growing pains

Hey boos,

Yes I’m back to the “hey boos” that is something I can NEVER get rid of, that’s my thing now. How has your day been going? Mine has been going pretty well, I got up really early today, 6 AM to be exact and I haven’t taken a nap yet even though I’m really tired.

Anyway enough about me (funny cause all I’m going to do for the rest of this blog is talk about…well..me..) I’ve decided to do something quite scary but at the same time really exciting this summer, I’m going to churn out content every day for a month this summer, well churn out content every day for the whole summer but I’m telling myself a month because that’s easier for my brain to comprehend. I really hope I do this and don’t just give up after 3 days, so make sure you come back to this place everyday for content!

Today I’m going to be discussing something that I’ve really been noticing about myself this year and that’s the feeling of change, I can feel myself slowly changing and I can’t lie it’s a bit of an uncomfortable feeling because it’s not something that can be easily explained. I can feel myself changing, I can feel my thoughts little by little, I am very very slowly becoming the type of person I want to be.

I can feel my thoughts changing extremely slowly from wanting popularity and wanting every single person to love me and want to be my friend to wanting success in my future, to wanting my children to have the best in life. I realize that the things that used to make me very upset, still make me upset but just not as much as it usually would. Let me give you an example, in my psychology class I can confidently say I have NO friends, I come into class, I sit alone, I take my notes, close my laptop and leave and younger me would have hated it, younger me would have tried to force people to make friends with but now I actually prefer not knowing anyone, I love walking into class without feeling the pressure of “oh I don’t really feel like talking to anyone today but I don’t want to be rude..” When I first got into University, the fact that I didn’t have any friends in my psychology class really bothered me but now I just do not care. I also don’t really mind that much when people don’t invite me to things, I mean it still stings a little but I don’t dwell on it like I would have when I was younger.

I find myself being attracted to and being drawn to people that are successful and are dedicated in helping other people succeed, I just keep finding myself attracting stuff like that even when I try to avoid it because 1. Self-help books bore me and 2. Watching people who are more successful than me makes me feel like I’m not, yet it just seems to attract me whether through a video format or an Instagram ad or just something.

I feel like there is something great stirring inside but I’m not sure what it is or how to wake it up properly.

I’ve been thinking a lot about my accomplishments and how I don’t really have that much (heheh) but that is going to change soon, and how I want to make my parents proud and make all the sacrifices they’ve made worth it, I want them to be able to say with full confidence that it was all worth it in the end.

I also find myself becoming more aware when it comes to achieving goals, I’m no longer just writing out resolutions for the new year and never looking at them again, I’m actually trying this time, researching, failing but getting back up again and not giving up. An example of this would be that I’ve always wanted to be someone who was organized and woke up early in the morning and had money and ate well and had a good relationship with God, day by day I’m getting more aware about what I eat, I’m trying to read more books about God, I’m setting alarms and looking at my goals and just actually trying this time.

I suppose it’s all just to do with maturing and growing, I just never knew that you could be aware of the maturing process.

But that’s just my opinion.

Let me know if you feel like this, if you’re at this point where you can feel yourself growing and what does it feel like to you?

Have a blessed day,

Lots of love,

Gedo xx

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