The Aftermatt

Hey boos,

I completely forgot about blogging yesterday! Sorry friends but I’m back now with the second part of The AfterMatt, enjoy!

February- Despair

My roommate smiles at me as I enter the room, I smile back. She does not notice and I do not expect her to. She chats on about her lectures, how she can never understand what he’s talking about and does not understand why she bothers going everyday, she informs me that she is going home on Friday and to kindly water her plants whilst she is gone, Freddie, the tall plant needs to be watered in the morning, she has placed his nutrition powder next to the sugar and Carla her smaller plant needs to be watered on Saturday, she’ll write me a schedule because she knows I will forget. She reminds me that we have run out of tissue paper and milk.
I remember that Matt and I do grocery shopping on Saturdays.
I can feel myself slowly disintegrating. It starts from my stomach. A sharp drop, like someone has dropped a cement block in it. Then my heart stirs, that too is a sharp pain, unexpected and violent. I feel my ears heat up and a small almost undetectable prick in my eyes, I blink, the tears fall.
I don’t bother wiping my tears or controlling the sobbing sounds coming from my mouth, it’s better she is exposed to it now, she can get used to it faster.

 

Let me know what you think!

Have a blessed day,

Lots of love,

Gedo xx

down with perfection

Hey boos,

How are you?

So I’m currently on my 4th day? 5th day? of my project to produce content every day and I think it’s going alright? I’m especially enjoying vlogging so that’s pretty great.

Today, I want to talk about the media and content creators on the media (I’m saying, in general, okay, not everyone is going to be the same) but I think there is a certain lack of rawness when it comes to social media, vloggers, Instagram models, and influencers they all give the impression that life is perfect and scripted which is not how youtube began. I was watching a talk by JacksGap, if you don’t know who he is then google him lol, it was a talk that really inspired me and he starts off by talking about how the thing that attracted him to youtube was how “real” and “raw” it was and how content was “scripted” or “sexy” and it got me thinking because that’s almost exactly what youtube is nowadays, it’s what social media is nowadays, everyone trying to portray their “perfect” life with “perfect white teeth” and “perfect clothing” and “perfect friends” doing “perfect activities” whilst suffering in silence, he goes on to talk about how the pressure of having a big youtube channel got to him and he used to go to bed and cry every night because he didn’t know what to do. This story tends to be consistent amongst youtubers or social media influencers who can no longer bear the weight of their pretense.

It’s not like I blame them either, because that essentially is what the people want to see, whether we want to admit it or not, people like to see perfection, we like to see pretty things, we like to see people with expensive things, it’s a love-hate relationship. We try to pick them apart to make ourselves feel better but at the same time go back every week to see what they’re doing, we’re also curious beings, we want to know what the next person is doing at every moment.

Which is why I ask for us to be more appreciative of rawness, to be more welcoming of people who aren’t “perfect”, and to accept people for who they are behind the filter.

What do you think? Let me know..

Have a blessed day,

Lots of love,

Gedo xx

Gospel Girltalk….or guy: Habakkuk

Pre: I’ve had this in my drafts for a while so I decided to post it today, enjoyyy!

Hey boos,

I hope you are all having a wonderful day (or night). Today I’ve decided to share with you a few things I have learned from reading my bible, I’ve put them in simple easy to understand terms, so you can just pick them up and apply them into your daily life. I guess you could even call them Bitsized Bible  reading. So today we’ll be looking at the book of Habakkuk. The book of Habakkuk was written by well, the prophet Habakkuk and in this part of the bible, we find Habakkuk having a conversation with God.

Here are the things that I picked up from the first chapter of Habakkuk.

  • Even strong men of God lament to the Lord, even they get unsure and afraid and even them see horrible things and are frustrated.
  • God is always one step ahead, he always knows what is going to happen and he even warns us before they happen to prepare us or so that we may avoid them.
  • In the beginning, atleast in the message version, it starts with “The problem as God gave Habakkuk to see it”. This shows that God chose for Habakkuk to see things in the perspective that he saw them, ask God to help you see things in a wider perspective or through a positive light. This could really help when you feel like you are in a bad situation.

