’all really), to those that have cooked me food because I couldn’t be bothered to cook and listened to me whine about how annoying my crush of the week is (he’s v annoying tbf), to those who have taken the role of boyfriend until one actually comes (you’re doing a great job sweetie)

I want to say thank you to friends who have known to keep their distance and those who know I’d rather they kept their distance but still approach me anyway because they know deep down, I really need to talk about it. To those who’ve been patient enough to explain things to me and lend me books and speak to me first because #ambivert.

I want to say thank you for the tiny things people do that they think I might not notice like asking me if I’ve got my keys because they know how forgetful I am or asking me if I want to keep my phone in their purse or if I need a hand or not making me use a Halloween filter because they know I don’t celebrate Halloween or opting to be there as a moderator in situations I don’t know how to control.

I want to say thank you to those who have confided in me, for being honest when I ask how are you (cause when I ask I actually mean it!), for those who come to me first because they know I will listen, thank you for sharing your heart with me, you didn’t have to but you did.

Lastly, I want to say thank you to friends that I don’t speak to anymore, friendships that withered away because we grew apart or we weren’t compatible. Thank you for your friendship, you were a blessing in my life and thank you for being civil whenever we do see, I appreciate that. If you ever need me still, I’ve got your back.

If I’ve known you for a day or for 20 years, I love you. I do, and people might say well Gedo you can’t love someone you’ve just met but you can and I’m the living example of that, people are great, what’s not to love 🤷🏾‍♀️ (Except the ones that aren’t…well..yknow..)

This is probably the cheesiest thing I’ve ever written (well debatable, I used to write one direction fanfic yikes) but it’s also the truest thing I’ve ever written.

I never thought I’d be one of those girls that were super positive and used the “!!!”  a lot and just shoved how much they love their friends down everyone’s throat but then here I am (now me probably would annoy then me so much lol) happier than ever, thank God for God (amirite)

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Anyway this blog post wasn’t planned, I just wanted to say thank you to everyone because I appreciate and love you all and honestly, I could probably easily write a whole dissertation plus extended essay plus research paper but y’know I need to eat.

But yea,

thank you guys 🙂

I love youuuuu (..ish)