I haven’t done this in a while and it almost feels foreign, which is kind of sad. The days fly by so fast and before you know it, it’s 3 am a week before your semester exams and you’re half way through second year? It’s all a bit mad.
First, a quick update.
I don’t really know what to say, I guess I’m still transitioning into myself and that’s fine. I definitely do see growth in the way I act and in the way I respond to things, there aren’t massive changes but I know they are steps in the right direction. Rome wasn’t built in a day and even though my slow pace can be frustrating at times, I know I will get to where I need to get to eventually.
I also had dinner with my friends last week, where I attempted to make Nigerian food and we spoke about Christianity and it was good, I think good chats came out of it but we’ll leave the rest in the hands of God.
I have exams literally next week, next week Tuesday. Don’t start.
Anyway, I’ve been noticing that as December is approaching, people seem to be burning out. I’ve heard a lot of complaints about tiredness and overthinking and going through it. Personally, I think it’s the year coming to an end and exams and everything seems to be taking its toll.
I was watching a video and at the end of it, the person says “You’re doing great” and I honestly almost started crying and I instantaneously felt better, it was then that I realised no one really says that anymore. When was the last time you told someone that they were doing great? When was the last time someone told you, you were doing great?
I think, as people, we’ve become so good at acting and so good at deciding for others. We’ve become so good at acting because we go on pretending as if everything is okay and as if we are perfectly perfect when we aren’t so no one ever thinks to give us any sort of reassurance. We’ve become so good at deciding for other people in that, we see someone and we instantly think they do not want or need reassurance.
I’m here to tell you that I am so proud of you.
You’ve come so far from when you first began and I see it even when you don’t and I am so so proud of you for that.
I love watching the person you’re becoming, and even though you are tired and feeling a bit or very burned out and everything just seems like noise.
You are so loved and so appreciated and so well looked upon by your friends and family and you might be feeling lonely right now, but listen to me, you aren’t. Trust me you are not. You have your friends and you have your family and you have me, always!
You may be feeling like you’re not beautiful or you are not attractive or smart or nobody loves you, but listen to me, you are beautiful.
You are beautiful and okay so maybe I don’t know what you look like but do you know what I know? I know that you’re beautiful in your soul, in your heart, in the thing that keeps you alive, you are beautiful there. You may not be able to see it, but the people around you do.
Maybe you’re not in a relationship and everyone around you is, so you feel like you’re not good enough, but you are. You don’t want to be with just anybody, you want to be with someone who loves you, every single bit of you, not just you when you look attractive but also you at 6 am in the morning when you haven’t taken a shower in 3 days (please take a shower) and don’t know what you’re doing with your life and you’re not going to find that in just anybody, it takes time. You take time. You are so worth that time.
You might not feel smart because everyone around you seems to be getting better grades than you, even though you try your hardest and you’re just tired. Listen, you are smart and maybe it takes you a little bit more effort than everyone else, that doesn’t make you stupid. You are smart and it’s okay if you’re smart in a different way, that’s still smart.
Please stop hating yourself.
You don’t deserve that.
Get to know yourself more, become friends with you. Do you even know what you like? what are your hobbies? what’s your favourite colour?
Get to know you, I’m sure you’ll surprise yourself.
Like I said Rome wasn’t built in a day, no good relationship just happens like that. A relationship with you is just like any other relationship, it needs time and nurturing. Become acquaintances first, talk about the weather and all that boring stuff then hang out with yourself, take yourself to see a movie, take a walk, talk to yourself.
You’re doing so well, my love. Be proud of yourself.
tldr: You’re doing great.
You’re doing so, so well.
Recommended song to listen with post: It is well (live) by Kirsten Dimarco, Bethel Music
Greater things by Mack Brock