Hopefully, from this you have learn’t something. Have a read at Habakkuk and let me know what you have learnt! God chooses to show different things to different people, so let’s hear what he showed you!

Have a blessed day,

Gedo xx

What’s in my draft 3

Hey boos

Here’s a what’s in my draft, I think this might be the third one I’ve posted on this page, I’m not sure. Anyway, this one is titled “The AfterMatt”  which is a 13 part poetry/story series that I’ve actually completed. I don’t know, for some reason I’m actually quite proud of this one.

So here you go, you’re reading “The AfterMatt”

JANUARY -SHOCK
He doesn’t need to say anything.
I can tell.
He tries to hide it, maybe he thinks I don’t notice. I watch him as he moves things around. he starts by rearranging the magazines on the table before deciding he does not want them on the table and puts them on the floor.
I brace myself.
He fluffs the pillows and folds the blanket lying carelessly on the floor.
I feel like I am being marched to the guillotine, I try to pull a brave face. I grin at him and blow him a kiss. I am a martyr not a criminal.
He grins back and it’s almost real, but it lasts too long.
In psychology there is this term called affective forecasting, the process by which people predict their emotional reactions to future events. 
He finally sits opposite me, he does not look at me.
I am aware of our toes slightly touching.
I am aware that I am leaning towards him and he is slouched against the chair.
I am aware that the loud but small clock I got him from his birthday is not ticking.
People routinely overestimate the joys of falling in love. 
I don’t know where I get the courage to speak.
“It’s not working is it”
and the pain of falling out of it. 
My voice does not shake.
He looks at me, not surprised or shocked at all. He just casts me a sad smile and shakes his head.
“I’ve been preparing but dreading this day. I wrote a whole draft. Liza, I-” his voice freezes in his throat.
I smile.
It’s ironic.
I get up to leave.
The walk to his door is longer than I remember it.
I feel like I am being marched to the guillotine.
“I’m sorry.”
 I try to pull a brave face.
“I’m sorry too.”
I am a martyr not a criminal.

growing pains

Hey boos,

Yes I’m back to the “hey boos” that is something I can NEVER get rid of, that’s my thing now. How has your day been going? Mine has been going pretty well, I got up really early today, 6 AM to be exact and I haven’t taken a nap yet even though I’m really tired.

Anyway enough about me (funny cause all I’m going to do for the rest of this blog is talk about…well..me..) I’ve decided to do something quite scary but at the same time really exciting this summer, I’m going to churn out content every day for a month this summer, well churn out content every day for the whole summer but I’m telling myself a month because that’s easier for my brain to comprehend. I really hope I do this and don’t just give up after 3 days, so make sure you come back to this place everyday for content!

Today I’m going to be discussing something that I’ve really been noticing about myself this year and that’s the feeling of change, I can feel myself slowly changing and I can’t lie it’s a bit of an uncomfortable feeling because it’s not something that can be easily explained. I can feel myself changing, I can feel my thoughts little by little, I am very very slowly becoming the type of person I want to be.

I can feel my thoughts changing extremely slowly from wanting popularity and wanting every single person to love me and want to be my friend to wanting success in my future, to wanting my children to have the best in life. I realize that the things that used to make me very upset, still make me upset but just not as much as it usually would. Let me give you an example, in my psychology class I can confidently say I have NO friends, I come into class, I sit alone, I take my notes, close my laptop and leave and younger me would have hated it, younger me would have tried to force people to make friends with but now I actually prefer not knowing anyone, I love walking into class without feeling the pressure of “oh I don’t really feel like talking to anyone today but I don’t want to be rude..” When I first got into University, the fact that I didn’t have any friends in my psychology class really bothered me but now I just do not care. I also don’t really mind that much when people don’t invite me to things, I mean it still stings a little but I don’t dwell on it like I would have when I was younger.

I find myself being attracted to and being drawn to people that are successful and are dedicated in helping other people succeed, I just keep finding myself attracting stuff like that even when I try to avoid it because 1. Self-help books bore me and 2. Watching people who are more successful than me makes me feel like I’m not, yet it just seems to attract me whether through a video format or an Instagram ad or just something.

I feel like there is something great stirring inside but I’m not sure what it is or how to wake it up properly.

I’ve been thinking a lot about my accomplishments and how I don’t really have that much (heheh) but that is going to change soon, and how I want to make my parents proud and make all the sacrifices they’ve made worth it, I want them to be able to say with full confidence that it was all worth it in the end.

I also find myself becoming more aware when it comes to achieving goals, I’m no longer just writing out resolutions for the new year and never looking at them again, I’m actually trying this time, researching, failing but getting back up again and not giving up. An example of this would be that I’ve always wanted to be someone who was organized and woke up early in the morning and had money and ate well and had a good relationship with God, day by day I’m getting more aware about what I eat, I’m trying to read more books about God, I’m setting alarms and looking at my goals and just actually trying this time.

I suppose it’s all just to do with maturing and growing, I just never knew that you could be aware of the maturing process.

But that’s just my opinion.

Let me know if you feel like this, if you’re at this point where you can feel yourself growing and what does it feel like to you?

Have a blessed day,

Lots of love,

Gedo xx

The raw side of blogging

Hi.

So you know how in the middle of almost every YouTuber’s career, they decide that they aren’t really doing what they love or what they want and they feel trapped and not really enjoying youtube etc etc, I don’t really know why I felt the need to start with that, anyway..

Ever since I started blogging on wordpress, the first thing on my mind was eventually gaining popularity from it, I instantly started making blog posts that every famous blogger makes, fashion related blogs, how to’s, I created a seperate instagram, I began using “hey boos” as kind of a brand thing, I really really wanted to fold myself into a mould that I felt would help me with my success (basically the clean cream modern blogger look) but I soon realised I really wasn’t good at it, it just wasn’t coming to me.

I’m not really into writing about what’s in my purse or beauty products, I also tried to schedule everything and making everything align and having categories and menus and themes and it never really worked out because it’s not really my thing you know? I mean I don’t really know much about stuff like that because if you know me I’m the most minimal effort person when it comes to things like beauty and makeup (literally my night routine is washing my face and brushing my teeth…if I can even get myself to do that)

What I’m good at and what I care about is genuinely talking (..about me) about things, about personal experiences, about ideas, goals, basically about myself ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ and a couple days ago I decided I would do just that, so I changed my blog outlook completely into something that suits what I want to do so yeah expect a lot of posts about my take and opinion on things (if you care lol)

I’ve just been doing a lot of thinking these days because that’s what you do when exams are over, and I have a lot of things to say just nowhere to say them and I have a lot of things to share just not a lot of places to share them, so just expect a lot of writing, a lot of thoughts and a lot of things that I actually care about.

I’m kind of excited because I feel like I’m finally starting to see what my place is on the blogging scene, basically the raw side of blogging which people don’t really get much of nowadays (idk.)

Anyway enough of that, guys can we talk about The Royal Wedding real quick because I NEED a moment! I’m sure you are sick and tired of it on your feed at this point but I feel like I NEED to talk about it because I honestly loved it so much.

Let’s start off with the guests, I thought it was great that they had a nice range of guests and it was really fun trying to see how many of them I could recognize, not to mention I loved the clothing and seeing everyone dressed up in a way that wasn’t really typical of them. I also loved the flowers (so so pretty) and just the little touches which I will definitely be taking inspiration from for my own wedding.

Meghan’s wedding dress did disappoint me a little at first when she first came out because I thought it was plain but the more I looked at it and her in it, the more she really worked it and looked outstanding so she rocked it (although I have to add in that I loved her evening reception dress so much more.)

Meghan and Harry together were just the best thing, they honestly looked so in love and genuinely happy, you could see it in the way they looked at each other and held each other, it was so endearing.

I love love LOVED how they incorporated both Meghan’s culture and church into the ceremony, I have been listening to the Kingdom’s choir performance of “Stand By Me” over and over again, it was so beautiful. I also really appreciated the diversity; the violinist, the preacher at the wedding, the choir and can we talk about Meghan’s mom attire real quick? she AB-SO-LUTELY MURDERED IT, I loved the color on her, the hat, her hair, she looked graceful, she looked divine, she looked elegant, EVERYTHING!

I really enjoyed the wedding and it feels so weird now that it’s over because I feel like we’ve been talking about it FOREVER!

Hands up if you searched up young princes/princesses because same.

Thank you for reading this and if you’ve been supporting me by reading my blog posts, by commenting, by liking, I thank and appreciate you so much. Blogs have been coming on pretty slow for the past month or so just because I’ve been pretty busy, I’ve had exams, I’ve been applying for things over the summer, enjoying times in the sun with pals before everyone goes off for summer break but I’m home now which means a lot more time to blog and vlog and do things I want to do.

I’m going to love and leave you now because my head kinda hurts.

Thank you for reading! Get access to my social media by scrolling all the way down to the bottom (DO IT NOW!) Come back again next week for more gr8 content.

Have a blessed week,

Lots of love,

Gedo xx

A tired and slightly annoyed girl

Hey boos,

So it’s currently 2:46 am right now, in the middle of exam season, this is probably the latest I have stayed up in A WHILE, my skin is itchy but I am still happy.

SOOOOO I am binge watching this show (that I love dont get me wrong) and I have come to realize that this show follows the general trend of most shows and I am tiredt not just tired with a “d” but with a “t” for extra emphasis.

I am tiredT of shows that start off with a girl right, you know, not the general standard of beauty. She’s funny, smart, intelligent, crazy family, good friends you know relatable? it starts off with her having “relationship” issues like “uh no person will ever love me, im ugly bla bla bla whatever” and then OFCOURSE just like that, the attractive guy of her dreams comes into her life and falls in love with her followed by several attractive guys who want to date said relatable girl and OFCOURSEEE she is stubborn and gives attitude to ALL OF THEM and they just EAT IT UP, they are loving every SINGLE moment of it, it’s one of the things they “LOVE” about her.

Listen, I am tired okay? because that is a lie. That is not the fact of life, guys hardly ever notice the funny, stubborn, intelligent ones and if they do they tend to be friendZONED. Yea! I said it! and no one should dare hop into my dms talkm’bout oh you’re so pretty, that’s so not true, please stop, I’ve heard enough of that to last me a lifetime. Personally, I could not care less if guys notice me or not, I really am not concerned anymore, I’m not going to waste my time and effort but I am just tired of that particular plot.

You know a plot I’d like to see? One where the regular girl, the protagonist does NOT end up with some random hot guy who suddenly is in love with her stubbornness but instead she just learns to deal with the fact that guys DONT come up to her and NO ONE tells her they like her, guys DONT comment on her Instagram pictures and certainly NO guy is “secretly” falling in love with her behind the scenes. She is most definitely NOT in competition with the “hot” girl she knows who happen to be everything she’s not, ACTUALLY I want them to be friends, not just fake friends but real good friends and I want the “hot” girl to hype her best friend up like no other BECAUSE AT THE END OF THE DAY, THAT.IS.THE.REALITY. 

I sound so pressed right now and YEA I AM, I AM FREAKING PRESSED. I know I’m not the only one that feels this way. Let me explain to you why I’m so pressed, imagine watching this show right thinking wow I can so relate to this, I can relate to this character and then she or even HE is getting all this attention for the same characteristics that you have and you really want to see yourself in this character but you can’t, it affects self-esteem! You start thinking about your own life and experiences and how they don’t match at all. Now imagine how harmful this can be for younger viewers who are still growing and learning about confidence and how the opposite sex really isn’t the start, the middle or the end of the world, how is that supposed to make them feel?

We already live in a world that projects “perfection” in almost everything, social media, youtube, the celebrity life so please, please show me something real, something that I can at least relate to? if I want to be transferred to a whole new world, I’ll watch Gossip Girl but if you want to give me a relatable character, make her relatable all the way. That is all I ask, please and thanks.

I just really felt the need to get that off my chest because I know, I’m not the only one that feels that way and sure I sound like a bitter single girl right now but you know what? it’s the truth and THAT’S the tea sister.

Have a blessed day,

Lots of love,

Gedo xx